Have you seen me?

It’s kinda sad how I always turn to blogger or twitter when I’m stressed out or depressed.

Something about people always missing at the right time.

Always.

withdrawal

I wish I knew any better. I wish I thought about the consequences. I wish I carried out actions after thinking about the outcomes.

But I don’t. Fortunately, or unfortunately.

But you drive me up the wall, so well. It can’t be helped.

So, pissed, off. It’s, insane.

Maybe it’s the withdrawal. Maybe it’s just me.

Changes

Why send out subtle hints, and subliminal messages? And encode everything you really want to say, in between other words. And go around in circle. And waste time.

And not go all out. With everything.

Why do you insist on playing mind games? Not that I mind. But it's getting tiring. And I'm tired of running around in circles, I really am.

Because that's all I've been doing for so long, and I could use some slowing down, or walking without getting lost. That's all walking around in circles has done for me.

I get lost, but I try finding my way. It never works, because you insist we do this. Each and every time - it happens too often.

Just meant to be isn't it. Because everything happens for a reason, right? And only good things always happen.

But they don't. And if they do, explain what good is. Because if this is good, I'd much rather accept bad. Because it's all a riddle, good and bad.

-sigh- ... Life used to be much easier. With tall green fields of grass, and windmills complimenting the blowing wind. Dandelions, and puffy white clouds, against a light blue sky. With things making sense, with people being what I wanted them to be in my head.

Everything has changed. Absolutely nothing's changed.

All pleasure, no business.

It's all pleasure, no business. If that will calm most people's nerves.

I don't really even give a wooden nickel about the issue at hand, most of the times. It's just for the sake of a petty argument between humans. The thought just tempts me so much, I love poking a few people - and then stepping back to watch them go. It's hilarious.

The more controversial it is, the more it acts like a catalyst for the whole thing to blow up sky high. Ya'll should try it some day. Works like a charm, each and every time.

It’s a different high.

Nicotine Withdrawal.

I shit you not.

So jaded – my idea of what I want and how I shouldn’t want it. Only because I’ll end up getting it. So, instead of feeling guilty after getting it, I feel guilty for even wanting it. Because wanting for me – is ultimately getting.

Not that it’s ok, or a good thing – just saying.

Bite my nails because of how crazy it’s all gotten.

I’m liking not having things to run to.

Being back home, it’s all so peaceful, so calm, so easy …

I had almost forgotten how nice this all was. The comforts of home, and what not.

I wish it could stay this way.

Mine to keep.

The next time you’re pissed off, ask yourself. Who are you pissed off at?

I could’ve asked you the same, but I didn’t. I could’ve told you what I thought of You, too, but I didn’t. Because you proved yourself a hypocrite trying to prove me one. And it was a wonderful and joyous sight.

But I can’t blame you, now, can I. It wasn’t your fault.

Of course not. All the fault, and the blame – all mine to keep.

Figments of my imagination.

“I like that quote,” she said, pointing to a James Dean poster.

And I told her how I love, that people love such cliche’ things. And that mankind is pretty much doomed, if people need posters that say such cliche’ things, to feel better about life.

She said she’s ‘’high on life.” I couldn’t help but disagree.

I said, really? No you’re not. And if are, then it must be a really depressing high.

Life used to be much easier before I started figuring things out.

The happy have the advantage of stupidity.
It’s the knowing that’s driving me insane.

Knowing how predictable, selfish, and …

No … I need to stir things up a little. The shit needs to hit the fan.

This is no more fun. Something insane must always happen.

Life shouldn’t be this easy. I need mental trauma.

And all your drama.

And everything needs to go wrong.

And everyone needs to stab each other in the back.

And our backs should hurt our knives.

Otherwise, we don’t have anything to go on for.

We need more wars. And more natural disasters.

Otherwise, life is just a stroll in the park.

I’m not a pessimist. I’m not narcissistic. And I’m not sexist. I’m just realistic.

“That’s a smart way of saying, you’re a little pessimistic, a little narcissistic, and a little sexist – but it’s fine,” she said.

And if only she was real. Then maybe all of this would’ve been easier.

If only I was real, maybe yours would be too.

We’re all figments of our own imaginations. Because the world is what you turn it into.

Too bad none of it is real.

Leaving God’s house.

It’s 5 in the morning and I just woke up from a weird dream.

I dreamt that I was in a small church, out of nowhere. And not a church, but a small room that was made into a church.

I remember seeing someone wearing a black beanie/hat thing. I think it might’ve been me.

So, after realizing where I was, the house of God, or whatever, I think to myself; “This can’t be right, I’m at the wrong place,” and start to leave.

But this old man, although I don’t remember seeing him in the dream, stops me and says something similar to; “You really shouldn’t leave.”

That’s when I woke up. Trippy, huh?

51 and The Ace of Spades.

Shuffling a deck of cards, a card aimlessly plopped out from the middle of the deck, and fell face up.

It didn’t surprise or scare me though, it was the Ace of Spades.

I picked it up and pushed it back in the middle of the deck.

At the end of the day, the cards all belong in the same deck. Somewhere in the middle, most of them.

Someday I’ll put the Ace of Spades up on a wall somewhere, for the world to come and see.

But not right now. Right now, the rest of the deck needs the Ace of Spades.

If you say so, love.

I’ve spoken about being self sabotaging, a lot.

Also, of being careless, and irresponsible.

I let everyone know just how guile I am. Just how two faced, and reckless.

A proper dosage, really.

I say it out loud, I try expressing it to the best I can.

Like sand. I’ve written it about it numerous times. So that it won’t go away, and be there always.

About not knowing what I want, but wanting everything – so I can take my pick.

Agnostic. On the bench. About most things. Or everything, if you say so.

I’m getting predictable, say the masses. And why wouldn’t I, when you put your eyes on me and refuse to look the other way.

Why wouldn’t I, when I want just that?

It’s like leading this nation. This nation of people, this pool of humans. You, and everyone else I can manage to. But not to lead, but to learn something from. And I do, I really do.

It’s you, that has taught me everything I know. All of it. So I try giving it back somehow, to the best I can. But it never works in the favor of the messenger.

I try to prove, to the best I can, how messed up humans really are. How messed up the human mind really is.

But if only things worked that way, yeah?

But if only you were any different, yeah?

But if only I knew any better, yeah?

But if only I really was who you expect me to be, yeah?

If only you didn’t put me in a chair so high, that I couldn’t help but fall off of it… yeah?

And fall so deep each time, that I wouldn’t want to climb back up … yeah.

If only my mind was in the right place. And not all over the place.

If there wasn’t so much to learn from everything. From all of this.

If only you could keep me in your palm, I would love to have sat right there – and wouldn’t ever even contemplate moving.

Does that make you wonder if I will?

Why are you so predictable, world?

Why are you so cold, harsh, and similar to each other?

I have a feeling, my search will continue. And continue. And continue.

Forever perhaps.

Until the world is colder. Darker. Lonelier.

And until this ends.

Till death do us part, perhaps.

The only thing that set you apart. The others all left.

See the similarity yet? The predictability yet?

Things will happen if they’re meant to happen.

If you say so, love.

You know my name…

You may think you’ve won, but you never saw me change – the game that we, have been playing.

I’ve seen angels fall from blinding heights.

And you yourself are nothing so divine. Just next in line.

Arm yourself because no one else here will save you.

The odds will betray you,
And I will replace you.

The coldest blood, runs through my veins.

You know who you are, and you know my name.

Hello, me, meet the real me.

Took this quiz. The result is so accurate, it’s creepy.

Look at last two traits. That’s as accurate as it can get.

“Risk taker, easy going, outgoing, social, open, rule breaker, thrill seeker, life of the party, comfortable in unfamiliar situations, appreciates strangeness, disorganized, adventurous, talented at presentation, aggressive, attention seeking, experience junky, insensitive, adaptable, not easily offended, messy, carefree, dangerous, fearless, careless, emotionally stable, spontaneous, improviser, always joking, player, wild and crazy, dominant, acts without thinking, not into organized religion, pro-weed legalization.”

I would put up the whole thing, but it gets too detailed. And I wouldn’t want you just figuring me out like that, would I?

Sorry.

No apparent reason.

Nothing beats waking up in the morning, and not wanting to get out of bed.

Because you realize what you’re going to step into, once you step out of bed.

Asking yourself if there is a point. Hoping the night could’ve gone on for longer. Hoping the sun would’ve waited.

But it doesn’t. And it never will.

Nothing beats staring at yourself in the mirror after crawling out of bed.

With a cigarette in your hand, and the smoke over shadowing your reflection.

Fighting fire with fire. The one inside you, and the one between your fingers.

Nothing beats staring into your own eyes, and not liking what you see.

Like looking into yourself, and not finding what you’re really looking for.

For searching, but not knowing what it is you expect to find.

Floating in nothingness, and for no apparent reason.

No apparent reason.

Agony.

