May 31, 2009

Back home!

It's amazing. Being back home after so long - I realize, I couldn't foresee just how much I really missed my family.

Everything tastes a lot better, it's weird. It's like being in love, I can't shake this smile off my face.

The luxury of getting food without doing anything, not having to do the dishes, or even iron your clothes.

Even though I knew I had to realize this, and would after being so far away from home for so long - it's still ...

I'm too blown away for words right now =)

May 29, 2009

Twenty years after 1989.

This is not how I planned it, no. In my mind I thought I'd be at home right now, after some 'fun fun' with my friends and family.

But as fate would have it, I'm still in Philadelphia, with my bags packed neatly (because I refuse to open them until I reach home) and I just ate a piece of chocolate cake that tasted like crap. Oh, and I got it smothered on my face too, because somehow, even though I couldn't actually do anything about my ''birthday'' and didn't even have anyone around, my room-mate still found it funny to grab a handful and shove it on my face. Go figure.

So anyway, keeping with the tradition of my blog for years now, I'm going to write another post on the day I was born. Well, not exactly the day I was born, 20 years after that, but you know what I'm saying.

Foul mood or not, I'm still alive, right? And will hopefully stay this way for another fiddy or sixty years, right. Wonder if I'll still be writing a blog .. hmm ..
Anyhow.

What was funny about this year was, that everyone wished me on both the 28th and 29th (according to American time) because everyone called when it struck 12 wherever they were. How neat, no?

I reckon I'm way over my head for a 20 year old, I've probably been into and seen more shit than the average 30 year old does, and I'm glad. Live fast, die young. Or, more like, live fast, and try hard not to die young. And it's working so far.

Just because I'm so full of myself, and self-praise makes me feel better, let's take this in that direction. I'm happy, because a lot of people close to me have added to my wisdom. For example, my friends have taught me a lot of ways in which NOT to do things. I'll try to list some things here.

Sarmad has taught me how NOT to drive cars.
LALA has taught me how NOT to go crazy with alcohol.
Adeel has taught me how NOT to hit on girls.
Finky has taught me ... just never to trust him with my life.
Gibran has taught me how NOT to do anything at all.

BUT, my friends have also taught me a lot of things over the years.

LALA has taught me how to say Fuck All, and not give a shit.
Sarmad has taught me to get a bat signal on the roof of every building I ever live in.
Finky has taught me NEVER to sit in cars with him.
Adeel has taught me ... well, what bus takes you where in Philadelphia.

It's been one hell of a ride. In fact, when people say life is short? I have to wonder what they're talking about. Life is by far one of the longest things we ever get to experience. And it's been crazy, till this point, and I don't see it slowing down anytime soon. I love it.

I have to give a shout out to Nobia who I haven't been in contact for the longest while. Shout out to everyone else that I'll probably forget to give a shout out too, not because I'll probably forget, but because ..

I'd like to take this time to wish someone I knew once a Happy Birthday. And even though, a lot has changed since then. And I mean a LOT. This day will still be THE day I was born ... and that person was born ... and the reason we actually met, to begin with.

A year wiser, and still plain stupid. That's how I like to roll. Actually, the way I like to roll is with some Psychedelic shit in the background, and mixed with cigarette tobacco, but you know what I'm saying. Plain stupid, yes. Still not loving Po lees. Still got love, for the chocolate-y treats. Still poop, and sometimes pee.

I can so write rap songs. Can't touch this.

Ok, who else to thank ... ummm, I can probably thank a LOT of people for absolutely no reason like I did last year, but I'm not doing that shit anymore, no. The people that really made this year special, let's see.

Amina. You've fixed me, messed me up, fixed me, messed me up. I know you people, reading this, cursing me under your breath. Don't judge me, I made a stupid mistake, and I'm still going to make more in the future - voluntarily and/or involuntarily - go worry about your own mistakes. So anyway, Thanks for whatever you've given me, or taken away from me - because what didn't kill me only made me stronger. God as my witness.

Moving on ... how about Dagda, huh? I don't know if you're going to read this or not mate, but you kick butt. One day, I hope of being a smartass like you. Honestly. With your hypnosis and shit, dude, you kick butt.

