Benefits, and the Doubts.

Life is suddenly very depressing. For the moment only, I know that much. But it still is. I can't quite put my finger on it either.

Maybe it's just a moodswing that I'm have, thanks to Bipolar Disorder. Or maybe it's because I'm still getting used to being so far away from the life that I was used to and was living for, well, all of it till now. It is NOT easy to change lifestyles like I have. Really. Specially when the place you're moving to is Completely different than the place you came from. And quite literally on the other side of the world.

But I'm coping, I guess. I opted to, didn't I? Or have now, anyway. It's weird really. When I get thoughts like "What was I thinking?!", because almost instantly I remember my pledge to 'never regret a thing'. It's hard, contradicting yourself, having an arguement inside your head. It's like Stephen King said in this novel of his I've been reading, called Cell. The protagonist refers to times like these, as the times where the rat that's held inside the cage in his head gets free and starts nibbling at things. And he wants not that rat to get out of the cage. And In that light I guess, I'm trying to keep my rat in it's cage too. And God, do I hate rats. Metaphoric and real, alike.

I have taken care of all my problems concerning college. Gotten my schedule, and my classes straight. Taken care of the money I had to pay the bloodsuckers, and am content when it comes to that. But as soon as a window closes, a door opens, isn't it? And it's ironic that preachers and priests use that line so many times, but no one wonders or asks what those doors and windows really signify. Maybe new opportunities and a new sense of optimism, sure, but what stops those doors and windows to just, participate in the hectic cycle of life? I believe everyone goes through the same difficulties, takes the same tests everyone else takes in life. They're just under different cicrumstances, and you can't really see unless you stop looking at the many obstacles involved, and focus on the bigger picture; We are living an exam. Yes, college students around the world, we really are. Pity.

I was coming out of a building in college today for a cigarette, and this man talking on a bluetooth headset came out right behind me and said Assalam Aliaikum. I said Wallaikum Assalam and continued walking, reaching in my pockets for the pack of Marlboro Lights. The man, in his mid thirties probably, hadn't shaved for a few days apparently, and wore moderate clothes. African-American, and Muslim, apparently. He quickly caught my attention, asking me if I was muslim. I said, yeah, I was. He grabbed my hand, introduced himself, and started asking for mine. I told him my name, and guess what? As soon as I did, he started his story. Telling me about how his car broke down, something about the police, a Muslim foundation nearby, and his pregnant wife. In between were chunks of Allah - Praising. And at the end of his monlogue? Money asking. And I swear, I felt like I was hypnotized. I just couldn't do anything. Maybe it was a mind trick he played on me, maybe my hands were held (or actually not so much) because they reached for my wallet without my complete consent. I couldn't do anything. I opened my wallet and handed him 20 dollars. I didn't want to, five minutes later, I'm being honest. But I did it, the minute he said I should. I should because he's a muslim in need. And I should in the name of God. But I don't really think that's the only reason I did what I did. Hell, to be completely honest, I don't even think It was me who pulled that 20 dollar bill out and handed it to a complete stranger. He actually jumped with joy, praising the skies, thanking me only once, but thanking the All Mighty a million times, walking off and fading in the horizon. After I watched him go, I looked up to the sky and a voice in my head said : You better be looking.

Then came the cigarette, and the wondering why that man Really needed the money. I wish for my sake, and more for his actually, that his story Was actually true. Even if I didn't even hear much of it. And I hoped, that because I gave away money when I had enough to spend, that when I run out of it, I wouldn't have to go through what this man was going through. No matter what it was. Because he wouldn't really be asking for money if he had any, no matter what he needs it for. i jus t never want to be in that position.

Was that man lying? Was he jumping for joy over the thought of how much crack or marijuana he could buy now? Or did he really need that money for whatever reasons he gave while I was trying to figure out how long it would take for him to leave me smoke in peace? I will never find out. And neither will you people, will you? Congratulations, you've been involuntarily entered in this riddle I came across.

How do you know that all this actually did happen? We just have to grant the benefit of the doubt sometimes, don't we. And that is how, I think, we all minimize - or ignore- acknowledging that we live through so many lies ... I don't lie though. Because the punishment for lying, isn't hell. Not until we witness afterlife anyway. In this life? The punishment you get for lying, is simple. Simple enough for one quote to explain it; "A thief thinks the whole world steals."
And I'm just not too big on stealing.

When there's nothing left to do...

I've accomplished all primary objectives, and I have nothing to do at all until some more decide to come out of the wood-work, as they have so far.

It's 7 in the morning, I haven't slept yet, and I was going through all the pictures from back home, Riyadh, and also the pictures I took in Pakistan.

I miss all the bastards back home! Hint; I do rly wish they would call. Considering how it's the weekend and all calls are free. For me, at least.

I tried putting up my artwork for sale on deviantart.com and to my disappointment, the artist only gets a minimum share on any sale. Weird, I know. And I can't rly expect anyone to buy things that I've made, to begin with, let alone get a whole dollar for them. A whole dollar! Woopsie do! That too if they give Deviantart 60 dollars, minus shipping. Aah, just my luck, the Corporate has shot me down once again.