My poetic sweetheart and the truth.

dibelleva: you think you being depressed is only depressing to you?
dquicksilvera: well, about that…
dquicksilvera: it wouldn't depress other people if they didn't want to be
dibelleva: they probably don’t want to be happy without you
dquicksilvera: that was poetic
dibelleva: truth

All Apologies.

I tried.

I really did. I tried making you happy, and you told me it worked. I tried wiping all your tears away, and bidding your sorrows goodbye. And you told me it worked.

I tried giving you everything you asked for, and whenever you asked for it. And you told me it worked.

So then I asked you for what I wanted. And you told me it wouldn’t work.

So I went out and did everything I possibly could, and more. Things deemed impossible. So that it would work.

But you told me it still wouldn’t.

I didn’t give up. I don’t ever give up. But there’s a limit. I’m only going to do so much, before my attention diverts. Until I deviate.

Because you weren’t the only one asking for it. Even if you would really like to think you were. There are others. Perhaps more deserving, because they don’t ask for so much. And they give back in return.

I don’t want your selfishness anymore. I’m sorry. It may hurt to realize this, but it’s true. You don’t know what you are looking for yourself. You just made me run around in circles for no apparent reason at all. And I’m sorry. I’m not destined to walk around in circles to not get anywhere. My journey is a straight path to the top. To the skies. Not around in circles to nowhere.

No one can do it any better. No one at all. I’m the only person that could make all your dreams come true. It’s true, and deep down inside, you probably know it.

No one else dares think of the impossible. And I don’t believe in the impossible.

People look up to the sky, hoping to count all the stars. I look up to the sky, hoping to one day shine brighter than them. Because their number doesn’t daze me. And you knew that.

It’s unfortunate you decided not to do anything about it. And realize, that this isn’t my fault, or my doing. You should’ve known this would happen. Like sand. I tried explaining. You just wouldn’t listen. Or would shrug it off, thinking you could hold on to me forever. But you can’t. Nothing ever can, or will.

The only way I would ever stay, is if you made me want to. But you didn’t. You only wanted me to stay, because that’s what you wanted.

What about what I wanted?

I hope you have what you wanted. It sure seems that way.

And I hope you’re happy. And know that I’m alive.

You just proved me right once again. How selfish people are, it’s true.

And therefore, I live life by just one simple rule. Which could perhaps explain why I do what I do.

I’m never going to need anyone. Everyone else whoever, will always need me.

You know who you are. And you know my name.

- Quicksilver.

Sleepyhead.

Moving on down my street
I see people I won't ever meet

And I cannot remember
What life was like through photographs
Trying to recreate images life gives us from our past

I was walking down the street, in the middle of the city, at 4 in the morning. With music blaring straight into my head. And no one in sight. The wind blowing against my hair, and when it stopped – strands would fall either back to their position, or in a completely new one.

Intoxicated by miss Mary Jane and a few pints, I was free of care. Ataraxic. Free from worry. All thoughts were clear. They were all in the present.

Having that isolation, but still understanding ego and I. Having that vivid perspective and perception of self. Like a close up head shot, in a group of pictures. But the only one in color.

So your attention is all focused on it, instead of the bits and pieces. The universe. God.

I’ve done a lot of thinking about myself. About who I am as a person. About where my life is headed and why, and I’ve realized something that may be miniscule but still very important to realize.

I’m not doing this for myself. None of it is, really, if you look at the broad picture. And therefore, I do not care so much about it. I’m doing it for a cause that is not greater, or less than, but just different. And therefore responsibility has a different label and idea.

Life is abstract. It has no dimensions. Dimensions are vivid and surreal, but limiting. There is no limit.

It is vast. Like the sky. The sky is life. And I’m skydiving right now. And I don’t ever want to hit land.

You thought you might be a ghost.
You didn’t get to heaven but you made it close.

I like tapping my fingers really gently on the keyboard. I like the sound it makes.

Two really weird things just happened.

One of them is the following:

I’ve been getting calls from a ‘restricted’ number since the last two days. Someone calls, I don’t get to see what the number is, and after I pick up, they don’t say anything or hang up. And it’s been happening for 2 days. And almost non stop. 15 times in a row, at once. Someone obviously has a lot of time on their hands.

It just happened a while ago. And it’s almost 5 in the morning. I picked up, and no one said anything on the other side. So I hung up. I’m talking to Belal after that, when we hear his phone ring, and it’s a ‘restricted number’ too. But unfortunately, he doesn’t pick up.

Fortunately though, it rings again, and it’s a restricted number again. He picks up, and no one answers on the other side.

So yeah, I’m not freaking out. It would be stupid to. Because this isn’t a teenage, slasher movie. We don’t have a black friend here, we’re all brown skinned, how would the serial killer know what sequence to kill people in? And which one would he save? And our skin colors aren’t light enough for one of us to be the serial killer either. We’re not THAT crazy either.

Laugh out loud.

I’m going to stop trying to write, it’s probably not working as I would hope it does. –sigh …

… being intoxicated, I wonder – what’s it worth? But then again, what is anything?

“It’s so hard to find you. Even when you’re close.”

This is sweet.

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<3

The one about time.

I’m sitting at the edge of my bed. My laptop in my lap, and face book live updates in front of my eyes.

I’m running my bony fingers through the length of my gravity defying anime hair. I can’t remember the last time I got my mum to do that for me, and I miss it.

Thinking about another 13 hour flight was making me cringe last night. But waking up today in the morning thinking about it – if it’s 13 hours just to go back home, it’s probably worth it.

I think I saw a couple of more dreams. I don’t remember them anymore. I rarely do.

Listening to Hush by Deep Purple.

I just felt like it’d been a while since I wrote. I don’t really know how long it’s been, my last blog post probably isn’t that old. My sense of time is pretty shaken.

And if not shaken, just so different than your sense of time.

Time being just an illusion, I think I’m going to start ignoring it completely. And if not completely, to the extent at least, that I don’t remember when certain events took place. Or how long ago. Or for how long. But it’s ok, the flow of time might just be subjective too.

It’s one of the many things the human mind controls, but we don’t realize it. Which is sad, really.

It’s been a year that I’ve been in Philadelphia. I can remember like yesterday.

I went to the subway near CCP after a really long time, yesterday. I remember going there when I first started going to CCP. I remember going through that solution-less loop, and being worried and tensed. I remember getting lost, on my way to CCP, like 6 times. I remember getting lost inside the CCP building itself.

I remember not knowing where things were, near the apartment. I remember having to use Google maps, and then writing directions down. I remember still getting lost.

I remember being all alone for a month. My first month here. Inside an apartment, with no internet, and no friends. With nothing.

The ability to control time, or at least the sense of it, and how we contemplate it, is wonderful.

What’s even more wonderful is realizing how far you’ve came within just a year. What’s even more wonderful is, realizing a year can be as long or as short as you want it to be.

What’s wonderful is also remembering the things you wouldn’t want to remember.

Like people telling you how certain things you dreamt of, would probably just stay that way. In your mind, in your imagination. Because some things are impossible. And you can’t always get what you want.

What’s wonderful, is knowing you proved people wrong.

I’m sitting at the edge of the bed, running my fingers through the skin of my face. Pushing against it, so it feels like rubber. But it doesn’t. Tiny shard-like hair brushes against my rough skin, and I can hear friction.

It’s wonderful how there is no limit, to what fascinates the human mind.

There is no limit.

Not to time, not to the human mind’s fascination.

The only thing that can limit us, is our stupidity. Our standards, and contemplation of the world so far – falls under that category.

Hush by Deep Purple has stopped playing for the fourth time. I should get up, shave, maybe shower. Get something to eat. Go downtown, try to sell my books. Indulge in a little lower level human activity, and let my mind rest for a bit. Let me rephrase. Try to rest my mind, for a little bit.

I’m getting late. Or am I?

So.

I have this sudden urge to write.

I was thinking of creating a blog, one that’s not public, and pouring out on that. I’ve been contemplating it subliminally for a while now, just never get to it or put much voluntary thought into it.

No matter how open and public I go with voicing my thoughts and everything, a part of me always insists – that it’s somewhat fake.

And that I can’t help it.

But I try. Sometimes I can’t even tell myself. It’s not easy when all your thoughts are jumbled up in such a manner, that you can’t really tell what you want or are feeling.

Being bipolar isn’t easy.

Like being bothered severely by something, and not being able to figure out what it is. Specially when you’re so good at figuring things out, and figuring out what other people want, need, or feel. It’s ironic that it’d be so hard to do it for yourself.

Poetic justice, maybe. It all falls on paper so much more beautifully. When there’s some ironic misfortune that entails it all.

It’s what you’d want to read, at the end of the day. Not just some happy bullshit.

Like how I get surprised feelings from people when I tell them I’m happy or love life. It confuses them.

Which is kind of sad, if you think about it. People tell me I’ve become predictable.

Yet it confuses some people when I’m actually happy for a change.

