Train of Thoughts

I was wondering if I would come across any more proof of Insanity ... or just Bipolar Disorder, for now ...

Here's a concept I termed "Train Of Thoughts"

Your head gets filled with so many ideas, all at once (or sometimes, just one) and you start thinking about that idea, or ideas, so fast that you lose focus over real time (of what's going on around you) . It's a symptom of Bipolar II.

It's like a runaway train of thoughts ... am I making sense yet?
Let me share an experience with you.

A few days ago, I was with my family. When I started thinking about having a fight =\
Yeah ... I do not know where that thought came to my head from ...

No, wait ... *sigh* I know exactly why I felt that way ... I'm not going to disclose why, it's personal and something I haven't shared for 19 years now ... and that's how it's staying.

So yeah, I wanted to blow open someone's head, and see their blood spattered on the wall.
Lol, I'm just kidding ... about the splattered blood and all ... got ya though, didn't I?

It's happening right now as I type... Euphoria and something I like to call "Sugar Rush" ... (one of the symptoms of Bipolar ... bla bla)

Getting back to topic, I was walking with my parents when that thought hit me. And I got sooo into it, I actually saw it flash in front of my eyes. The scenario with a stranger where I smash his skull into a wall, and so on.

Before I realized it, I was walking a metre away from my parents, and hadn't realized it. I hadn't noticed that I'd starting walking a lot faster, and when I came back from my thought, I had no idea how I got there, or why. It felt like waking up from a dream and finding yourself standing in a crowd.

Yeah, that is exactly how it felt.

I've been having recurring thoughts of childhood ... all bad things, yes. Things I'm not very happy about, yes. Family and people close to me might know what I'm talking about. It's the thing I blame my bipolar disorder on ... and there's more, yes.

Sidetracking, it's ironic how sometimes I ask a chat bot on msn my horoscope, and he almost nails it right, too:


gemini horoscope for friday, september 21st, 2007:

" If things get too hard for you, dear Gemini, are you open to seeking out some counseling? Don't let pride or embarrassment get in the way of getting the support you need in your life when things get to be too much. Ever look in the yellow pages under this category? There are literally thousands available. This is because there's a great demand for these services! You're not alone and the sooner you take care of yourself, the quicker you'll get back on the right track. "

There's a "right track"?

Horoscope. Just the kind of faux wisdom/vague prophecy that I needed.