But, love will find a way. My love for money, that is. I shall try my luck elsewhere!

More on that when (and if) it happens. Fingers crossed.

Beyonce's rant about putting a ring on things you like is stuck in my head, unfortunately. But luckily, it's accompanied by these very fine african-american ladies, dancing to the tune, which I got to witness in the Mall with my friend Adeel.

They rly work hard, I must say, getting all the dance steps right, just like Beyonce. And they're not bad to look at, either. Wow.

I'm not being Racist, I would say the same about all the other ''fine'' ladies of other ethincities, here in America. It's true, my theory ; only 20% of America is as good looking (unlike the media's portrayal), and that 20% is the all the people you get to see on TV. Other than that? Well, there's a reason not everyone gets to be on TV, right?

"If you like it, then you should've put a ring on it", sings Beyonce. And therefore, I wonder where I'm going to find that many rings. Maybe order in bulk, or something, and get them cheap.

Hectic is an understatement.

This is probably going to be the first time that I actually blog on Paper first, and then publish it on the internet whenever I get the chance. Because I have no internet connection, remember?

I'm sitting outside my college's library (which I'm sure is my college now, but I wasn't too sure about an hour ago), and I feel much better now than I did, about an hour ago.
Remember my last post where I described my problem with registering for classes and getting a bank account? If not;

[ Apart from that, I haven't have been able to even get a bank account, and check this out; I need a Bank Account, so my Dad can send me money to register for classes, right? And for a Bank Account, I need a legit College ID. And how do I get a college ID? I can't unless I register for classes... I know, right? ]

And, not being able to come around that problem, I had to ask my dad to send me 6500 Dollars, through Western Union. Running with scissors, and micro-waving aluminium was next on my list. And that too, on the day that I had to actually Pay my complete semester fee in cold hearted Cash. Today!!!

So, I got up at around 12 (mind you, I couldn't sleep all night due to anxiety and got shut eye at about 5 in the morning). I got out of bed, and was brushing my teeth, when I get a call from my Dad, telling me he could only send 5000 dollars, that too through connections, due to laws in Saudi Arabia, preventing Pakistanis to send more than a 1000 dollars And preventing Sudi Nationals to send more than 5000.

So I said OK, maybe I'l lthink of something else and without even having breakfast, stopmed out for a Western Union. And I've slapped myself for deciding to go to the Western Union branch that was actually open in a supermarket. With a man at the front desk, who was most definately having mid-age crisis, graying hair, probably a dry streak in bed, and a very low IQ level.

Imagine my delight, when the dumbass at the counter informs me I'm going to need my passport (which I had) AND ANOTHER ID to get ANY money at all. That too, after he told me they wouldn't have the amount of 5000$ in cash. And get this. He wanted to give me some money first? The amount that I could, without any other ID? BUT, Then the brain-washing thanks to George W. Bush and traditional human stupidity kicked in, and he probably assumed I was going to fund a terrorist organization or something. So he didn't. He completely ignored the fact that he said he could give me 500 dollars a minute ago, and said "Sorry, I can't do anything anymore". And I swear, I think I only imagined it, but I could see a sweat drop behind his left eyebrow and a twitching-stuttering feeling in his speech and movement. I told him, I need to pay my damn college fee today! TODAY you ASSWIPE. But I also assume he doesn't know how a college works. Or what it is, for that matter.

Right then, the three bold letters, in caps all of them, going through my head were : WTF?!? (including those exclamation and question marks)

So I said, OK, fine (again) and walked out tearing up the WUnion form I had filled in (you should've seen it, it was so melodramatic, even the world melodramatic doesn't being to describe it) and decided that the best thing to do now would to take a leap of faith, and try to reason with the college authorities. How bad would it be? I just had no money for college tuition. And I needed to register in 2 hours. That's it, right? No biggie, right?

I made way to the college, hours before I was scheduled to, and met the International Students Advisor that I couldn't meet with even once, the numerous times I had actually been to the college the past month!

And Thank God, for her. As I sit outside the library right now, she has put my fee. on a hold for another week (and even apologized for all the trouble I had to go through), I'm going to go register for classes in about half an hour, come back tomorrow and get my ID made, open up a bank account, retrieve the 5000 dollars from the Western Union, and celebrate victory.

To sum up my feelings when I got so many bad news at once; Misery and Frustration.

To sum up all that I had that kept me going to achieve content; Just a little hope.

