The Emo Post.

So I've been wondering for a little time now, what the fuck "Emo" is.

I wear black all the time. I listen to death metal, and heavy metal, and screaming and shouting. I write poetry too. I do not, however, cut myself or cry because of how no one understands me.

Yesterday, I came across this website called "Emo Corner - The Emo kid hideout"

Why is it called a hideout? Well, judging by the number of people that would love to give emo kids something to cry about, I do think they need to go into hiding.

The website, (which can be found at www.emo-corner.com) is apparently a cheap, crap-design website, most probably run by 14-15 year olds. And if they're not 14-15 they should really re-think designing websites.

So, the website has 'cool emo hairstyles' and 'dressing sense'. But I don't get it. It's just messed up hairstyles, with a lot of shitty piercing. And emo guys just wear female jeans. And then, of course, there are the color combinations. Black and pink. Black and red. Black and ... white. Why black? Apparently "Emo" is short for Emotional. So, duh. Black has always been associated with mourning, hasn't it? But in that context, shouldn't it be parents of emo kids that should be wearing black?

Anyhow, According to the website, Emo is:
http://www.emo-corner.com/what-is-emo/

No, I'm not going to write that crap here. Go read it on the bloody website.

Ok, taking a break. People, I am all about freedom of speech. I am all about, letting the world be and not giving a crap myself. But, come on now. How can you not poke fun at something so ridiculous?

Getting back on topic, here are a few pictures I found, that poke fun at Emos. There was a lot harsher material, and that would be piercing, not poking, and that is why I'm not putting it up.

How harsh? One picture said "Emo kid! Go kill yourself."
Here are my personal favorites though:

Do you know any emo kids? Please tell them to pay this blog a visit and look at these images. Maybe that'll cheer them up. If not, they can always cry and write crappy poetry, right?

What do I think emo is? A reason for guys to dress up as girls.

Emo Kids! Cheer The Fuck Up!!

95th Post

My Dreams of Anger

I had a very weird dream, in the sleep which I woke up from like 10 minutes ago.

In the dream, I was with my friends and we were at this place which was kind of like the edge of the world (with respect to the fact that we couldn't see anything beyond there. It was all dark) but we were still in Riyadh (somehow you always know in a dream, where you really are).

And out of nowhere, these tidal waves started to appear, and I just ran over them ... I couldn't find any better verbs to describe what actually happened, but just know that I evaded the tidal waves, like I surfed them.

And as time, the tidal waves kept getting bigger and bigger, and I kept on ''surfing" them, while all my friends kept trying to surf with me but ended up getting wet in the end.

Now, I woke up from my sleep and the dream hit me in under a minute, and I remembered every last detail. So, I was in a REM stage just before waking up, I presume.

I looked into this book I have called "The Dreams Dictionary" which is basically just that. A dictionary that describes what your dream might have meant, if you look up the meaning to the things you saw in your dream.

Here are some of the keywords I could remember and looked up:

Flood: See Deluge.
Deluge: Overwhelming business loss. Financial affairs are usually indicated by storms, rains, floods, etc.

Not satisfied, I dug deeper and looked up 'water'

Water: Water is essential in life and, therefore, inevitably has a certain importance in dreams.
Dreaming of Waves, and the ebb and flow of the tide, may represent the ebb and flow of human emotions, from negative to positive and back again.

Emotions? Anger, I'm thinking? Or Depression? After that, I decided to look up 'running' because I was literally running on top of the waves.

Running: May suggest a strong sensation of the life force within, and exuberance. Running away suggests avoidance, either of emotions, fears, or responsibilities, depending on the context of the dream.

So, Running away suggests avoidance of emotions. Depending on the context of the dream ... Water, represents the flow of human emotions. And if the water is in the form of a tidal wave, what could that mean? Anger?

I can see how that's working ... I have been really, angry lately ... and I've been, trying to keep in under the hood ... clearly, my anger wants out ...

Changing lanes ... can there seriously, be any good out of thinking so much?

I was observing human nature today right before my IELTS exam. The invigilator was giving out the candidates instructions and I should've been listening to him, but thanks to my very short attention span (if you lose my interest, I'm sorry, but you're boring and you can't have it back until you set yourself on fire or juggle knives) my mind wandered off. How could it not? So many people in one room, of varying mentalities and age, and I not try to look how they go on about lives? Not entirely possible.

So the first thing I noticed was, no one was looking around. I was the only one trying to study all those present, like they were hamsters or guinea pigs. No respect to my fellow human kind, of course, I'm just really good with metaphors.

The second thing I noticed was, as soon as the invigilator said "There will be no breaks and you can't step out in the duration of the test in any circumstance, I noticed the eyes of each candidate started shifting around, and most of them, if not all, become restless.

Aah, human nature. So, my theory; the restlessness came from realization of the fact that they're not in charge anymore. And that they can't even go to the bathrooms if they want ... Loss of authority over own life. Of course, that'll bring restlessness. Oh, and they probably all started realizing that they suddenly have the urge to go to the bathrooms.

Also, my insomnia won't go away ... and I've noticed I've been either really angry or really sad. Those are the only two emotions my life has been running on ... where am I going wrong? =(

As far as my exam is concerned, and how it went; it was an English exam. 'Nuff said ...

Yield Fucking Limit

Ok, so, the thing with this post here is ... let me mention first that this is the 91st post! Yes, almost a 100 posts! woohoo! ... yeah, the thing with this post is that I really have nothing to talk about, but I need to blow off a LOT of steam and let a LOT out of my system. And so, I'm going to write whatever comes to my head first.

