Jul 27, 2009

Letter to God.

I don't ask for much. Just a little understanding.

Just a little idea, of what I'm going through, constantly, too. Just a little realization of what goes on in my head, and what I've been living like.

Just a little realization, that I am actually very lonely on the inside, I just don't like to show it.

A little actualization, of what I do, and why I do it. Just someone that can actually understand my actions, without me having to justify them. Realize that I don't want to hurt people, or do anything wrong, and that I don't.

I just hate being misunderstood. And it's ironic it happens ever so often.

I just hate having to talk about my feelings. I wish people could read my mind instead.

I just hate being lonely.

But I'm sure now, more than ever, that I'm going to die a very lonely man. That's just how it's meant to/going to happen. Watch...

Thank you, though. At least I give people something to talk about.

If I could fly, I'd wander off so far from everyone and everything. It's the absence of light, that makes people realize how much they hate the darkness. Maybe that would work.

Or maybe not. I don't know.

I wonder what's at the other end of the tunnel. I don't believe in heaven and hell anymore, maybe it's just the end of existence. And that scares me. Having no thoughts, no soul. It scares me.

Makes me wonder why we're bothering .. why we're ... I don't know .. and it doesn't really matter.

If I weren't this cynical, I wouldn't have 9 followers.

If I'm not sad all the time with my blogging persona, no one would come and read.

And if I don't wear a happy mask in real life, no one would bother with me.

I'm stuck in between death and purgatory.

And it's sad.

8 comments:

Crashing Paper Planes said...

Amazing how these were exactly the same emotions I was going through a few weeks ago.
I wish I could help you-- and I want to, but I know that no one can help anyone but the person itself.
I don't know what happened to me-- I just let go of the pain. I let go of the depression. It's like an epiphany, you know?
But for starters, try The Secret and Paulo Coelho By The River Piedra.

Daanish said...

I've read the Secret, but I think better of the book "The Seven Spiritual Laws of Success" by Deepak Chopra. Same concept, but without all the merchandising and product promotion in between.

And I bet you mean The River Piedra, by Paulo Colho =p

I didn't read that, or the Alchemist, but I read Like The Flowing River, and I even wrote him an email thanking him, and what not.

And he actually replied =D I put it up on facebook and stuff ..

Crashing Paper Planes said...

You know me way too well, already :P

It was Piedra :P
Oh wait-- I mentioned the name, you probably didn't read :P khakha.

Anyway, I shall check that out too if I ever need to.

Sam said...

I always read your mind bitch =P

Jedi Powers FTW!

Sam said...

oh and ofcourse your gonna die a very lonely man, we all are.

Ofcourse ill die with a'68 GTO by my side.

And youll die with a red lancer.

And Wijdan with a black hatchback.

Shadow said...

Maybe all of us can relate to that some way or the other...

''I just hate having to talk about my feelings. I wish people could read my mind instead.''

Sigh...lol.

(Shadow) said...

Hmm...do we all really need someone, to not feel lonely? Do you think that the feeling of lonliness can be overcome, with just our own help?
Umm...I'd like to know...lol.
All that never bothered me before...but I didn't even realise when suddenly I developed into this emotionally crippled person,who without someone to lean on would literally crumble under this, this non-existent but overwhelming weight, bringing me down? It is somewhat degrading...*sigh*
I don't want to feel so dependant on anyone, but myself.

Ummm...I feel stupid! Lol.

Shadow said...

Yeah, it is sad.

But I like this part...

'' If I could fly, I'd wander off so far from everyone and everything. It's the absence of light, that makes people realize how much they hate the darkness. Maybe that would work. ''


Lol!
Is that an example of Grandiosity? (Is that even the word you talked about? lol)

But it's cute.

I hope my comments aren't annoying. ^_^