How about his younger brother Saad "Diesel" Saquib. Asshole that he is, he once taught me a valuable lesson, and I still remember it to this day. It's been awesome, all this time I've known you and looked up to you. Until I found out your brother is way cooler, of course =p (go scare someone else with your evil.)

Sarmad. Asshole, I know he'll probably ask me why his name was just mentioned once. HERE. Chawal.

Wijdan - I never knew I'd find someone so similar to Sarmad. In fact, I was probably praying to God that I don't. But works in mysterious ways, He does. Found this carbon copy, I did. But it's all good, they kinda cancel each other out. Oh, and Wijdan does totally kick butt to the amount that Sarmad does. And kicking butt has always been at a high regard in my book.

I've learned a lot this year, I really have. Experienced and seen a lot, too. Compared to last year anyway. And even though I hate aging, I really do. Live forever, I wish I could. So much more left to learn, so much more I have to know, it's just crazy. So Thanks to everyone that's been with me since last year - everyone that hung on for the ride a year longer, and everyone that I met in the meanwhile. Because who am I kidding - one way or the other I bet everyone taught me how To or NOT to do something. Or maybe just brought me an inch closer to one of the many goals in my life - to understand people a little better.

I have to thank God up there, for making me so damn fit. Physically, Mentally, Kick-ass-ically. I mean, seriously. Oh, and also because, it's pretty much a miracle I'm sitting in Philadelphia typing this right now. I'm not dead, that's something too. I've gotten the best "schooling education" that I have in ages. Or probably ever since I was born, because the teachers and professors actually know more than what's in the book's they're holding. And no longer do I feel smarter than the person standing in front of the class. I'm glad, I feel like a huge weigh's been lifted off my chest, for some odd reason. I'm on the receiving end for once - I'm LEARNING in school. It's a miracle, not that I made it this far - fuck, I worked my ass off for this. It's a miracle, because I didn't really think Education ever had anything to do with schooling systems. I have been wronged. Weird.

But I maintain my objective, like Mark Twain said; Not to let my schooling get in the way of my education. And to continue selling ice to Eskimos. That's how it works, uh-huh. And I kick ass at it, so why not.

Furthermore, let me give a few shout outs to, let's see .. Fatimami. I didn't think I'd ever find, in a million years, someone worth talking to in a chatroom called "Desi Chat." You've proven me wrong too. I mean, seriously.

Maira, thanks for reading my blog for all this time, and spreading the word all the way to your uni in Karachi. Say hi to your 'class-mates' for me. =p

I just typed in the title for the post, and damn. I do NOT want to age anymore. 18 was where it was, man. I mean, I realize Age is just a number - but I fear the fact that no one else realizes that! Or do they? Because people all around me act dumb as shit, and never their own age, stupidity is at an all time rise, people fail to see beyond the cover of the book - it's crazy. And I'm just trying to see how to make that work for me ...

Salma, Salwa, Kanchan - shout out, because you've spread the word too. Thanks for being here, for wishing me a happy birthday, for being you, and ... yeah, that's about it. Thanks.

Sheeni. You're evil, and we all know that about now. How about turn it down a couple of notches, it's getting old, seriously. =p Still love you though!

Who else .. hmm .. Zule, you're an idiot. Anum, you're a bigger idiot.

My, this post has gotten long. And I still feel like I'm missing so many people.

Aah, how about the rest of the world? Thanks for giving me numerous reasons to HATE all the things that you do. Thanks for being stupid, at the most odd of times. Thanks for making no sense, for doing things so pointless, for being so much like SHEEP. Thanks for giving me things to Rant about, to show my anger and hate. For making me feel so much smarter, for making me realize, how lucky I am not to be eating grass like you are. For loving the iphone, thank you, idiots. For fueling the corporate machine. For NOT sticking it to the man, because you LOVE the man and don't even realize it. For being so STUPID and realizing it AFTER the war in Iraq. For, drinking out of your Grande' cups of Coffee, for chewing on donuts even if they taste like shit - but just for the sake of chewing on donuts. For thinking Kim Kardashian is hot, even though deep down inside we all know - you wouldn't want to be on the camera in a sex tape with her either. Off camera goes though, right?