Let's start with Karma. It is a bitch. And I mean, not just a bitch, it can really, really, rip you apart. It's the part of revenge, that is actually "involuntary" if you may.

You wanna rip someone apart? Sit back, relax, have some pop-corn maybe, be nice instead. And in a few days? Watch karma go medievil on that unlucky bastard's ass.

Woohoo, profanity. What would we be without it?

Next, I want to mention Guilt. If karma is a bitch? Guilt is a somabitch. YES. Guilt! It can make you want to jump off a cliff, set yourself on fire, chop yourself into pieces? And not even necessarily kill yourself in the process.

Ok, here's a thought. Whenever someone is guilty, they'll tell you they want to do something horrible to themselves. How many people have you seen that actually want to kill themselves?

Next time you run into a smartass, that keeps on telling you how guilty they are, and how they could just kill themselves? You should go like:

"Oh sure. I'd do it for you, but I don't really want blood on my hands. I'll tell you what though..."

and hand them a fucking map to the nearest fucking cliff.

You must be thinking. "What's up his ass? Why is he in such a bad mood?"

Well, I'll tell you. Remember that post? About being pushed too far? Well guess what.

Yield fucking limit. And glad to be free.

One more thing. Someone, just made it their priority to tell me no one reads my blog. Well, I don't really fucking care. As you can probably see by now? This post doesn't even make a lot of sense. But it made me a lot happier than I was like a couple of minutes ago. Do YOU have anything better?

Megan Fox

The reason so many people watched The Transformers movie;

Boredom-ness

I've been trying to reach a decision in the past 10 minutes.

Do I get up and sit straight on my chair or not?
That's how bored and lazy I am right now ... I've been stuck at home all day, in a complete state of no worry, and it's almost like house arrest.

I put my head back a while ago and looked around at my room. Have you ever noticed? It's like being inside a box. Go to one of the walls and look around at all four walls, and the roof right now.

It IS like being inside a box.

And that thought made me want to go out so bad, but due to some weird parental insecurities (from my parents) and irony being a bitch, I couldn't. So here I am, sitting on the computer, writing about how sucky life is again.

If you're here reading this right now, know that you're having more fun reading this than I was having writing this... ooh, thanks for reading by the way :)

Spare Me The Details ...

I don't even need to look for words anymore. I have songs that relate to me, instead.
It's Amazing how you can relate to songs so clearly. You almost feel pity for the people that don't get what a song is about ... go get your girlfriends to play you, so you can get what the following songs are about. It's not worth it, but you'll see what you're missing.

Nymphetamine - by Cradle Of Filth.
The title is a portmanteau of "nymphomaniac" and "amphetamine", and Dani Filth explained the track itself as referring to "a drug-like addiction to the woman in question, with her insidious vampyre qualities literally bringing her lover back from the brink of the spiritual grave, only to bury him further on the strength of a whim. The album is written in the style of Edgar Allan Poe's works, and leaves one thinking that, despite the character's inner agonies, he is really a welcome submissive who readily enjoys the terrible highs and lows of his relationship with this alluring and filthy, depreciative succubus.

Click To View

Offspring - Spare Me The Details
My girlfriend, my dumb donut
Went out to a party just the other night
But three hours later and seven shots of jäger,
She was in the bedroom with another guy

And I don't really wanna know
So don't tell me anymore
And I really don't wanna hear
About her feet all up in the air

And well, I'm not the one who acted like a hoe
Why must I be the one who has to know?
I'm not the one who messed up big time
So spare me the details, if you don't mind

Now I can understand friends who wanna tell me
Think they're gonna help me open up my eyes
But the play-by-play makes me want to lose it
Everytime you do it, man, it turns the knife

And I don't really wanna know
So don't tell me anymore
And i really don't wanna hear
About her feet all up in the air

And well, I'm not the one who acted like a hoe
Why must I be the one who has to know?
I'm not the one who messed up big time
So spare me the details, if you don't mind

Now I don't need to hear about the sounds they were making
And I don't need to hear about how long it was taking
Or how the walls, they were shaking

Now I'm lying in bed, wallowing in sorrow
Missing the tomorrow that we could have had
Running through my head, over and over
Things I never told her now just make me sad
And it drives me insane, sitting with a vision
Stuck with that image burned into my brain
And I feel so dumb that I could ever trust her
While someone else fucked her, then walked away

And I don't really wanna know
So don't tell me anymore
And I really don't wanna hear
About her feet all up in the air

And so, I'm not the one who acted like a hoe
Why must I be the one who has to know?
I'm not the one who messed up big time
So spare me the details, if you don't mind

(Cause I don't wanna know)
(Don't wanna know) Spare me the details if you don't mind
(Don't wanna know)
(Don't wanna know) Spare me the details if you don't mind

Linkin Park - In The End
It starts with one thing
I don't know why
It doesn't even matter how hard you try keep that in mind
I designed this rhyme
To explain in due time
All I know
Time is a valuable thing
Watch it fly by as the pendulum swings
Watch it count down to the end of the day
The clock ticks life away
It's so unreal
Didn't look out below
Watch the time go right out the window
Trying to hold on, but didn't even know
Wasted it all just to watch you go
I kept everything inside and even though I tried, it all fell apart
What it meant to me will eventually be a memory of a time when

I tried so hard
And got so far
But in the end
It doesn't even matter
I had to fall
To lose it all
But in the end
It doesn't even matter