Then it confuses me, when I’m not happy anymore, out of nowhere, for no reason at all.

Life is confusing that way.

End of transmission.

The average man.

Sam brought this to my attention, and I feel that I couldn’t have said it any better.

Alan Moore, ladies and gents.

“Ladies and Gentlemen! You've read about it in the papers! Now witness, before your very eyes, that most rare and tragic of nature's mistakes! I give you: the average man. Physically unremarkable, it instead possesses a deformed set of values. Notice the hideously bloated sense of humanity's importance. Also note the club-footed social conscience and the withered optimism. It's certainly not for the squeamish, is it? Most repulsive of all, are its frail and useless notions of order and sanity. If too much weight is placed upon them... they snap. How does it live, I hear you ask? How does this poor pathetic specimen survive in today's harsh and irrational environment? I'm afraid the sad answer is, 'Not very well'. Faced with the inescapable fact that human existence is mad, random, and pointless, one in eight of them crack up and go stark slavering buggo! Who can blame them? In a world as psychotic as this... any other response would be crazy!"

~ The Joker’s monologue, from Batman: Killing Joke.

Like sand.

Holding on to me is probably not in your best interest.

It’s not that I’ll let you down.
It’s just that, I’m probably too fast for you.

It’s not that I’ll leave you behind.
It’s just that, you might end up feeling that I have.

It’s not that you will start holding me down.
It’s just that, you will probably start hoping that you can somehow.

But it never works that way.
It never has. I don’t know if it will.

So, my floor is occupied with a million broken hearts.

And I feel like I’ve written this before, or at least something similar.

You probably find it similar too.

Something crazy must always happen. I’m here to entertain you.

But please don’t fall for it, no matter how bad I want you to.

There’s a thin faded line in between what you want, and what you think you want.

I’m here, only to give you what you really want. Not what you think you want.

But please don’t end up thinking that you can probably hold it in your hands for too long – think of it as sand.

Think of me as sand.

And maybe you’ll be ok.

See, the problem with me getting everything I want is, it ends up fucking things up that other people want.

Me getting what I want, probably means you won’t get what you want. Not for much long, anyway.

I’m not trying to brag. Not trying to be cold hearted.

I don’t want to be misunderstood.

The beauty of this illusion is. You might end up believing I have everything I want.

Maybe I do.

But I probably don’t.

Do I?

Magnets.

“It’s not your fault. You are who you are. And girls fall for it. I’m just glad I’m not magnetic material anymore.”

Something crazy must always happen.

So, I was chasing Belal, on Broad street in the middle of the concrete jungle. At 3AM in the morning.

And he kept getting faster and faster.

So I kept getting faster, and faster.

And being stoned, it was the best thing in the world.

It almost felt like the wind was carrying us, and the rest of the world was just a blur.

All the cabs, the freaked out people that got scared when we ran in between them.

And I yelled ‘incoming’ really loud while passing by them.

Adrenaline rush.

Something crazy must always happen.

Expandable.

So, I wake up, at 1 PM. With my head still spinning, and me remembering my lost cell

That's right. I also lost my credit card, the day before that. And then my cell phone yesterday. I just don't know where it went.

But surprisingly, it's all right. Was just a cell phone.

I feel like I'm disconnected from the world at the moment. Not completely, but right now, I can. I have an excuse, to. I have the option to.

So, I took another hit, and decided to go downstairs for a cigarette.

Standing on Chestnut, looking around at all the tall buildings, and the light blue sky - with puffy clouds.

This man came up to me, with eyes half open, and asked me if he could bum a cigarette off of me.

I reached in my pockets, for the pack of cigarettes, but stopped when my fingers reached it.

I looked down at the cigarette in my hand, and back up at him, to say;

"Aah, this is the only cigarette I have, man, sorry, I bummed this off of my room-mate upstairs ..."

And he quickly started telling me how it's ok, and thanks anyway.

When he walked off, I let go off the pack in my pocket and wondered to myself why I did that. I never ever have.

I was standing at the same exact spot around 3 days ago, when a homeless man sitting across the cigarette yelled to me for a cigarette. I actually reached in my pocket without thinking, crossed the street, walked to where he was sitting on the floor, and handed him the cigarette.

As I walked back, the smile that suddenly appeared on his face was still roaming around in my head. Cocky, and impressed at the same time. It was absurd.

But I said no to a man today, without even thinking about it. And I don't know why I did it.

But then I started looking around at all the people and realized how I must look like crap. I did, after all, get out of the couch I was sleeping on, put on a hoodie, take another hit, and just walk out in the city with flip flops and my pack of cigarettes. My hair was probably the messiest ever, and I probably looked like hammered crap.

But I didn't give a shit.

And being it northeast america, no one on the street gave a shit either.

And I liked it. I like not giving a shit.

Life is precious.

I have everything I want.

I lost my credit card, and my cell phone - but it doesn't matter. Tangible things can all be replaced.

All of them.

The Ace of Spades.

The power of the human mind can not be described.

And I realize that.

So, I’m laying in bed, shuffling this deck of cards. Concentrating on the ace of spades, trusting myself to pull it out in random, out of the 52 cards in my hands.

I don’t think I will, I don’t believe in luck, fate, or chance. I know, that I’m going to pull out the ace of spades, just because I’m thinking of doing it. Without looking at what card I’m pulling out.

I wanted to pull out a random card, out of the 52, without looking at them.

Random card. Could be any card, out of the 52, right?

But I wanted an ace of spades, so bad. And there’s only one ace of spades, in the 52.

Probability, 1 to 52, right?

But the power of the human mind – it can not be described.

After enough thinking, and throwing out ‘probability, and chance’ out of my thoughts, I pull out a random card.

Guess what card it was.

It was the ace of spades. I shit you not.

…am I or the others crazy?

“Yeh, dil, yeh pagal dil mera,
kyun bujh gaya? Aawaragi.”

Those who’re supposed to get it, will.

If you aren’t, you won’t.

Words are wonderful that way.

So, I feel like writing again, after a long time.

Because it’s ironic, and sad, but I can only write when I’m either;

a) In a drugged state of mind
b) Depressed/melancholic/sad/angsty/angry

I’m option b, right now, unfortunately. Or fortunately. For you entertainment hungry people, who love packaged depression, all tied up with a pretty ribbon and what not. You do, don’t even deny it.

I don’t have any moral values, so I’m not going to judge you.

I do too, sometimes. But I’m the producer and marketing manager, so the store policy declines me any employee benefits. You, however, get discounts and shit. This blog is one of them. This post is your fucking holiday sale.

Maybe I'm just one person. Maybe I'm so many people in one. Maybe that's why I'm so lost and why I'm so hard to find. When you don't know who or what you're looking for, the search is only tougher.

And therefore, I need to either self destruct into a million different pieces.

Or find myself before that happens. It’s probably right around the corner though, so don’t get your hopes up too high.

Or actually, if you really love pretty little packages of gloom, with a red fucking ribbon, Christmas comes early for you. I guess.

Karma is a bitch, but only if you believe in it. Because if you don’t, you’re probably completely oblivious to it, and therefore you don’t see it happening. And the human mind, being so fucking moronic, needs to see shit hit the fan, to realize that shit has hit the fan.

Shit has hit the fan. See it or not.

What the eyes see, the mind believes.

Stupid, stupid.. stupid.

When you don’t know what you want, you end up fucking shit up for other people.

When you do know what you want, shit ends up getting fucked for you.

When you want what you want, depending on whether or not you fucked shit up or not – it can go either way.

It’s a game of chance. But is it really?

I feel like my head is about to explode, sometimes.

Sometimes I wonder if there’s really any point in bothering.

Sometimes I think there isn’t.

Then sometimes I think there is, and my head almost explodes.

Other times I’m too stoned to give a shit.

But when I’m not, I’m trying really hard to keep my head from exploding.

But if it did, would it really matter?

If I’m so fucking brilliant, I need to go insane.

It’s only poetic justice.

That Australian what’s-his-face in ‘a Beautiful mind’ went insane. Ended up getting an award at the end of the movie, or some shit. Just had to go crazy to get it, though.

Who would’ve watched the movie if he didn’t? Not me, not you. Maybe the shitheads that would’ve gone ahead and created a movie, where he doesn’t go insane.

“A question that sometimes drives me hazy: am I or are the others crazy?”

Albert Einstein said that.

I hope I go crazy soon, this purgatory in between isn’t much fun.

I’d rather go to hell, then dwell in nothingness, wondering where I’m going to end up.

But hey – how can hell exist? How do you and I exist? How did we manage to get this far? And why? And for what?

To end up a cog, in a system that’s failed.

But then again, you can’t blame the system either. It was designed by you and I. And you and I are flawed, to begin with.

If God created us, why didn’t he create us to be perfect?

Or did he decide to get creative, and experiment? That would make sense.

“Oh, let me fuck this kid that’s about to be born’s life by not giving him any sight. It’ll be hilarious.”