For BUYING that tape. God dammit, there's not much to see in there that's not all over the internet already! Images.google.com, idiot.

For campers all over Call of Duty 5 online. Get a fucking life. If you're playing ONLY to win, then you're not winning anything other than the title of FUCKING RETARD.

For the people that judge people without wondering why they do, what they do. For judging strippers, whores, prostitutes, and porn stars, but not giving a flying fuck about what REALLY ticks in that teeny tiny head. Seriously. Psychology ftw.

For asking questions, demanding answers. Not just sitting back, and watching shit hit the fan. Please, people. ASK. FIGURE OUT, FOR FUCK'S SAKE. "WHY?" is in the dictionaries for a REASON.

For everyone reading this blog post right now. For everyone that's made my life miserable, for everyone that's made it amazing. For everyone' that's going to make my life miserable, and for everyone that's not planning it anytime soon.

Thank you. I love you, people. You fuel my engines, you give me shit to write about. Please, don't stop killing each other, writers have got to have something to write about, people need something to talk about. We can't have peace, without war =)

I feel like I'm diverting from my mission, deviating from my objective. How about a big round of applause to Life, huh? To Aging. To, Living!

To experiencing, to learning. To finding out, to getting our hearts broken, to falling in love. To, cheat, to lie, to be lied to, to be cheated to. To laugh, to cry, to experience joy and pain.

To be here on planet Earth, to have a mind that works (almost, for some people). To have a heart that's making blood work. For a Soul that most people fail to see or acknowledge.

I've just turned twenty, I have no clue what the fuck I've been writing about for half this blog post, and I'm pissed for no reason what-so-ever. So, let me exit while I'm still on top, eh?

As I was saying - you people Kick Ass. Not as much as me, of course, but you're trying, nonetheless. Keep at it.

Love each and everyone of you for being here! xoxo for all the females, and .. well, high-fives or some shit for the guys. Or maybe just like a wave, from a distance. You know like a .. like a nod or something.

- Danish Arif.

May 28, 2009

You know what sucks?

I was scheduled to fly on the 27th, reach Riyadh on the 28th. And I could turn 20 with my parents. Perfect, right?

You need a transit visa, even if you're on a plane going to fucking Canada. Even if the layover is just one hour, and you don't get out of the God damn plane, you still need a transit visa. Go figure. Stupid Canadians.

So, I tried cancelling my flight, ended up going back home, to find out that the flight can not be re-scheduled, and I'd have to pay a 900 dollar fee to fly on a further date. Seriously. What the fuck?

Do NOT buy tickets from www.vayama.com. They suck cocks in hell. So does their outsourced customer support team, that I called 7 times yesterday, to talk to 4 different people, that gave me 4 different answers. And then I got an email, which said something else.

Seriously. Wtf?! So you can't afford to run a company, and therefore, you outsource and hire people all the way in India that don't even know how to do what they are doing. And on top of that, you pay that minimum wage. Seriously. Wtf? But then again, I guess paying minimum wage to someone that doesn't even know what they're doing IS generosity, if not plain dumbass-ness.

So I'm still in Philadelphia, 2000 dollars short, and pissed off like never before. Oh, and I turn 20 in a few hours. It doesn't get any worse.

May 25, 2009

Wake me up when the floor stops spinning.

I had a very crazy last night, and proof is this Wolverine Slurpee glass that I paid 2 dollars for last night and don't even remember buying.

But I can believe I bought it; it has those holographic image things, and I heard slurpee tastes REALLY good ... at times ... like last night ...

The apartment is a mess. And not just your average mess, no. See, two days ago we bought a 12 pack of pepsi. And there are cans all over the floor. If I fish my hand below the bed right now, I can bet I'll grab at least 2 cans right now.

I'm still really dizzy, it's a miracle I even woke up so early. 1.59 PM. New record.

Porcupine Tree sounds so good in the morning, it's amazing.

My room mate is nowhere to be found, probably went out on an errand or something.