One thing, I don't know why
It doesn’t even matter how hard you try, keep that in mind
I designed this rhyme, to explain in due time
I tried so hard
In spite of the way you were mocking me
Acting like I was part of your property
Remembering all the times you fought with me
I'm surprised it got so (far)
Things aren't the way they were before
You wouldn't even recognize me anymore
Not that you knew me back then
But it all comes back to me (in the end)
You kept everything inside and even though I tried, it all fell apart
What it meant to me will eventually be a memory of a time when I

I tried so hard
And got so far
But in the end
It doesn't even matter
I had to fall
To lose it all
But in the end
It doesn't even matter

I’ve put my trust in you
Pushed as far as I can go
And for all this
There's only one thing you should know I tried so hard
And got so far
But in the end
It doesn't even matter
I had to fall
To lose it all
But in the end
It doesn't even matter

Audioslave - What You Are
And when you wanted me
I came to you
And when you wanted someone else
I withdrew
And when you asked for light
I set myself on fire
And if I go far away I know
You'll find another slave

(chorus)
Cause now I'm free from what you want
Now I'm free from what you need
Now I'm free from what you are

And when you wanted blood
I cut my veins
And when you wanted love
I bled myself again
Now that I've had my fill of you
I'll give you up forever
And here I go far away
I know you'll find another slave

(chorus)
Cause now I'm free from
What you want
Now I'm free from what you need
Now I'm free from what you are

Then a vision came to me
When you came along
I gave you everything
But then you wanted more...

Ataraxia

Sanity is overrated. And so is Happiness. The latter, because it really doesn't last as long as it should. Ever.

But that's just the beauty of it. You never want it to end.

Lately, I've been feeling completely Ataraxic. Free from worry. Complete Hedona.

In fact, if it wasn't for my creative drive, I'd not be here writing on my blog right now. But, I just felt like making a little sense and venting out some creativity and here I am.

Lately, I've been having tears form in the corner of my eyes for no reason at all. Is that my body telling me my soul's breaking apart? Maybe it is. The side-effect of thinking I can live long with my Devil May Care attitude.

If Ataraxia is a gift, I want to feel blessed.
But all I feel is burdened ...

To fall apart and just let it all out of my system. But falling apart is not an option I'm leaving open anymore, and therefore I'm going to see how long I can take this.

I haven't been eating and I haven't been getting any sleep even if I 'sleep' for around 10 hours. Eating Disorders and Sleeping Disorders. Just what I needed.

It seems that my life revolves around these, disorders, you may almost feel that I'm making things up as the world spins. But seriously; I think I would know.

Yesterday I had another manic attack and I ticked my friends off ...

All this insanity better be worth it.

This Fire Burns

You can only be backed into a corner so far down, before you decide you want to push back at the world.

How long does it take for a match stick to break in your hands when you apply a force to it? Not very long.

This is different though. The day I start reconsidering myself as a match stick, I know I've gone down again. There's no turning back.

So I sat in the dark, hating myself and hating everything. But this hate wasn't working. This hate was aimed at myself. Redirected to myself.

But now I see the light. You can only hate yourself for so long. Channel your hate into a rage, and unleash it. There is no satisfaction like the satisfaction of breaking free.

And I'm there now. I'm free from guilt, I'm free from sadness/depression/melancholia. None of this is my fault ... not any more anyway.

This Fire Burns.
Backed into a corner
with no where to go
there used to be a man here
who suffered fate's blow

no longer does he live
drowned in a pool of loss
no longer is he saddened
anger is his only thought

no longer does he feel sorry
or sad because of fate
The only thing left standing
is the fire of hate

----

"There are two sides to anger. On one hand it can be the cause of tremendous pain and suffering. It can turn into hatred or violence in the blink of an eye and destroy everything we love and care about, or it can turn inward and become bitterness and despair. The later of course just eats us up from the inside until we break down or break apart."

Don't accept sympathy. No more excuses.Vent your anger with compassion.Do nothing with your anger for 24 hours.

Am I happy? Yes.
There's always a price though... I might end up hurting people. But what the hell, I'm tired of hurting myself for so long. I've given away enough chances...

Am I falling into pieces? No. I'm just rising from the ashes in a bright fire. I'm a pheonix.

Train of Thoughts

I was wondering if I would come across any more proof of Insanity ... or just Bipolar Disorder, for now ...

Here's a concept I termed "Train Of Thoughts"

Your head gets filled with so many ideas, all at once (or sometimes, just one) and you start thinking about that idea, or ideas, so fast that you lose focus over real time (of what's going on around you) . It's a symptom of Bipolar II.

It's like a runaway train of thoughts ... am I making sense yet?
Let me share an experience with you.

A few days ago, I was with my family. When I started thinking about having a fight =\
Yeah ... I do not know where that thought came to my head from ...

No, wait ... *sigh* I know exactly why I felt that way ... I'm not going to disclose why, it's personal and something I haven't shared for 19 years now ... and that's how it's staying.

So yeah, I wanted to blow open someone's head, and see their blood spattered on the wall.
Lol, I'm just kidding ... about the splattered blood and all ... got ya though, didn't I?

It's happening right now as I type... Euphoria and something I like to call "Sugar Rush" ... (one of the symptoms of Bipolar ... bla bla)

Getting back to topic, I was walking with my parents when that thought hit me. And I got sooo into it, I actually saw it flash in front of my eyes. The scenario with a stranger where I smash his skull into a wall, and so on.

Before I realized it, I was walking a metre away from my parents, and hadn't realized it. I hadn't noticed that I'd starting walking a lot faster, and when I came back from my thought, I had no idea how I got there, or why. It felt like waking up from a dream and finding yourself standing in a crowd.