UPDATE: I write this part of this post, later that night as I am about to hit bed (because I had to copy the blog post from paper to my laptop) and I'm adding this update for some even better news: I SCORED THE HIGHEST ON MY PLACEMENT TEST. THEY JUMPED ME STRAIGHT TO BEING A REGULAR COLLEGE STUDENT, INSTEAD OF AN ESL STUDENT LIKE THE OTHER 20+ STUDENTS THAT TOOK THE TEST WITH ME. EVEN THE AUTHORITIES DIDN'T BELIEVE IT AT FIRST! YAY!!! AND JUST ME, TOO, EVERYONE ELSE HAD TO SIT THROUGH AN ORIENTATION WHILE I ACTUALLY MET WITH A SEPERATE COUNSELLOR 30 MINUTES BEFORE ANYONE ELSE GOT TO =D.
Oh, and I met some people after the registration was done? A pakistani chick, who's been living here for 4 years, and this other dude that's also a non-native student, and they were both amazed that I actually spoke English, because I was pakistani. And so good at that, that I actually got directly to English 101 while everyone else had to take starter courses. Even before English 101. Starter with a capital S. The pakistani girl, her mouth literally turned into the shape of the letter O when I told her I'm from Pakistan and got into America a week or two ago. Literally. The questions I got after droping that surprise on them? "How is your accent american, and how did you score so much better??"

Low expectations from Pakistanis much, or just stupid Pakistanis not rly setting the bar any high anywhere in the world?

I think the latter, and then the former as a reaction to the very stupid action. But then again, I don't think we even have a bar to begin with, placing it anywhere is just outlandish then.

- Danish

The Good Things In Life?

Life is an adventure. So, I've experienced living completely alone, in a relatively-unknown place, for more than a week.

Something I am liking about this lifestyle? You really can't be too sure what's going to happen next. There are no plans, except immediate ones. And I never really know what to expect. So yay.

Something I don't like? I haven't had a proper social interaction with another human being in more than a week. Which is kinda depressing, to be honest.

Here are some of the things I have to go through!
I had a rat infestation in the apartment. Three rats, to be exact. Two, have been missing for the past few days (hope I don't jinx that) and one of them I had to literally throw out. How did I manage that? Well, the sneaky bastards were smart. I would leave bread or any other edible substance, stuck to the mouse trap, but they would manage to eat it and the trap wouldn't even go off. I found this other trap, which was nearly impossible to set, and went off on my hand around 5 times, and when I found it the other day, it had actually gone off, but the piece of bread was missing and so was any carcass of a dead mouse.

But then, came a stroke of good luck. I cleaned out the waste baskets, and set a new trash bag. And what the mice would do, they would climb inside, devour any left over food they could get their filthy hands (or whatever it is mice have) and then climb back out due to the lots of trash in the bin. But, that day, there were only a few crumbs of pizza crust. And therefore no leverage to climb out. I walk into the kitchen, lights closed and all, at 2 or 3 in the morning, and I hear a mouse moving around in the waste basket. My first idea was to grab a broom and kill the bastard as soon as it came out of the bin. But to my surprise, he actually couldn't! So I just wrapped up the top of the trash bag and chucked it out of the door, into the cruel, cold night, hoping for the bastard's demise. Which it might've come. Or, it might have sneaked into someone else's house, but bottom line, I got rid of my problem.

Second problem that I have been having; stupid American telecom companies actually charge for wireless service on your cell phone, even if you are just attending the call and are at the recieving end. Your so-called talk-time minutes run out, even if you're on the phone against your will. Corporate cruelty, I say. So I have been running on just 30 minutes for the past week. How do I manage? Well, Saturdays and Sundays are Free as well as anytime after 9PM and before 6AM. But come on, what if I have to make calls at other times?

I don't have a social security number or a STATE ID, with which I could get my own postpaid plan, because all offices have been shut due to the never-ending december-jan holiday session.
Apart from that, I haven't have been able to even get a bank account, and check this out; I need a Bank Account, so my Dad can send me money to register for classes, right? And for a Bank Account, I need a legit College ID. And how do I get a college ID? I can't unless I register for classes... I know, right?

Also, my friend has been running internet by these mysterious wireless signals that crossed paths with the apartment. But for the past 4 days, that mysterious Wi-Fi provider has been missing in action. Literally, missing. Completely off the radar. However, I do get signals if I sit outside the apartment window, on the sheltering roof of the people living below us, in the very, very cold.

And just how cold is it, you ask? Freezing. And I'm not just being melodramatic or cliche'. My first few days here? I actually saw ice a thin layer of Ice around the sewers.
In fact, if I leave a glass of water outside my window? I'm willing to bet I can have ice in a few hours.

So how do I use the fine technology we have come to accept, called the internet? The blessing, known as a free public library. Thank God for these. I can't believe a mayor, or some other big-wig here in Philly, actually wanted to cut fundings for public libraries! Insanity, I tell you.
I'm surviving on microwavable, frozen dinners, and expensive Chinese and Italian take-outs. Oh, and Coldplay. And the news anchor on Fox 29's news at 11 isn't bad either. Keri something something.

I have fallen in love with Eva Mendes though, so be shush about Keri, everyone. Ever since I saw The Spirit on the big screen that is.

One thing I loved though, how my street became so lively as soon as clocks struck 12 on New Year's Eve. I even went out on the roof I was talking about, a pan and big spoon in hand, striking it in harmony and yelling out "Happy New Year".

The good things in life are, actually, free. Except for an Eva Mendes or a Laptop, though.