“Oh, this other kid that’s about to be born – I’ma give him cancer by the time he turns 5. And maybe I’ll go get make popcorn while I’m at it.”

“Aids. Hmm, haven’t done that to anyone in a bit. How about that two year old ..” *gives 2 year old Aids*

Nothing happens without God’s consent, right?

And that right there is God’s consent?

Right.

Something I tweeted got RT-d around three times, so I’ma repeat it. Recreate history, or some shit.

“The only thing more confusing than a woman, is two women.”

And it’s true. I’d rather bake brain cells. But then again, I’d pick that over anything and everything. Even life itself.

I’m hoping for 2012.

And for a zombie apocalypse at the same time.

We need to stir shit up a little, and then chuck it at the fan.

So it hits the fan, but it’s different somehow. On a larger scale somehow.

All this little shit isn’t doing it for me anymore.

But then again, life isn’t either. At all.

“I wish we could run, to the sun …”

“No, I don’t want to get burnt.”

“Then we’ll go at night …”

I hope you know, I’d hand the skies to you.

Or push them into your hands, and you can let me die underneath it when it’s yours.

Apparently, that’s how things work.

We will create God. And then make God destroy us.

And then blame God, but not ourselves.

We’re all just human though. So let shit hitting the fan slide, just once more.

Just once more.

Random Post Title Name Thing.

So much has happened in the past few days, I can't possibly contemplate even trying to describe it.

But I wonder. Why is life so easy? Put my finger on anything, and it happens. I don’t know why, I don’t know how, but something tells me I should aim even higher.

Life is beautiful that way.

I’m out of words and wouldn’t know how to continue.

The City where I never sleep.

My life is at it’s craziest right now. And I love it.

I just got home after a crazy ass weekend in the city.

This song can sum up my life right now:

Thanks to Belal.

And Windows Live Writer is by far the best desktop application for writing blog posts. Go get it if you haven’t already checked it out.

Remembering.

Today was probably the last day I can spend my freedom.

So I lived today, like no tomorrow.

Just care free, and let it all go up in smoke.

I have a shitload of projects to be doing, so after tonight’s little party, I might not party again for a whole week.

In fact, I know I won’t. I’m not going to.

That’s why I went crazy today. And I mean Crazy wit a capital C. Wow.

Anyway, I’m buzzed out but everyone else is asleep and I’m wide awake with my train of thoughts.

It’s like, crazy. Wow. The stuff gets me riled up instead of putting me down. I’m like a powerhouse of energy or something. Wow.

Anyway.

The day started by me getting 12 people to play True Combat: Elite with me and Morpheus. I call him Morpheus. I don’t remember his real name. He’s really cool though. He said he would play if I could get around 6 or 7 people to play. I got 12 to.

Kicked butt throughout, too. Was amazing.

And then I had a mini party with all these people. Was awesome. Cant’ go in detail. I’m tired, and I’m sipping on Dr. Pepper. It’s the best fucking thing in the world.

Remember. No Tomorrow.

Let’s see if I remember this when I wake up.

Alive.

“Is something wrong,” she said.

“Oh, of course there is.”

“You’re still alive,” she said.

“Oh, and do I deserve to be? Is that the question? And if so. If so, who answers?

I’m still alive.”

- Alive, Pearl Jam.

Figuring out Danish.

I just love how some people can confine themselves to only one kind of music and still call themselves music lovers and what not.

It takes either courage, or sheer stupidity, to do that. Just listen to a particular genre and say you appreciate music.

God, this conversation with you, has been like a blog post. I don't really talk like Deepak Chopra or Socrates in real life.

Something someone recently said to me that made me smile and wonder. And even inflate my already inflated self esteem, of course, that’s why it made me smile in the first place.

“Are girls constantly flinging themselves at you?”

Oh, if only, love.

If only people knew what was good for them.

If they did, they would probably stay away from Danish Arif though.

You figure out which one.

No longer about whether you have an addiction or not.

It’s about what that addiction is to.

The city is so pretty to look at, at the dead middle of the night.

I don’t mean, at like, a poncy corny late, like 12 am. No, I’m talking about 4 in the fucking morning.

When everyone is snuck up in bed.

Alone, clutching the pillow or the blanket, while they dream and don’t remember them after waking up.

Or, with their significant other. Maybe even hand in hand, if they haven’t been sleeping together for long.

Or maybe close together, head on arms.

Or if they have been together for a while now, probably facing in their own directions. Put themselves to sleep wondering what to do next. What else is left to look for?

And they make that list in their head before falling asleep and having multiple dreams. But not remembering any when they wake up.

I remember looking down at the street, in Karachi.

And now I’m doing it in an apartment in center city, Philadelphia.

I make myself smile with my heart.

I’m your addiction, aren’t I? We’re all addicted to one thing or another, even if we don’t admit it.

The internet maybe.

Daily cup of tea maybe. Caffeine.

Chocolates maybe.

Watching the news maybe.

Having the same dull routine every fucking day maybe. The comfort and convenience involved in that. And in human life in general. Or what we’ve made of it. Ourselves.

I try to stop, I try to do the best I could.

Make me smile, with your heart, for a change.

Cream.

Remember those moonlit nights?

Stargazing and nothing else.

With no other care in the world, just the wind blowing really slow.

Oddly comforting.

You realizing how alive you are.

How alive and beautiful everything else is.

The stars in the sky, the darkness around them, and the moonlight. So clear and beautiful, like nothing else.

And the leaves, fresh and damp. After it has stopped raining. But it’s still humid.

And everything is beautiful. The night is beautiful.

And you have a beautiful mind. So you let it wander. And it days, off to your world of dreams. The one you’ve created yourself. When you play God inside your head, because it’s so much more safer that way. And secure. And comfortable.

Like love is. Comfortable. Makes you feel content.

Like you’re safe. Like you’re sniffing tissues that smell like vicks vaporub.

My funny valentine …

You, make me smile – with my heart.

Like the moon is smiling at you when you’re not looking at it.

Like life is a beautiful mess you want to create. By falling for it, and falling in it’s many games. Probably the one you love the most. Probably the best game there is.

So you let your mind wander off, to think about your lover.

Or lovers.

What if one person, is not just that. What if a million people lived in one? Maybe that’s what you’re looking for.

Are you?

Because everyone is ONE. But you’re looking for someone that isn’t. You’re looking for more than One itself.

Because you’re looking for God. Not THE God, though, of course. We’re all looking for something. Everyone always is.

Cream by Wu Tang Clan is one of the best rap songs in the world. With one of the best beats in the history of music.

But no one really gets all this. No one understands.

Specially if this wasn’t a blog, and a person, this wouldn’t have ever worked.

It never really does. Minds work better for people when they keep them closed. And so this is shut out. Would have been shut out. If this wasn’t a blog, and was a person.

 

“But as the world turns I learned life is Hell
Living in the world, no different from a cell
Everyday I escape from Jakes givin chase, sellin base
Smokin bones in the staircase
Though I don't know why I chose to smoke sess
I guess that's the time when I'm not depressed
But I'm still depressed, and I ask what's it worth?
Ready to give up so I seek the Old Earth
Who explained working hard may help you maintain
to learn to overcome the heartaches and pain
We got stickup kids, corrupt cops, and crack rocks
and stray shots, all on the block that stays hot
Leave it up to me while I be living proof
To kick the truth to the young black youth
But shorty's running wild, smokin sess, drinkin beer
And ain't trying to hear what I'm kickin in his ear
Neglected for now, but yo, it gots to be accepted
That what? That life is hected”

Cash rules everything around me.

CREAM. Get the money. Dollar, dollar, bill ya’ll.

- Wu Tang Clan. Cream.

In Search Of… am I high?

 

Me and Yousef are sitting on this couch in his apartment, after a visit from Puff the Magic Dragon.

He told me to download the whole N.E.R.D album, In Search Of … and it’s on my playlist, but not playing. So I ask him if the song is trippy or not, and he says.

“Oh, it’s kinda trippy, but not as much as you would think.”

And he goes back into drifting, when I feel like giving it a shot and play it.

I lean back and we both start listening to the song. Then after 5 seconds into the song, we look at each other and say.

“Ok, woah, that IS trippy.”

I don’t know why I felt like putting that up, but it was hilarious at the time.

-yawn-

So, I ended up crashing at Belal and Yousef's last night, which I'm still trying to comprehend.

They live right in the middle of the fucking city. Right next to center city. And waking up and going downstairs for a cigarette doesn't seem that odd in that light then, does it?

Watching all these people scatter around, with their lattes', iphones, blackberries, and what nots', in their expensive suits and stuff. Aah, people running after the American dream.

It's depressing, but still a sight to behold.

With all the tall skyscrapers, the thin straight roads that cars ultimately get stuck on. Mostly because SEPTA - the public transportation system, is on strike. And it's messing up things for people that don't even use it.

And suddenly I don't see why I'm writing this blog post. I'm just going to go ahead and publish.