Yeah, that is exactly how it felt.

I've been having recurring thoughts of childhood ... all bad things, yes. Things I'm not very happy about, yes. Family and people close to me might know what I'm talking about. It's the thing I blame my bipolar disorder on ... and there's more, yes.

Sidetracking, it's ironic how sometimes I ask a chat bot on msn my horoscope, and he almost nails it right, too:


gemini horoscope for friday, september 21st, 2007:

" If things get too hard for you, dear Gemini, are you open to seeking out some counseling? Don't let pride or embarrassment get in the way of getting the support you need in your life when things get to be too much. Ever look in the yellow pages under this category? There are literally thousands available. This is because there's a great demand for these services! You're not alone and the sooner you take care of yourself, the quicker you'll get back on the right track. "

There's a "right track"?

Horoscope. Just the kind of faux wisdom/vague prophecy that I needed.

"Twisted Nerve"

There comes a time in every dude's life when he has to stop being about all fun and games and start thinking about life.

About where it's taking them. Whether they want to be pulled on a leash, or take charge of it.

Good God, who knew the leash was to a runaway train on fire?

Here's a theory by yours truly.

The longer you delay on taking charge of the leash, it keeps on stacking up. Until one day, you realize, the cute puppy at the end of the leash has turned into a run away train. And it's lit up like a christmas tree, complete with it's own bonfire.

It hits you like a brick. Square in the chest.
What have I been doing?

Personally, I've never taken anything seriously ... I liked to think of it as Ataraxia. The greek term, meaning complete freedom from worry. Nirvana, if you may. The creame a'la creame of all pleasures... nothing to think about.

God knows how wrong I was ...

Take this line from "machiavellianism" which relates to me on a whole new level now:
"My End, Justifies my Means ... All I Ever Do Is Delay ..."

All I ever did was delay.

The plane is still on the runaway, awaiting take off, and I'm already gulping down martinis. Maybe I'm just worrying too much ... it can't be too bad, right?

Right ... Being a control freak, the perfect nightmare is to realize that you have no control.
And I'm a Control Freak ...

Freaked out, apparently, because I have to;

1. Look for a Job, to prove a point to my parents. And probably myself.
2. Give a Microsoft Exam ... and actually study for it. Please God, give me the willpower to ...
3. Start figuring out where I'm going with all of this ...
4. Get back in control. Be content with life once again.

It's all happening so fast ... really, really fast ... someone pull the damn chain on this thing, please.

I actually have to give a thought to forming a band with my friends ... I never thought I'd have to actually think about a decision like this ... this is, what I would've said yes to on the spot, a few days ago. And now there's so much to do, I don't know how to go on about it and get things done ...

Maybe I'm just stressing too much. I actually turn my room upside down, only because I can't find my set of keys ... I end up breaking things, and making a mess, and the sense of relief I get when I do find what I'm looking for : That's Nirvana on earth for me.

So maybe I should just relax ... the universe will unfold itself, right? It actually feels good to think that way, to write it down ... to try, to assure myself that I'm right.

I wish I still had that inside me ... not giving a shit. But something tells me this is bigger. Something tells me I owe this to Myself, most importantly.

"Our generation has had no Great Depression, no Great War. Our war is spiritual.
Our depression is our lives."

- Chuck Palahniuk, Fight Club.

The Stir

Me and Saad were talking some time ago, and Saad said "Dude, we really need a stir in our lives"

I don't know if this is what he was talking about, but if I were to file today into the records, this would definately classify as a stir.

So Me, Sam and Saad "xt" decided to go to our hangout spot which we call "The Cliff"

But since the cliff was already occupied by a hound of dogs with gleaming eyes, we decided to explore another route that took us to the west side of the cliff.

We reached this place with a lot of buildings still under construction and no lights at all. We loved the spot at first sight.

Me and Saad decided to explore further, and climbed on top of one of the incomplete buildings, or just the exoskeleton of the building, and went up to what looked like the "roof".

Sam was a bit reluctant, but he joined a while later and we sat up on the roof, looking up at the stars and the flying clouds above. It was pretttyy o_o

So after we were done with our "meal" we decided to head back home at around 11.30. BUT, Since I didn't feel like going back home, we agreed on dropping off Saad home and going to sam's place, where he would arrive in his car.

So we did just that, and Saad came up to sam's place in about 20 minutes. Sam couldn't come so we bid farewell and embarked on our ''journey''

We were still near civilization when I got the though of playing pool, but for some reason I didn't say it out loud and me and Saad agreed on going back to the "Ghost Town" ... yes, that's what we called the place. Since there was no civilization for at least a mile's radius.

Earlier when we were going back home with Sam, at the exit to the 'farmlands' we almost ran over a black cat. We stopped a few feet further and looked back to see the cat still alive and crossing the road.

When me and Saad arrived at the same spot at around 12.00, the cat just sat at the entrance, as if waiting for us.

We followed the path to the Ghost Town when we came to an intersection. And as cliche' as this sounds the only street light at the cross section turned off as soon as we reached it...

ME: "Lol, saad, this is almost like something wants us to come back to the Ghost Town ..."
xt: "Yeahhhh, I'm getting that too"

We entered, and decided to take a different path to a different set of incomplete buildings. But, that wasn't going to happen, as Saad's car started to get trapped under the sand. So we just decided to go back to the previous Ghost Town.

We reached the ghost town, and strangely, it seemed a lot darker than before. And the time was clocked at around 12.00 too.