I needed a new debit card, lost mine 3 weeks ago, a new one's been issued, but this country's got so many damn holidays, and apparently today's the Memorial Day. I have no idea what that is, ignorant piece of crap that I am, and all I know is - that the bank is not open.

I have a bag of chips besides me - half empty (or half full) and it's been completely crushed, probably because I've been sleeping on it. Clothes lay all around me as I type this, so do empty bottles of seven up and powerade, more packs of chips, empty chocolate wrappers, and aluminum foil everywhere. With four neat holes on it, turned black, it's apparent someone's been burning something on it.

Oops, my Iphone .. Damn it .. Omnia is ringing. Be right back.

...

[2 minutes later]

The sun shines through the window, and hurts my eyes. But it's the kind of hurt I like. It's the hurt that tells me, that the glistering light is touching the Adrenaline gland behind my eyes, trying to pump epinephrine in my body. And it seems to be working too.

More empty bottles .. or Orange juice, Dayquil and Ketchup. A bowl of Frosted flakes. And a lot of paper.

Right under my bed, tissue paper covers the carpet, turned brown - soaking up spilled pepsi. From last night, or the one before that, I don't remember anymore - but someone should've thrown that out. Which reminds me, I was supposed to take out the trash last night. Bummer.

My flight is in a few days, on the [censored] to be exact. I'll land in Riyadh on the [censored] at [censored] and be home at [censored]!!

Can't think of anything else to write about, so I'm going to go ahead and microwave the pizza I ordered last night, before making it disappear.

May 18, 2009

May 17, 2009

Prison Break

I can't believe it.

After 4 and a half years that I've watched it, it has ended. Out of nowhere too. I was not expecting this. It almost feels like a breakup. How will my life go on? Pretty soon I'll be angry at Prison Break. It's Prison Break's loss, not mine. But why did it have to end this way?

I mean seriously. What, the fuck? I'm not going to ruin it for anyone who hasn't seen it yet, because a dumbfuck, inbred retard, ruined it for me by posting the ending on his fucking facebook status (get a life, seriously.) I know that's ironic, I'm writing a blog post about the show myself - but at least I'm not spoiling anything for anyone! It's always been a cliffhanger, Prison Break watchers, hasn't it? But seriously. What the fuck.

Prison Break will be missed. For years, me and my friends have discussed every episode in detail. Most of the time I've seen the future, concerning Michael Schofield's fate and everyone else's too. Other times they just caught me with a big surprised look on my face. And this particularly would've been one of those moments if a tool hadn't ruined it for me.

But that doesn't change the fact that it has actually ended. No more Prison Break. And Supernatural is also on hiatus, considering the Season ending. Then it's Season 5, which is probably also going to be the last Supernatural season.

What am I going to make assumptions and prophecies about, then?

I'm honestly depressed now. Yes, about a TV show. You wouldn't know if you haven't been watching something for 4 and a half years. I know, it's sad, and almost pathetic. But what can I say, I get attached to masterful storytelling and it's characters.

My list of story heroes only consisted of Edmond Dantes from The Count of Monte Cristo till now. But I've added Michael Schofield.

On a side note, please acknowledge that this post is not lame at all. Thank you.

May 4, 2009

Faith.

When I was a curious young lad, of around 4 or 5 years, I remember of a time when my ticking brain grew curious about God.

After hearing God's argument and his side of the story, growing up in a Muslim household, I had more questions than answers.

So I asked the person that apparently knew everything there was to know. My faithful and ever so wise - Mum.

If God truly does exist, why can't we see him? Million dollar question, coming from a child, my mother definitely needed to think a while, for a a valid response that would shun such questions in the future in my head, before they ever reached my tongue.

So after "We can't see everything, and everything that exists can't be seen," she gave up and decided to answer with a different approach, and to the best of her capabilities, she did.

She told me God was light. And what was light to a child? To me, apparently, Electricity was. In my mind, I had found God - he was in all the light bulbs and he was what enabled us to see in the dark, even though the meaning in my head at that time was purely literal.