I am going crazy.

Me and Belal got on the elevator to get to his and Yousef's apartment. So we're standing inside the elevator, with two cartons of tastycake, one 10 pieces chicken nuggets, one frosty, and we have to get to floor nine.

But I end up pressing every button on the lift from 8 to 1.

So, we sit down on the floor and I tell him we should play a game.

Leatherface, with a chainsaw, is on one of the floors that the elevator is going to stop on, and we don't know which one. And we have to get out ourselves, on the right floor, above Leatherface, or as far as possible from him so we can escape and get to the apartment. But if we get on the wrong floor, or stay in the elevator, while it stops on the Leatherface floor, we're going to get chopped up.

And so we're sitting on the floor of the elevator, freaking out as it stops on every floor.

Then we just start talking about all kinds of crazy stuff, not realizing that we're still on the floor and that the elevator is stopping on each.

Until we get to the ninth floor, and decide to get to the apartment already.

October 30th, 2009.

Today has been a really eventful day. I’m just going to make, like a list.

~ Woke up with a nightmare, details in post below, felt like I was going to have the crappiest day ever, but actually ended up waking early for a change and getting to class on time.

~ Got to class to realize I had done the homework wrong, so I ran to the computer lab, actually re-did the homework (wrote an entire paragraph for my short story in 5 minutes,) made five copies, ran back to class and shared with my writing group.

~ Met up Tyler and Mike, two really kickass people, and we decided we were going to get baked.

~ After class, Tyler goes home, I get Cake with Mike and Billy. Cake is awesome, by the way.

~ Tyler comes back, we go to Mike’s place, and get baked like a cake. Seriously, buzzed out of our skulls. Actually got to see what Purple Haze is about. And yes, it deserves to be talked with great regard. Purple Haze is THE best.

~ Shot an hour worth of short film (which I now realize didn’t actually get saved =[) but got lots of ideas for short films, and found out Mike’s good friend Pat is a film major and has a lot of good movie making equipment. So let’s see where that goes. Also had really deep conversations.

~ Decided to head back to CCP, and Tyler dropped me off for the Anime meeting.

~ As I was going to take the elevator up, I run into Dan and Luiggi, two really cool people. We decide to grab a pizza, and Luiggi tells me all about his recent heartbreak. So does Dan, and I can’t help but see how similar my story is. And the nightmare comes back into perspective.

~ Then we head back to the meeting, and meet up with BIlly ,where intense LAN Left 4 Dead party takes place.

~ End up watching some very disturbing Anime.

~ Decide to go home, but run into this really cool dude named Hannibal first. Yes, that’s his real middle name. He doesn’t like being called his first name. He is shit tall, has an afro, can actually eat up a horse, and scares me sometimes.

~ Find out 2 people actually broke up right in front of me, at the Anime club meeting. One couple actually engaged.

I dropped a quarter, 25 cents, under the vending machine, and he ducked down to find it. He actually ended up finding a nickel and two dimes, which total up to 25 cents, but not the actual quarter itself. Funny.

So, Hannibal almost got into a fight with the Dude, from the couple that was(?) engaged. And a knife actually came out, along with words like, “Oh, I’ll cut you up motherfucker, you think you know me?” and “What the fuck you staring it? You wanna go, HUH?”

So I stayed behind after the meeting, partially to see if a fight actually does erupt, and if it does, to jump in and try stopping it. Probably wouldn’t have worked, but it’s the thought that counts right? Yeah.

So I end up realizing, wow, life is just sad for everyone.

Oh, and tomorrow it’s officially Halloween, so have a party to attend. Don’t really know which one, let’s see.

Aah, that’s about it. I’ve realized how wonderful life is.

Last semester in college, I practically knew no one.

Now there’s probably no one I don’t know. Almost, anyway.

I know a shitload of people, that’s basically what I’m trying to say.

And I love it, I’m the people’s person. Also, I made it happen, so yay in my head.

Here’s to being awesome. =] Kanpaii!

Nightmares.

What’s worst than experiencing heartbreak?

It’s still experiencing it in nightmares.

Even after all these years.

And then having to wake up and getting out of bed.

It’s like reliving the moment. Or death, actually.

How can you live if you constantly mourn your heart?

Fire.

Hate is such a beautiful thing.

It’s fear that gives men wings.

And fear and hate walk side by side.

Like the Dioscuri.

Like the Grimm Reaper and the Devil.

And yet, hate is such a beautiful thing.

Anger is another beautiful thing, closely related to Hate.

When I think Anger right now, the picture that flows in my head is:

This fire, that’s flowing through a tube or a tunnel, similar to water. Beautiful texture of Golden, Brown and Orange. Just flowing together, warming the walls of the tunnel it’s enclosed in. And continuously flowing, beautifully.

Layers and layers of golden brown and orange, flowing over each other, and together with complete harmony. Poetry in motion.

Willing to destroy whatever comes in it’s path, and having the ability to reduce to ashes, in the blink of an eye.

Completely eradicate.

Remove from existence.

Reduce to nothingness. Intangibleness. Until only the memory remains.

And that too, fades away. Time is cruel that way.

But funny thing with hate and anger. Just like you can never forgive, you can never forget. It’s going to be there forever.

The marks of fire against a cave wall. Or the tunnel that held it. Even after the fire is long gone.

IF you can find a way to make the fire go away.

Dilemma.

I have made everything happen.

But there’s still this void.

I’ve experienced life closer than most people get to.

But there’s still this void.

I’ve grabbed and achieved everything I wanted.

But there’s still this void.

Maybe it’s because I don’t know what to want anymore.

And maybe it’ll always be here.

Maybe it’s a good thing.

But having everything is depressing me.

It’s like having everything, but still missing something.

Still wanting more, but not knowing what it is.

Far Away.

Far away.

Flowing like a river, with colors that don’t fade.

Cold that feels good against your face,

not too shallow, nor sharp as razor blades.

Like souls, yours and mine, flowing at the same pace.

Through my fingers, through intangible space.

Through galaxies, and more,

like fairy tales and folklore.

Like God, and every other solution

name it infatuation, probably just another illusion.

Like or your lover’s warm stare.

like not being here tomorrow,

like not caring, if she’s not there.

Like being one with the wind, and flying on the ground.

Wanting to be lost, just so you could be found.

Like crying for no reason, for more things heard than were said

and the tears flowing down your cheeks, letting you know you’re not yet dead.

Looking for all eternity, and knowing there are more - just destined to come

Holding down to your dreams, because you waiting for the ears that would listen to you hum

And sing and shout, and be one with the wind

Because the wind is what you most relate to

And you fly, to get to heaven, you try

but to die to get to heaven, you want to really hate too.

Like the breathe you take, inside your lover’s mouth

when time stands still, and nothing else can ever matter

when you experience heaven for the first time ever

and realize living or dying, can’t possibly ever matter.

Not again at least, you’ve experienced it a little

so hold on, or carelessly let go

and deny you were ever there

push a rock into the rivers that flow.

Close off your minds, embrace your Gods

and tell yourself love is a lie

but ask yourself and try being honest

would you rather live, or die?

Far Away.

Nothing but everything.

Danish989 is a…

Depressed.

Self sabotaging.

Egotistic.

Sexist.

Mask Wearing.

Arrogant.

Ignorant.

Two Faced.

Double Minded.

Political.

Narcissistic.

… Stoner - Writer.

Recently as I was waiting on a dream,

She came to visit lost and lonely me.

Oh, she leaned over the bed and with her lips above my head,

She asked if I had seen her Johnny.

Oh, and I hide my disappointment.

Because for years I had been hoping, that when she came she’d be coming just for me.

What the sky should be.

I look at the sky, and I see more than just clouds, or a never-ending color (or pattern, depending on the time.)

I see worlds yet to be explored.

And dreams yet to be seen.

Or dreams seen, but yet to be experienced.

I see so much more that we could be focusing on, but pity that we don’t even glance at the sky anymore.

A pity, that we’re so consumed by little nothingness.

Instead of vast everything.

Everything we can’t even start to contemplate.

Everything that the human mind can’t even process.

Kind of like the feeling you’d get if you were told an eighth color exists, and were asked to imagine what it looks like.

What would an eighth color look like?

It’s a pity some people go one without ever asking that question, specially to themselves.

A pity that a child might, but a grown up won’t ever, because it’s outlandish.

It’s outlandish, because humans don’t really like thinking, do we?

It’s not all that odd though. See, a child’s mind is still open to possibilities.

But the more the human mind tends to grow, dare I say it, the more it’s doing the opposite.

For our generation, anyway. We’re enclosing ourselves into little nothingness.

When I look at the sky, I get a feeling of what I’m looking for.

Even though I don’t know what it is. It’s the thing I’ve been searching for, for years now. And probably will, for the years to come.

Maybe I’ll find it one day.

But if I don’t, at least I’ll be happy knowing that I tried.

Have you?

Repeat after me.