So we got off, but I seriously didn't want to climb any roofs anymore. I was freaked out, and you can't blame me. You haven't seen "The Cliff" ...

So Saad, being the baaastard that he is :p .. decided to go off exploring. At first we just stopped the car in the middle like before and sat down to listen to the "Sounds Of The City"

But we heard more than we wanted to. We actually heard footsteps. Now, that freaked us out. I got in the car and xt was behind me, when the smartass actually stopped to listen to more.

We stood there for like a minute when Saad said:
"Dude, I feel like something just went around me ..."
Me:
"Er, riight, can we get out of here??"

But that's not exactly what Saad had in mind ... he started going back towards the house we were sitting on earlier, and I wasn't about to stay in the car =\

I opened the door, and kept it open, and ran towards saad.

Me:
"Dude, where the fuck are you going?"
Saad:
"I want too see what that sound was ..."
Me:
"What? Fuck no, let's get the fuck out of here..."
Saad:
"Hellllooooooo?"

I grabbed Saad's shirt and pulled him back
Me:
"You baaasturd, we're leaving"

We both turned around to catch the one sight that we think we'll remember forever.

No, before I tell you what we saw, keep in mind that Saad had the keys to his car in his hand. And, the car was completely turned off.

So I turn Saad around, and my gaze goes up to the car followed by Saad's

And we witness the car headlights turn on for a complete second before immaturely turning back off.

And no, nothing flashed before our eyes, because we were too fucking scared to even think.
So what did we do? We made a run for it ... we didn't think of running. We just ran.

We got in the car, and Saad actually stumbled to get it to ignition. That dude doesn't have problems starting his car when he's completely stoned!

Finally, when the car did start ... we drove the fuck out of there, and only started breathing again when we reached civilization ...

The first thing we did was to recollect the facts.
No matter what you prove, there was no way the lights could've turned on and off by themselves.

Our theory : That's how someone replied to us. When Saad felt something pass by him, the "thing" went inside the car ...

We drove all the way back to Sam's place to tell him the story first!

So we decided never to back to The Cliff or the Ghost Town ...

... yeah, right. Next sunday baby!

Claustrophobia ...

I've always hated claustrophobia. The fear of being trapped.

Always. Even as a child. I extremely hated it. If I had a gun, and no wisdom at all, I'd have shot myself when I was 10.

I remember getting stuck in my shirt. I remember it like yesterday; I couldn't breath at all, and got the sensation of drowning ... until my dad had to tear the shirt up to get me out.

I was alive again. For a few seconds there, I had felt like death was creeping from the shadows to shake hands with me ...

And somehow that feeling has stayed with me like a stamp on my forehead or a barcode on the back of my neck.

They say most of the shit you go through in childhood reflects in your life later.

I've grown so paranoid' of the feeling, I lose control. I'm a loose cannon, and my judgement has been shot in the head.

And everything around me bleeds when I erupt.

If you push something or someone really hard in a corner, and there's no way to come out, you end up recieving the same amount of force. If you push something until there's no place to go, it'll just push back.

There's a limit to everything. Yield Point.

The feeling of, not being in control. The feeling of being lost ... The feeling of losing it.

The feeling of no sense of direction. The feeling of ... being a puppet.

Just makes me wish I had a gun and no wisdom at all ... makes me wish I was never 10 ...

Bipolar Blogger

So now, I'm officially a "Self-Diagnosed Manic Depressive" ... A Bipolar ... Contracted with Bipolar Disorder II (Or just Bipolar II)

In this life, and this time, it's not a matter of precautions from diseases anymore. It's now a matter of picking a disease you like and telling everyone about it.

But tell me , do any of these remind you of me?

• Inflated self-esteem or Grandiosity
• Inflated self-importance; in some, delusions or hallucinations.
• Feeling all-powerful, invincible, and destined for greatness.
• Euphoric mood; Feeling “high”, excessively optimistic, better than ever before.
• Extreme irritability Feeling irritable or angry; Behavior that is aggressive, provocative, or intrusive.
• Decreased need for sleep; Feeling rested after just a few hours of sleep.
• More talkative than usual; Extremely talkative and sociable; pressure to keep talking.
• Racing thoughts Flight of ideas; can't keep up with your own ideas and thoughts.
• Distractibility
• Inability to concentrate, distracted, restless.
• Increase in goal-directed activity or psychomotor agitation
• Extremely energetic; increased productivity; a feeling of high intelligence and creativity.
• Risky behavior
• Excessive involvement in pleasurable or high risk activities, such as sex, drug or alcohol use, gambling, or spending sprees.
• Impaired judgment
• Reckless, impulsive, unpredictable; No perception that the mood and behaviors are abnormal.
  

If you ask me, I'd say all of them do ...

I'd say Bipolar has it's own set of advantages and disadvantages. For all I know, all my creativity is chanelled through it. I might owe everything I have at this point to it ... how did I get the disease? People that know me for very long, will agree when I tell them how my childhood played a part. I may sound all dramatic at this point, but that's all I can think of as the origins of this disease. Still confused? Two words; "Congenital Ptosis"

So what are the advantages? I do feel 'high' and 'euphoriac' ... hell, I was just telling my friends about that the other day ... does the term "Sugar Rush" mean anything to you? Yes, that's a manic episode ... and even more proof.

Am I good writer? Point number 2.

Do I have mood swings? Yes, I do. Point number 3.

Sugar rushes. Point number 4.

And to make it all complete, I like art ...

Oh, and I just called myself a good writer. That's Grandiosity right there. Point number 5.

