Aug 25, 2011

Dream, within a dr- Oh, shut the fuck up.


I've been meaning to do this for a really long time.

Inception. I'm going to tear it a new one.

To put it in short, Inception is like a jugsaw puzzle that tries really hard to come off as a rubik's cube. A puzzle that is confusing and so hard to understand, that solving it makes you a part of an elite society. It's the same effect that buying a cup of coffee at Starbucks induces in people. You think to yourself, oh, this is such a fine puzzle, that me understanding it can only mean I belong to a heirarchy that involves people that understand this shit. Surely not a common man. It's only one of the many ways that money makers have found of pulling people into the loop, by feeding their egos. Because the modern day mammal loves nothing more than his or her ego being fed, a.k.a. living the dream.

The plot, the concept of Inception is so shallow, that it can be explained in very simple terms in about 5 minutes. The film makers aren't stupid, I'm not saying that. On the contrary, the film makers are smart people that know this, and could've accomplished that very task - save for the fact that they would never want to. Because that's the secret, the cash cow. They managed to take a concept so simple, and structure it, and present it in a way so tangled up (to orchestral music in the background, of course,) that the common man of today comes out of it feeling like a rocket scientist. And that is the magic of "Inception."

Also to mention, Inception's shallow plot line is not helped by how the movie has no boundaries or set rules to it. No matter what amount of imagination the film makers require the audience to bring in to the movie, I feel the experience is incomplete if there aren't any set of rules developed pre-game. Imagine playing a game of chess without any rules? It just wouldn't be a game of chess then.

Similarly, in Inception it seems that the film makers did whatever the hell they wanted to, from the beginning till the end. Oh, we can go inside dreams, hunky dory. Midway through it all, oh, we can go inside the second layer of the dream too, did ja know? No, I didn't know, because what the fuck, you just made that up.

Filmaker: You know what, how about we just flip the whole surface of the planet in this one scene.

My question here is; Why?? What did that one scene have ANYTHING to do, at fuck all, with the plot? The story line? The concept? Or should I say, the lack of all those things?

It didn't. It was just a cheap trick. One of the many cheap tricks, in fact, Hollywood deploys in the present, so movie goers can just gawk in awe without wasting any brain cells.

Also see: Michael Bay, and Transformers.

It's just pleasant things to look it. Just like Paranormal Activity. There's no plot, there's no sub plot, there's nothing going on. All that it offers, is cheap thrills. Shock imagery. Scary shit happening back to back.

Back in the days, it used to be - they would actually sit down and ponder over how to make the movie more intriguing by adding story telling elements to it. By adding msytery, by adding suspense. By developing character back stories, and somehow unfolding a character's mentality to the person on the other side of the screen.

Take John Carpenter's "The Thing," created all the way back in 1982. The movie had zero to none Computer Generated Imagery. And we can all imagine what the special effects were like back then ourselves. But what John Carpenter did have - was talent, and a way with story telling.  The following is a spoiler because I want to make the whole thing about "The Thing" quick and short, because I'm not writing  review for it:

[SPOILER ALERT - because I can't talk about the sheer genius, without spoiling a key plot element.] - You see this random dog being hunted by a bunch of Norweignans at the beginning, that fail, and the dog just takes a liking for the people that save it. For the next couple of scenes, you just see this poor shaken up dog look at them from behind windows, and slumping under a table. You look it, and you say "Awww, what an adorable puppy!" The next thing you know, the dog is the mother flipping alien that ultimately ends up killing everyone. Now who would've fucking thought? [Spoilers Ended]

Now, if you haven't seen The Thing, I suggest you watch it as soon as you can, because it's not only a great movie. But it can also be used as a lesson, and something you can compare recent movies to. It has you second guessing everything, even yourself, until the very end. Strong character development, check. Eerie atmosphere, double check. Cheap thrills? Maybe a few. But it doesn't not end up serving you cheap thrills on any expenses, and delivers on all counts.

Let's go back to Inception, shall we?

It has pretty things to look at, and that's about it, in a nutshell. It has a very simple concept/story, and it makes up for that by presenting that concept/story in a very confusing fashion.

I'm not saying anything about the actors, because Leonardo Dicaprio has done some very good things. Not Titanic, no. I'm talking about things like Martin Scorcese's The Departed.

Also pardon me if this seems like a rant - but I literally couldn't sleep at night thinking about how people make Inception up to be some sort of art. Like it's so philosophical and deep, as if Socrates himself wrote it. No, Socrates would've laughed at the lack of all logic. Now excuse me while I go catch up on some much needed sleep.

Aug 14, 2011

It's an ugly fucking world.


This acne medication said "Giving you the power to face the world!"


Because that's just what a teenager with acne needs to read. Confirmation that the world is just a huge sack of shit where the only thing that fucking matters is aesthetics. Because if God forbid, he created you not looking like a 'real' human, and you have some sort of disfigured appearance - how are you going to face the world? Also, he created each and every one of us to be such aesthetic praising mother fuckers, that we rarely ever think of anything else.


Because our idiotic little brains retain information by making data points of every life experience, using whatever little information is provided to us, we don't necessarily take the time out to follow through on minor things like Logic and Reasoning. And what better thing to reign over all this information, than fucking aesthetics. A good looking person vs someone with a horrible looking face, it's no fucking choice who you're going to trust on a rainy day! That job promotion needs to go to someone? Fuck Ellen in accounting, her eyes aren't the same fucking size. Johnathon, however. Who wouldn't want to fuck him. Promote the bastard!


And how do we judge or calculate what is more aesthetically pleasing? Here's the real fucking joke - we don't! For some reason or another, all this has already been fed to us before we could even stop ourselves from shitting our own pants, leaving us on the mercy of our hopeless mothers! Oh, Golly Jee, isn't the world such a happy fucking place where everyone is created equal and receives equal rights?! Jumping jupiters, yes sirry! No wonder people are born with all kinds of genetic mutations and things like congenital ptosis! Fuck yeah, equality!


And then the audacity of human kind to portray hypocrisy on such a grand scale, denying judging books by their covers, not realizing it's just human fucking nature - something we can't really fight. We're flawed, which is why all our systems are flawed. But hell no, good sir! That ain't fucking me! Why, I give everyone an equal chance! So what if I start walking faster at night if an ugly mother fucker is coming down the other side of the street? Especially if they're not the same skin color as me! And by God, if they have acne, fuck this shit - I'm booking it!


So, come on teenagers of the world already tired of being on this planet for a measly 15 - 18 years! Pay up all these big wig corporations to take away the flaws given to you by God himself! If he didn't give them to you, how else do you explain them then?? Must be your own fucking fault then, you ugly mother fucker! Now cough up the dough, children in third world countries aren't going to starve themselves.