“I also want a new laptop. A Sony Vaio. Yes, I've made up my mind. The Vaio because not only is it pretty, but they have good battery life now, finally. And also because they are performing much better than they used to.
I also want a Sony Cybershot. Hey, I need to capture moments in time, and save them somewhere. It's this new thing I'm going to try out. Should be fun, I love pictures and taking them.”

I wrote that a month or two ago.

It’s funny. I do get everything I want.

I can’t think of anything I’ve wanted in the last few years that I haven’t gotten.

Not just materialistic things, no.

Everything. Everything I could possibly want, put my fingers on, put my mind to, desire in my head.

Everything.

There is nothing, that I want from life right now.

But that isn’t new, I’ve felt this way for a long time. I don’t want things, I get them.

All of it. Everything.

There is nothing, that I could wish for and not get. Because that’s just how it works, I’ve figured out.

I want, I get. I need, then I don’t need anymore, because I have.

Everything. EVERYTHING. Nothing is out of reach. Nothing is impossible.

And do you know how you can get everything? If you repeat after me.

But it’s not easy, it’s something I’ve had to master. And I have.

I’m writing my own life story, I don’t believe in luck, fate, or destiny. I am creating my own world.

I am writing my own destiny.

I have everything I need. I am Danish Arif.

And nothing and no one, can or will ever come close. It’s probably the only thing impossible.

Life is my playground, and I’m pawning everyone and everything in sight. All of it.

The only thing that stops me from achieving anything, is the time before I realize I want it.

Did that make any sense? Hope it did.

Repeat after me.

There’s nothing, no one can stop me from getting.

If you want the same things as me, then you might as well start looking elsewhere.

There’s no competition I haven’t beat.

I don’t remember defeat.

But then again, Danish989 doesn’t exist.

I’m a figment of your imagination, I’m not real.

I am fairy tale. Because I’m perfect.

I’m like Superman. Only, Superman is fiction.

The things I don’t have, are the things I don’t want.

Repeat after me.

I am greatness.

Repeat after me, and keep going on loop.

Impossible is a myth.

An illusion to make things convenient for ourselves.

Repeat after me.

Phillies Beat The Dodgers 10 – 4 – Oct 21-22, 2009

The Phillies have officially beat the Dodgers and are now making way to the World Series.

That’s right, The Phillies, representing PHILADELPHIA have beat the Dodgers, representing LOS ANGELES.

That too, with a score of 10 – 4. The Phillies had 10 home runs.

So yeah, pretty much a big deal.

Car horns are going to keep me up all night, as people outside bars everywhere come out to celebrate and wave their Phillies t-shirts in the air.

Beating the LA Dodgers. I can’t say that enough times. The LA Dodgers. Could not dodge the Phillies. YES, I’m being Corny, but IN YOUR FACES, LA DODGERS.

Poor fellas couldn’t make it to the World Series.

Now, imagine the Phillies against the Yankees for the finals. And then the Phillies winning again.

After they beat the LA Dodgers, of course.

Philly has beat LA. Should not forget that.

Oh, God.

And I don’t actually mind a few religious people, and I’m not exactly an atheist either.

ANIM`Eв„ў says:
*no
*not australai
*man its really good here
*i have never been discriminated agaiinst once
*even when i got jamat
*and like in full jubaz
*and stuff
Narcissus says:
*no way
*its not bad here either
*ppl just talk shit for no reason then
*even though im no devote muslim any more
ANIM`Eв„ў says:
*lolz!
*u jahananmi
*dont u pray
*ans stuff
Narcissus says:
*lol
*not rly
*dont remember the last time i did
ANIM`Eв„ў says:
*man u gonna burn like a  caol in hell i tell ya
*lolz!
Narcissus says:
*lol
*jesus christ man
*im just tryna find god for myself
*you knw?
*i think religion was man made
*and if theres a God I think we gotta look for him for ourselves
ANIM`Eв„ў says:
*nigga u serious going of track
*is all i can say
*lolz!
*dats sucha jewish way of seeing things
*oh well all i can say is faith is followed blindly thats why tis called faitha dn not science
*but then agian
Narcissus says:
*exactly
*and i cant do blind faith
ANIM`Eв„ў says:
*lolz!
*i guess so
*maybe u should go for like
*an umra
*or somthign then u might see a diffrence
*or go for a juma
*somtime
Narcissus says:
*maybe i'll give it a shot
ANIM`Eв„ў says:
*when was the last time u prayed jumua
Narcissus says:
*lol
*don't rly remember
ANIM`Eв„ў says:
*go pray this friday
*and see how it goes
*but dont got ot eh places where it turns the living shit outta u
Narcissus says:
*lol
ANIM`Eв„ў says:
*go toa nice mosue
*not some shack musallah
*lolz!
Narcissus says:
*lol
ANIM`Eв„ў says:
*man thsoe niggers speak like
*crap straight outta tehre ass
*i swear
Narcissus says:
*lol
*I know what you're saying
ANIM`Eв„ў says:
*you'll be sitting there and you'll be like
*that aint riht
Narcissus says:
*llol
ANIM`Eв„ў says:
*buat u cant tdo shit
*so u jsut sit ans listen
*and keep quiet
*lozl!
*brb
*gotta pray asr
Narcissus says:
*arite man
*lol, cya in a bit
ANIM`Eв„ў says:
*lolz!
Narcissus says:
*pray for me if you can or whatever
*i could use all the help I get =p

 

^^ That was one of my many brothers, that I spent most of my childhood with, and am now getting to know him again. See, he’s in Australia, and I’m in the US, we spent most of our schooling years together, before his family moved to Australia.

And would you believe this conversation started with Marijuana?

Believe.

Running around.

You run around your whole life looking for something, and when it smacks you straight in the face, you don't know what to do with it. So you just run away from it, and then regret it when you're done running.

But then there are things you really, really want, because you think you do. But suddenly, all doors seem closed. And you’re shocked, because well – this is you. And you’ve gotten everything you’ve ever put your fingers on.

And you’re accustomed to getting things.

Even if it’s just been for throwing them away, recently. But it’s about the journey and not the destination, right?

What is there in the destination, anyway. Life is too short, and too worthless, to bother with anything much anyway.

What is the point, then?

Even if we end up running around our whole lives, looking for the point of life, will we really know what to do with it when it smacks us right in the face?

And what if it never does, and we never find out, never know?

Life is overrated.

Love is overrated.

Human Companionship is overrated.

Human Beings, are overrated.

Everyone and everything overrated.

And therefore, protecting my lungs from Tar and other 400 chemicals in cigarettes, is over rated.

And therefore, I’m just going to smoke till I cough my lungs out.

Why not?

Happiness is a myth.

World peace is a myth.

The belief that everyone is out to do good in the world, or the belief that ANYONE is out to do good in the world.

God is a myth.

Love is a myth.

Karma is a myth.

All illusions we’ve created for ourselves – to make everything much more convenient.

Fiction.

All of it.

Every human standard, every moral value.

Ignorance is bliss.

Myth. Fiction.

Lies that saved your soul.

And keep your heart glued together.

The difference between humans and animals is a minor one. That while animals can’t do much about what they are, humans can actually choose.

But we don’t.

Life is spinning the bottle and watching where it stops. And then taking it from there.

Life is a game of cards.

Life is, a bag of sharp pointy tacks. All scattered on the floor. So they’ll just push themselves on to your feet when you try walking away.

The stainless steel pushing into your flesh, tearing apart any skin that tries to come in between. And the warm blood gushing out and dripping over the cold steel.

Life is a million shattered pieces of glass. Like broken dreams, and broken hearts. Of all the people that you’ve run into. And the pile will only continue to grow, and grow. And grow.

Life is a cloudy day. The sun is there, but you have to be really, really looking for it. Otherwise, it’s just shit windy, and the wind blew away your umbrella. And it starts raining just as it did.

You have your genuine leather jacket on, too. And rain ruins expensive genuine leather.

Well, what is the point? What can money buy?

Only MTV. Cult philosophy.

Love and hate go so well together.

One couldn’t exist without the other, it’s hilarious.

But they’re not opposites, if that’s what you think.

Good is not the opposite of Evil.

Evil is not the nemesis of Good.

Why would you come into this world believing that?

There is no good or bad.

Yin and Yang are subject to the individual holding the concept of Yin and Yang in his or her mind.

Closure. Is a funny word.

I’d run around looking for it, all my life. And when it strikes me right in the face, I’ll pretend it didn’t. I’ll pretend it doesn’t exist, then.

If all else fails, I’ll shut out my mind, and run away from everything else that falls my way. Everything I’ve wanted, deep down inside.

Closure.

Close. End.

It really does close your mind and eyes to a lot of things. Maybe that’s why it’s called closure.

The end of possibilities. Experiences.

Closing.

I know where God is, by the way.

He’s in our television sets.

And our iPods.

And Rija says to me: “Sometimes you talk like God.”

Irony is a, bad, evil thing.