And another advantage I can think of? I might be meeting Sidney Sheldon, or Kurt Cobain soon ... or just their height of hype ... hopefully.

Rate of flow of time ...

Time flies by so fast ... I've always thought of life, as the longest thing anyone can experience.

But if things keep moving at such a fast rate, what's the use? It is, about the journey, and not the destination, right? Right.

So, 2 months have gone by faster than I could say "2 months have gone by faster than I could say" ... and if my memory serves me right, the highlights of these 2 months were:

1. Me and my friends being mugged.
2. The stayovers at friend's places!
3. Learning how to make coffee ... oh, and practicing egg making technique ... lol.
4. Deciding on what I want my future to be like!
and of course:
5. Falling in love! (which makes it all complete! =) ... )

It seems like yesterday, but I don't remember a thing ... and neither do I remember, anything that happened. It's all like a dream. I faintly remember hanging out with Sarmad and Lala at 7 in the morning, and walking around Malaz on foot ... and now, it's a week till Lala comes back from Pakistan.

I also faintly remember getting a call from Saad Saquib at 12 in the night, telling us he's come to Riyadh. And now, he's going back to paki in a day ...

It's been 2 bloody months ... and I only remember it as a week ... Maybe its something to do with having fun, and time flying by so fast because of that.

Whatever it was ... I hope everything I do remember, stays where it is ...

Danish's Law Of Flow Of Time:

The Rate Of Flow Of Time = How Much Fun You're Having.

Burning in the midnight oil ...

I'm dead tired and have been waiting for A meanie, but since there's nothing on tv, and no one online (except sam who's not in the mood to talk or something) I think it's best if I start writing. That way, I wont fall asleep, and hey; I like writing.

So what do I write about ... I actually have some stuff written down in my cell fone, but I'm not in the mood to write about that.

I'm not in the mood to write at all actually =\

Wow ... I'm actually bored ... and sleepy! I'm never sleepy =\

I need to learn how to make tea ... *googles tea making instructions*

...

Okay, maybe I'll just drink Red Bull in a while.

Oh, I know, I'll just tell you how sucky my day was ... I woke up at around 7 ... in the night ... and so, I didn't get to see the sun the whole day. Which is really depressing. Stayed depressed for about, 4 hours. Went out to meet some friends. Met some bastards while meeting some friends. Decided to go meet some other friends. Met 'some other friends'. Decided to have a deep conversation with Sam and Saad ... got depressed because their lives weren't good. Felt the manic depression and guilt kicking in. What guilt you ask? Go Figure. Came back home, smelling like a cigarette factory. Finally got to hear Aminii's voice. Told to wait for an hour. An hour and 45 minutes go by. I decide to write about how sucky my day was...

Okay, now that I've gotten myself even more depressed, I think I'll just go listen to Nirvana and blackout for a while.

Cat Hunting

I've had a lot of weird days in my life ... a lot ... and I don't know if I "blogged" about the rest of them, but since I pretty much remember all that happened today, I feel like writing it down.

Right. My day started at around, erm, 4 pm? I don't even remember ... Why did I wake up so late? Insomnia and this thing I've caught ... erm, called "Anima" ... hehe ...

I waited till 7 for Sam to come over so we could go see what Riyadh was upto, and he finally arrives. We listen to Metallica for a while, and he comments on how he's having a 'bad hair day'

Apparently, he tried some new hair conditioner ... need I continue? So he actually asked me for a pony ... Me, a guy who likes his hair, really short ... but hey, I had a rubberband! And so what if I accidentally dipped it in youghurt the other day ... it was clean now!

Aaanyhow, with his hair in a rubberband, we went out to eat. We had pizza, we took out a slice, a piece of chicken, and made a Pizza Pac Man. How cool are we? Ha! Try that with your food! Make a pac man with ... erm ... whatever you eat the next time ...

Ahem ... anyhow ... we gave the rest of our friends a call, and we went to pick em up! Turns out, they decided to play 'rockstar' ... yes, they jammed for a while and then did what almost every other rockstar does in the backstage area ... So, they're walking in the air, most of them anyway, and we're like, a long distance from where we wanted to be. It's like, 7 guys crammed in an Ultima ... okay, 6, since Sam was on the driving wheel ... but 2 guys actually had to ride shotgun >.> ... me and this other guy ... lol ... and just my luck, all the cops were out for joy-rides =\
So this guy, who's high, is actually 'riding shotgun' with me, and whenever theres a cop car, he would shove my head down to 'hide me' >.>

Ooh, and I was wearing sandals right ... and because a Nissan Ultima has air conditioning for your feet, I took them off :D ... when sam dropped all the guys home, and we decided to stop for ... *cough* some friends of ours to *cough* take off for the air again ... me and Sam got out, and I couldnt find one of my sandals : ... We actuallly looked everywhere, and it was just gone! So I'm sitting on the side of the road ... *cough* keeping a look out for 5-0 *cough* ... with a sandal on just one foot >.>

Lol, I try calling a meano, but the meano didn't pick up >.>

Aanyhow, so when our friends were back in the air, one of them says "Hey, I found your sandal ... er, like 5 minutes ago" ... >.> ... So I wear my sandal with glee and get back to riding shotgun ... alone ... when this friend of ours gets a call from home ... more like a s.o.s actually ... apparently, a really big cat was in his home, and no one could get it out ... they were trying for half an hour =\

So we decide we're going to do something about it XD

We reached the friends house at around, 12.45? We go up and we find this, HUGE fuck'ng cat, clinging to the curtain =\ ... and it looked more like a friggin Liger Cub ... Gato' el Diablo eat your friggin heart out ... that was by FAR the most stupidest/stubborn/evil/mean/possessed/scary cat I have EVER seen ...

