Claustrophobia ...

I've always hated claustrophobia. The fear of being trapped.

Always. Even as a child. I extremely hated it. If I had a gun, and no wisdom at all, I'd have shot myself when I was 10.

I remember getting stuck in my shirt. I remember it like yesterday; I couldn't breath at all, and got the sensation of drowning ... until my dad had to tear the shirt up to get me out.

I was alive again. For a few seconds there, I had felt like death was creeping from the shadows to shake hands with me ...

And somehow that feeling has stayed with me like a stamp on my forehead or a barcode on the back of my neck.

They say most of the shit you go through in childhood reflects in your life later.

I've grown so paranoid' of the feeling, I lose control. I'm a loose cannon, and my judgement has been shot in the head.

And everything around me bleeds when I erupt.

If you push something or someone really hard in a corner, and there's no way to come out, you end up recieving the same amount of force. If you push something until there's no place to go, it'll just push back.

There's a limit to everything. Yield Point.

The feeling of, not being in control. The feeling of being lost ... The feeling of losing it.

The feeling of no sense of direction. The feeling of ... being a puppet.

Just makes me wish I had a gun and no wisdom at all ... makes me wish I was never 10 ...