But we must find out for ourselves, and no question is truly answered if we don't have an answer of our own. And therefore, I decided to 'test God.' To really see for myself, I decided to threaten the entity. Electricity, light - Light bulbs.

I argued, I told her I don't believe her, and to truly believe, I must find out for myself.

So I went ahead and touched a scorching light bulb.

And just how everything must have a beginning, there was my beginning to Faith.

The burning sensation on my hand, surely I had witnessed God's spite. I had found out, I had witnessed, my very first question pointed at faith had been answered.

"Now I must ask more," I must've said in my head.

Is it not proof, that all things begin at the bottom? For now the questions I ask are different and elaborate. They've evolved.

"Is it proof that God doesn't exist, or is it proof that the Devil does?"

Cheers to everyone that, like me, is still willing and trying to find out.

For no question is truly answered if we don't have an answer of our own.

May 3, 2009

Blindfolds - The ramblings of a mad man.

"You're a respected man," he said. "Keep it that way."

Something someone said to me, that I haven't been able to shake off.

It's funny then. What about self-respect, and what if I don't 'keep it that way' regarding that?

There's a funny way of hating everything else, but loving yourself. I'm at an extreme loss of words, and I feel helpless. I want to, I need to write. Something, to take all this off my mind.

The gift of writing, someone recently said, I have a way with words. I can sell ice to an eskimo, I said.

When guilt and depression kick in, who do you blame? For you had no choice, you were held in a gilded cage. By yourself.

But then you broke free of it, and you're free to spread your wings. But with the wind blowing in the other way, probably because you cursed not being free once.

For it being too good to be true, now you wish you went back inside. But it's broken, and there's no way. And you're outside, but lost, still not having your way. You're traveling, yes, going places; but on a track, not your own.

Is there really a freedom, a choice of free will? Is it really about being clever, and not being held against your will? Is it? Or can two and two work together, can you take risks for yourself? And not be shunned by labels, by ghosts of broken dreams past. Of broken wishes, of jealous winds, and bars of status quo.

Where's the Shangri-La. Isn't fiction man made too? Then if we're meant to travel on the path that we're on, where exactly is our freedom, and where do we stand? Do we have a voice for our objections, or are all objections overruled; by you, slave of the system, by them; slaves of the rule.

Not by choice, not by will; by what was asked at birth. Set free at birth, to be thrown inside a bigger womb. Where spreading our arms is as easy as blinking, but spreading our thoughts is a sin committed against God.

I ask you, the slaves, questions directed at the wrong wall. The wall I'm looking for is mightier, not any man made foolish wisdom.

For you learned from the fool before you, and a fool is teaching to me. The world is, our teacher, is it not? But teaches us idioticy that has been passed, from your master to mine, and me to my student.

Let's not label, let's not objectify. Let's just tighten the blindfolds, and walk closer to the edge. Lose balance, we already have - the only thing left to lose is this being. Self, is already gone, now only the accompanying limbs and bones wish to evolve.

Evolve as if evolution is true. Think as if thinking makes us stronger. Create larger walls, hate even more; but where does that put us? Let's just indulge deeper into the maze that's been created, let's just row boats for the evil we've elected.

Succumb to sin, we all do, yet hush our thoughts before they reach our mouths.
Shouldn't think that way, God forbid we say it out loud. But no one's watching our thoughts, thank God, let's just keep it in our skull. Shhhh.

For he did it, and everyone knows, let's shun him, and feel a bit better. About ourselves, God help us, who else is there, Holy enough, to feel anything for?

You've wronged, and I am perfect, for I follow the light. No asking questions, not checking to see if it's true, this blindfold shall remain on. I'm not making the mistake of taking it off, but you go ahead; tell me what's on the other side.

And when the light turns you blind, for you made the mistake; be sure to let me know. I wouldn't want to be caught catching a peek - I'm too good for that. Too good for anything. I'm too good to be true.

And slavery will never end, not for you, not for me. For there lives a slave inside of you, and we're all aware it's true.
But no one dare try to set it free, or even ask why it's there. We've lived on for a million years with it, why fight the current and risk being washed away?

Let's all just close our eyes, and tighten the blindfold instead.

It's a lot easier that way.