It would climb anything! You give it an iceberg, and it'd probably climb that too ... Oh, and we figured out it was a female when it was clinging to the curtains ... erm ... yeah ...

So anyway, it does NOT want to leave. Either it's scared of humans, or it wants to wait till we're asleep to eat our brains. So, everyone ... everyone ... is scared of the cat ... but Me and Sam grab these 'weapons' ( a walking stick and one of those long scale like things architects use to sketch buildings) and decide to go cat hunting XD

First of all, Sam manages to hit it and get it off the curtain ... the bloody cat went under teh dressing table =\ ... we tried SO MANY THINGS to get it out ... water, turning the ac on ... hitting it ... but it wouldn't move ... we could barely see it under the table too =\
So anyway, Sam, being the big guy he is, manages to use the walking stick thing to move the dressing table from position and we keep poking it for like, another half an hour ... then, I use the scale thingy (it looked more like a Grim Reaper's ... erm ... Reaping Tool Thing with Blades At Both Side XD ... not real blades though, plastic thingies ... lol) ... and poke it hard when it decides to come out and climb the curtains again =\

It was also by far, the FASTEST cat I have Ever Seen ...

After a loooooong while, it decides to hide behind the bed >.>

A friend comments "lets push the bed, and the pull it, so it gets pressed and then runs out!"

...

Me: "Yeah, right, erm ... well, I know what I have to do"

So I clapped ... and first I get a strange look, but finally the joke kicks in.

...

So, the brother of the dude who's home it was, decides to first throw water behind the bed ... which didn't work ... he then throws the air conditioner's grill thing ... which didn't work.

Me: "Erm, you do realize, that the more stuff you throw back there, the more chance of it getting stuck?"
Everyone: "ohh ... ohh, yeahhh ..."

So then, when everyone's had their chance of looking behind the bed to see if the cat is alive and kicking, it's my turn :(

So, I lean behind the bed, and see this ... cat ... staring back at me ... all, Evil ... it's eyes all black, and I actually start talking to it =\

Me: "Erm, come out cat ... we won't hurt you ... just, erm, leave ... and we'll er, let you go ... dont be a bitch now!"
Sam: "Er, I don't think you can call it a bitch ... it WAS a cat the last time I saw it"
Me: >.> No way! So that's what it is?? >.>

The cat is lodged between the wall, the air conditioner grill thing, and the bed. So I use my Grim Reaper Double Blades ... XD ... and try to get the grill thing off the cat, so it moves out. And I actually got what I was asking for. Before I could blink, move, or say "what the fu*k?!" the room was literally empty and the cat was nowhere to be found. Oh, and there was screaming.

So I jump ... yes ... jump ... from the thing I was standing on to the bed and towards the door, when the bloody cat goes back under the dressing table =\ ...

*sigh* we cover the entrance to under the bed, because it'd be a tough mother to get from under there ...

Sam manages to get it out from under the table but it climbs back on top of the curtains =\

That's when Me and Sam got really frustrated >.>
We're standing on the bed, sam with his shoes on ... oh, and I don't like wearing my sandals a lot, as you probably found out ... and we poke the cat a few times ... when that doesnt work, I use the blade thingy ... to push it down, and it falls on the table thing, BEHIND the curtains so we couldnlt seee it. Okay, so it goes behind this bag thing, and I push the bag real hard so it can't go behind it ... then it decides to jump out and back under the dressing table ...

But for the last time ... muhahaha ... ahem ... Sam does what he does best ... getting cats out from under dressing tables ... and it finally runs out of the room ... me and Sam chase it downstairs, with our weapons :p ... but till the time we reach the bottom ... it's gone ... that's it ... the cat's just vanished. It either ran out of the door, or just turned into air.

With that taken care of, we raise our weapons high and compile our very first war dance and victory song. "Yeahhhhh, who rocks? We Roccckkk" followed with the rock on sign. Hehe.

We took care of a pest problem! ... so what if it took us 2 hours? We did!!

Cat problems? Call 1900-000-DSx ... XD

Simple Music

Hey ... why do I always start with "hey" ?? ... Anyway. I was just facebooking, when I realised I'd left my blog on it's own for quite some time now ... it's been some time, and I couldn't help but feel I've been neglecting the blog.

Even when I have nothing to write about, I can just come here and ... blah ... right? Of course I can!

So let's see ... I downloaded the new White Stripes album, and it's called Icky Thump. Apparently, there's a story behind that (eecky thump) but it just didn't sound inviting enough and I didn't get into detail.

The album is, all right. I like to call stuff like this 'simple music' because if you look at the details, like tablature and drum beats, it's not all that, but it sounds so kickass.

Listen to "Icky Thump" and "Little Cream Soda" from the album if you can.

Simplicity rocks.

Other "simple" musical acts include: Nirvana, and Audioslave ... now, both these bands ... or the guitarists of the bands ... have been known to be Effects Pedal-Happy ... they step on it to turn it on, and forget turning it off.

So even the simplest chords and riffs sound like ... well, just sound really awesome.

That, is simple music, resourcefully done. Just the way I like it.

Then, I came across Chris Cornell ... he's what people think Atif Aslam to be : A Rockstar. See, how I bolded Rockstar, so the point comes across :

He was in a lot of rock bands, he writes his own stuff, and he doesn't dance.

Ever heard of Soundgarden? Audioslave? Even if you haven't : just know, they were Big.