 

Narcissus says:
*or, or
*make a third bathroom or something
*and there, the water would be perfect
*or maybe it'll become perfect in all three!
*o_o
*ingenous.
*and sheer irony that I spelt that wront
*wrong*
*and spelled spelled wrong, too
*wow
*and wrong, too!
*awesome!!

      RIJ.     says:
*totally!
*you should be like
*a bathroom architect

Eureka!

This one goes out specifically to two people.

But for us to get there, let me rewind a little and start from the beginning.

So, I’ve decided that I’m going to have two blogs running at the same time. Yes, you heard right.

I don’t know if many of you remember the word press-blogger incident, where I couldn’t decide which blogging service I wanted to use.

Then came bigger problems into my life. For instance, when I couldn’t decide which female I wanted to continue hitting on.

Or whether Megan Fox was really a live human being or not.

But, let’s not get into these issues I’m surrounded with on a day to day basis, and talk about business.

I’ve realized – not recently, but still – that I love writing. And so I want to focus my energy on as much writing as I possibly can. I do not know why.

In fact, I just told someone what I was about to do. And they asked me why, too. And I calmly told them the whole reason, as to why;

I have no idea.

But why is the question always Why, and not – Why Not? God, I’m good with words.

Maybe that’s why.

Anyway.

I want to start a guild of writers, with Arfa and Rija to begin with. I’m not sure if I want to add more people as the snowball starts turning into an avalanche, but probably not. And I want to lead the project.

That’s all I’m going to give out yet, but the snowball has already rolled into a snow boulder in my mind, so there’s a big chance this is going to see the light of day.

But don’t bet on it – I change my mind every time I blink. Hmm .. does that mean I change half my mind when I wink?

Stay tuned.

Oh, and as far as the two different blogs I’m thinking of running are concerned:

http://danish989.wordpress.com
http://danish989.blogspot.com

Those are the respective links above ^^. Here are some things I have planned out. They can portray the two very different mindsets I harbor, and therefore, I can publish at one place where I’m cynical, and at the other when I’m … not as cynical? Something like that, yeah? Bear with me.

Go check it out by the way, see if you like how wordpress feels for a while.

Thanks for coming, and all comments go in any one of the comment spaces. =]

Yours truly,
Danish Arif.

Trying out something, again.

Maybe I’ll delete this post after I’m done.

Or maybe not. What do you think?

Windows Live Writer.

Just giving it a whirl, see how it goes. And I’m liking what I see.

Thanks for coming! =]

... and I have heaven on my right.

All I'm going to do in this post is like, single sentences. Thought after thought after thought. Free Form.

I remember my guitar when it was new.

I remember when I got high speed internet.

I remember when I got my own room.

I remember when I got introduced to a new life.

Each time.

And always will, no matter how many times I do.

And right now I just feel like telling the world how awesome and amazing Rija is. And has been. And always will be.

And she should know that she's not just stuck on awesome. I used amazing, too.

Arriving, Somewhere. But not here.

Everything is so much more beautiful up here.

High as a mo'fuckin helicopta'. That's my favorite line today.

Thought is a very powerful word.

The human mind is perfect. But not every human is perfect enough to use it.

Open your mind, but only enough so that it doesn't fall out. Let's all remember that.

But why - closed minds are so much more easier to carry around.

Like the iPhone. Why advance when we can acknowledge downgrading as a status symbol?

Everything is so much more beautiful up here.

Music. Ginger Ale. Tobacco.

It feels good being plus one. Still The One.

And new. Die Zeitgeist. The spirit of the new age.

Machine Gun Funk by Notorious B.I.G. One of the best beats I've heard in a rap song.

Also see; High Till I Die by Tupac, Street Dreams and Hero by Nas.

I remember wanting things.

I remember getting everything I've ever wanted.

I don't remember how it felt just wanting them and not getting them. Maybe that's why this is so hard.

All the apathy - from the pills in me. It's all in me, all in you.

I remember trying to push out of the crowd.

I remember succeeding and never wanting to go back.

I don't remember how it was down there anymore. Maybe that's why this is so hard.

I remember paying close attention to human standards and moral values.

I remember begging to differ.

I don't remember the last time I didn't. Maybe that's why this is so hard.

I remember having a heart.

I remember trying to keep it safe.

I don't remember how it was when it wasn't being passed around like a joint. Maybe that's why this is so hard.

And now it's all about studying, and theorizing, and contemplating.

And I remember when I could rest my head and my mind.

I don't remember how having a mind felt - I've lost it. Maybe that's why this is so hard.

Lala Attack!

This one is for laalz!!

Being sick and bed ridden.

I love fall / the few days before it's actually winter.

I love how my sense of smell actually gets enhanced when I have a fever or a cold.

I love how I can smell everything so perfectly all of a sudden.

Coffee.

Colognes.

Winter.

I miss childhood and reading graphic novels on a couch all day.

I love how I have a million hilarious stories, because I've had the world's best friends, and still do.

I love how music is the most wonderful thing in the world. Or second most wonderful. Or third most wonderful. Or fourth most wonderful. Yet, so wonderful.

Rida hates me being grumpy apparently. So much that she's told me she hates reading my blog now. >_> Not cool, dude.

The good old days.

I remember blogging about winter a few years ago. I love winter, it's true. I just can't stand the cold, but everything else is awesome.

OR perhaps, I love fall, not winter. The few days before winter officially gets here is what I love.

The weather is perfect, everything looks, feels and smells so damn wonderful.

Leaves on the ground, and the only reason I step on them - because they make that crunchy noise every time I do. Otherwise, who would step on leaves? People would walk around them on purpose. I was just thinking about that yesterday, right before I stepped on a crunchy red leaf.

Love is a weird feeling. But I hate how humans have somehow managed to standardize the feeling of love, too. Just like they have with God.

Leave it up to human beings to completely fuck everything up, and attempt to make things even more convenient for themselves - only to end up screwing it all up.

I'm deviating .. -sigh- Sorry, Rida, that's just what I do best. Hehe.

Anyhow .. God I love the smell of coffee on a cold winter day. It is Love.

And hot chocolate, and chocolate mochas.

And this reminds me of many winters ago, when I believed in God and fasted (or perhaps did so out of sheer fear) and would meet all my friends at this coffee shop after 6.

It was what we'd do everyday, no questions asked. And books, and the feeling of content, just sitting outside a coffee shop - sipping on mochas and smoking.

"But after a while, you realize, time flies." Takes me back to thinking about how time is an illusion we create.

And I remember spending days alone in this apartment in Philadelphia for a month. Making coffee, smoking, and then wondering what to do for the rest of the day.

Experiencing new things is something I definitely love a lot. And I want to see and experience as much as I possibly can before this life ends. And I plan on doing just that, too. My plan is already in motion.

Plan A - transfer around the world in the name of college and then work at the place I like the most.
Plan B - write a book that sells like hot cakes and enables me to go on book signings all around the world.
Plan C - create a new religion and get so rich off of it, that I go on a world tour as a public speaker.

=] I am going to be rich AND famous. Watch. Or read, actually. Or both, hmm.

*cough cough* I can't help but realize how being sick only makes me appreciate living life and not being sick, even more. Hmmm.

I hate my tonsillitis. Hate it, hate it. Right now, I feel like I'm going to end up choking on my own tonsils. And it's not a good feeling.

I feel like spending money. I love, spending money. It's the best feeling. But right now, I feel like spending it on books. I haven't even bought books for my classes yet. Ok, guilt trip. Oh well, Fight Club by Chuck Palahniuk seems like a good investment.

And I've just realized. It's like half the world is sick. Aah, the joy of knowing you're not alone =]

I just love mankind. No sarcasm. I love you people. But you have to realize, I just hate you sometimes too. Think of it as a relationship.

Transmission ends here. Come back for more. =]

Going down in flames.

The last two days have been one of the best days of my life.

I think I'm in love with New York all over again. It's not such a bad place after all.

And we went to this international student event at the UPenn Museum with all these people, and I don't remember much of what happened there either.

I can't explain or talk about why.

But with this mess in my head - and all these jumbled thoughts - it's depressing.

I've realized in the last two days how screwed up in the head Danish989 really is. It can't be described, so I'm not going to try to.

But it's true. Trust me.

I've managed to look inside myself for a minute, in my drugged state of mind last night - and all I've seen is this void, and the closest I'll get to witnessing a real black hole.

And I wouldn't want to take anyone down with me, when I do go down in flames. Which I can tell will be sooner than anyone thinks ...

The Story of Narcissus

In Greek Mythology, Narcissus was this very handsome lad in a village somewhere. Not only good looking though, he had this particular quality to himself - that women could not resist. And therefore, every female around ended up throwing her heart at him.

But only to have them thrown back, and broken in the process. And therefore, Narcissus was labelled vain.

But he had bigger things to do, so he decided to walk through the forest and have an adventure. This girl called Echo, madly in love with Narcissus, decided to follow him through it.