Atif Aslam has a great voice, no doubt. And I'm not completely against Stereo-Typing, but people shouldn't brand artists like him, rockstars. I know, I know, all the cool kids wan't to wear those big glasses, leather bands, and have spiky hair. But come on now, it's not a lifestyle. It's an attitude. Not Everyone Has It.

And it's not only Atif Aslam. There are so many artists out there, if I start a list, I'd run out of space.

What's up with that? What ever happened to originality?

*sigh*

Changing lanes, I saw a few noir' movies. Did I already describe those? My interpretation of them is: Bad things happen, and you really have to think. I'd describe it as "smart cinema"

Besides that, what else have I been doing? Blah, I've been in and out of melancholia ... that's basically it.

I've been giving my guitar some time ... and, it's been paying off :)

I haven't said a word about life yet, have I? Does it really matter? We all have our own lives to lead ... and we're promised the same choices, right? So it's all in our own hands, right? We're the ones messing it up then?

I'd hate to stop writing about it though ... old habits die hard.

Dawning ...

Ohkayy! It has now, officially, been 18 years ... and I've been meaning to write a blog entry similar to this one, and now is the best time to write! Don't ask me why though ...

Time has gone by so fast ... I mean, when people said "life is short" I used to laugh at them, and think to myself: Life is by far the longest thing you can experience.What people probably meant was: Life is too short, if you don't have fun every minute. Or that's just how I think ... hehe.Also note: Life is too short to blend in ... :D

Anyhow, I've been thinking, ever since May started ... aah, my month, so many good things have happened in Mays' past ... yeah, ever since May started, of whatI'm going to do, once I reach the 29th ... I had a lot in mind, was going to do a lot, but due to some 'unforseen circumstances' I had to ... aah, nevermind. Let me just come to what I CAN do ...

First of all, I would like to apologise to EVERYONE out there. All of you people, sitting unaware at home, and everyone here right now, reading this post. Why? Just because this is the "Dawning Of The Rest Of Our Lives" .... our? Yes, Yours, Mine and Another Person that's probably the "unaware" part ... So yes ... from deep down inside, I'm Sorry for anything that I have done to either : hurt you/shock you/piss you off ... I probably didn't mean it ... and even if I did ... I'm Sorry!!!!

Second, I'd like to THANK all of you. Yes, YOU! You make my life special!! Think of all the things we've done together, yeah, lets ... take a minute, or more if it takes you. How many times have we laughed together? Ever wonder how happiness is so underrated?? Next time you're 'depressed' give it a thought. And when you realise, come back tonotice: We've shared laughter!!

We've shared a lot more probably ... sadness? Have we done that? Have we helped each other out? Have we made conversation for hours and hours? Did I mention you in my blog post, ever? Did I make other people meet you?
Even if we haven't done ANY of that ... I'm just glad to know you right now ... I'm glad you can tell people you know me ... and I'm glad I can tell people I know you ...

THANK YOU. Because my life definately would've been incomplete without YOU right now ... no matter who you are! I know, somehow you've brought change to my life, and I'm grateful for it all ...

There are so many things for me to be thanking you for : Maybe I spent some time with you? When I just got to be "myself" ?? I love that, I love being myself. Thank you for that.
Maybe I've told you something I have never ever told anyone else? Thank you for "letting me go" of something. Maybe I've known you my whole life? Maybe you know everything I've ever done, maybe you're the person I tell everything as soon as it happens. Thank you for being there to listen.

Maybe we share a passion together? Rock and Roll, and Drugs? Thank you for being here ... thank you for being you!

Even if we haven't done all that? Thank you.

The list is endless ... and to sum it all up: THANK YOU FOR ANY MOMENT I MIGHT HAVE SHARED WITH YOU.

ooh, ooh, I would like to wish someone who's probably not even reading: Happy Birthday!! You probably have no idea how you've touched me for the good. It was all good. Thank you ...

"Don't be sad for every moment that goes by
Don't be sad for every moment that dies
The past is behind us ... let's start again with
The Dawning Of The Rest Of Our Lives"

- Danish

Unhealthy Healthy Habits

I was going through Msn Health And Fitness where I read about 'healthy habits' which aren't really healthy. And I came across this:

Drinking eight glasses of water a day
Admit it, this is one healthy habit that’s a royal pain. Luckily, it’s also completely unnecessary. For some people, eight glasses a day might actually be far too much, leading to sodium deficiencies and potentially life-threatening water intoxication, caused by kidneys not being able to keep up the intake of liquids. In 2002, a kidney specialist tried, in vain, to find any scientific evidence supporting the eight-glasses-a-day myth. His report, published in the American Journal of Physiology, concluded that this standard health advice was complete and utter bunk that, like many urban legends, stemmed from a tiny grain of truth. Apparently, the dietary guidelines provided by the Food and Nutrition Board of the National Research Council do say that humans need 1 milliliter of water for each calorie of food—adding up to about 10 cups a day. However, the same guidelines also say that we get most of this liquid from the water in solid food. There’s no need to drink more.
Source: Msn Health and Fitness

So do I stop drinking a lot of water, or do I first ask my kidney?

And, another one I read about was : Carrots improving your eyesight.

Apparently, During World War 2, the british navy fighters were spotting Nazi pilots from further distances and shooting them down. So what do they do? They spread the news that carrots were helping their pilots see in the dark. What really happened was, the british developed a better radar system that they didn't want their enemies to know about.

Carrots are a good source of Vitamin A, but eating a lot won't give you night vision ... instead, it'll develop a toxin in your body, which isn't fatal, but hey... Toxin.