And so she did.

And so she did, until Narcissus could swear he heard a noise directly behind him, so he turned around. He turned around, and called out. Not once, not twice, but thrice - for whoever it was to come out and face him.

And so Echo did. And not only face him, but she ran to Narcissus and embraced him.

Only to have herself pushed away, and laughed at. And that's not all. Narcissus laughed at her and told her to scram. And so she did.

And so she did, until she reached a cave and decided to cry her heart out. And so she did.

And so she did, until all that was left of her existence was her voice, crying out in agony.

A voice that Nemesis - Greek God, heard. And decided to punish Narcissus for whatever he has done. And so he did.

And so he did, in such a manner, that when Narcissus came across a pond during his journey, he decided to stop and take a sip.

And so he did. And so he did stop by the lake and drink. But when he did, he caught a glimpse of his own reflection. And his own reflection captivated him so, that he ends up falling in love with himself.

And he stares. And he stares onto his reflection, for a long, long time, until finally realizing. Realizing that it's himself he's been staring it for so long.

And then he's grief stricken. So grief stricken in fact, that he ends up dying too. Ends up dying, laying right next to the pond, in agony, too. And then he's thrown into the furthest quarters of hell, not to return, but lay in agony there too.

And Echo's voice, apparently, decides to come see how her love is doing, that she so involuntarily managed to end up killing. And she is surprised, to not find him there, but only the very first Narcissus flower blooming by the pond instead.

But do you know what really killed Narcissus? What the grief was about?

Narcissus killed himself. And only because deep down inside - in all actuality - he hated himself. More than anyone or anything else ever could.

And so he couldn't stand being in love with the reflection of himself ...

Class Assignment

All right loyal readers and students! It's time for YOU to do something for ME for a change. Think of it as your first assignment.

I want to show a few select blog posts to my Creative Writing professor, anytime next week, and therefore, I need YOU to select a few blog posts that you think are critique worthy from a Creative Writing professor, from my blog.

I bet YOU have a few blog posts from the blog that you've liked for one reason or another? Maybe you thought they were just better written in some way? Maybe you liked the writing style I used? Or maybe you just thought it was a good read for no describable reason?

Well, then, leave me a comment, with the blog post name (And the link to the post, if you can, kthx). And why not tell me why you liked it, too?

I'm actually COUNTING ON YOU. So don't let me down.

Much love. =]

Happy Birthday, Nobi!!

=]


PS: I'm liking Vlogging.

Burn out, not fade away.

Laying in bed, blowing smoke rings, I've realized what I want.

Who am I really mad at?

I know what I want.

I want to fly up a million feet in the sky, and self destruct in a bright white light.

So everyone can witness it, maybe talk about it for a few days, and then just forget about it.

And I won't have anything to worry about anymore, because that'll be the end of my existence.

But I'll be happy in knowing, that I burned out and didn't just fade away.

The Laser Generation

(5:16 PM) - [iris]: but i really hope i get into a small family
(5:17 PM) The Devil's Advo: I don't like extended family system
(5:17 PM) - [iris]: yeah me neither
i'm sick of family politics
(5:17 PM) The Devil's Advo: I don't get what people were thinking
having so many children
(5:17 PM) - [iris]: lol i know
its almost as if
they did it all for fun
(5:18 PM) - [iris]: ooh lets have so many kids
(5:18 PM) The Devil's Advo: lol
(5:18 PM) The Devil's Advo: they obviously weren't thinking much
if anything at all
(5:18 PM) - [iris]: hmm
(5:19 PM) - [iris]: i wish we were the later generation
like the next one
(5:19 PM) The Devil's Advo: why?
(5:19 PM) - [iris]: coz our current generation is def very smart
(5:19 PM) - [iris]: it'd be a whole new diff thing
(5:20 PM) The Devil's Advo: our generation is smart?
srsly?
(5:20 PM) - [iris]: smarter?

(5:20 PM) The Devil's Advo: lol
are you sure?
(5:20 PM) - [iris]: than the previous, yeah
no?
(5:20 PM) The Devil's Advo: I don't think so
we just know more
doesn't mean it's any smarter
(5:20 PM) - [iris]: yeah we know more, so we do whats better?
(5:20 PM) The Devil's Advo: lol
no we don't
we're still the same humans
(5:21 PM) - [iris]: no see i'm talking about just a few aspects
like take the kids thing
or take
(5:21 PM) The Devil's Advo: well
first of all
(5:21 PM) - [iris]: first cousin marriages
(5:21 PM) The Devil's Advo: we can't have as many kids
because it's a lot harder to feed all of them
(5:22 PM) The Devil's Advo: and besides, there are still people
(5:22 PM) - [iris]: it was harder then too
(5:22 PM) The Devil's Advo: that mave a million kids
and even long ago
there were people that only had
two or three kids
(5:22 PM) The Devil's Advo: that hasn't really changed
(5:23 PM) - [iris]: no just think..how many of the young people today wouldnt think before having too many children?
its not about feeding them
(5:23 PM) - [iris]: its the way we think
(5:23 PM) The Devil's Advo: it has changed
but who is to say whether it's for the better
or if it's any smarter?
(5:23 PM) - [iris]: science?
(5:23 PM) The Devil's Advo: people are still stupid
science, how?
and if science isn't man made
(5:24 PM) - [iris]: well it proves everything doesnt it
the only solid proof
lol
(5:24 PM) The Devil's Advo: like what for instance?
(5:24 PM) - [iris]: people are stupid
but they are smarter
like for everyhting!
(5:24 PM) The Devil's Advo: haven't you noticed how
we still have more theories
than actual facts?
I mean sure
we're progressing
but at the wrong direction
we're only developing more and more things
to enclose our minds further
(5:25 PM) The Devil's Advo: the cognitive process as a whole, of mankind is only becoming slower and dull-er
(5:25 PM) - [iris]: how can you say that?
(5:25 PM) The Devil's Advo: how can I say that?
well, considering how
we've completely lost aim of what's important
and only focus on developing materialistically
(5:25 PM) - [iris]: isnt it better, the more we know about stuff
(5:26 PM) The Devil's Advo: what exactly do we know?
(5:26 PM) - [iris]: like
for eg
how our body works
(5:26 PM) The Devil's Advo: lol
(5:26 PM) - [iris]: thats science
and you believe in it
people didnt know
(5:26 PM) The Devil's Advo: we figured that out
a long time ago
(5:26 PM) - [iris]: what we know now
(5:26 PM) The Devil's Advo: all emphasis now
is on other things
(5:26 PM) - [iris]: like
better ways
(5:27 PM) The Devil's Advo: lol
better ways for what?
for living better?
(5:27 PM) - [iris]: lol
(5:27 PM) The Devil's Advo: and who set the standards to what living better is
or a good life is?
if you look at the mass population
general population
the majority of people
everyone is so tied up
with
(5:27 PM) The Devil's Advo: their starbuck's coffees
mocha's and latte's
and iphones
and
(5:28 PM) The Devil's Advo: tiny puppies in Dolcie and Gabanna purses
(5:28 PM) - [iris]: lol
(5:28 PM) The Devil's Advo: how are we growing any smarter?
we have completely lost focus
(5:28 PM) The Devil's Advo: if anything, right
people were much smarter back then
back in the days where Prophets were popping up every now and then
people were actually questioning things back then
wondering why we're here
(5:29 PM) The Devil's Advo: people that came up with religion
those, were the smart people
not our generation
mankind has somehow managed to completely
deviate
and just shrink our brain capacities
and our cognitive abilities
(5:29 PM) The Devil's Advo: next to none
if anything, we have evolved backwards
(5:29 PM) - [iris]: lol
(5:30 PM) - [iris]: you're just talking about a few aspects
(5:30 PM) The Devil's Advo: a few aspects?
I'm talking about the bigger picture here
(5:30 PM) The Devil's Advo: you're talking about tiny things like the human body
and us
(5:30 PM) - [iris]: lol that was just an example
(5:30 PM) The Devil's Advo: but this isn't just it
(5:30 PM) - [iris]: but
(5:30 PM) The Devil's Advo: human science isn't just it
there's so much more
that we aren't even aware of
and we aren't questioning it
philosophy
is just a subject taught as an elective in college, now
(5:31 PM) The Devil's Advo: Buddhaism is just a hip way of talking about people wearing orange robes and sporting bald heads
you know what I'm saying?
(5:31 PM) The Devil's Advo: The Secret
is just a coffee table book
you pick it up, skim through it
tell your girlfriends about it
they all go out and get it
and suddenly everyone is smarter
(5:31 PM) The Devil's Advo: we've all
0o0o0o, unraveled the secrets and mysteries of the unknown
by reading horse crap
that we should've individually
figured out ourselves
but we can't
(5:32 PM) The Devil's Advo: because then who is going to watch the episode of Oops I'm a celebrity, get me out of here?
(5:32 PM) - [iris]: loll
(5:32 PM) The Devil's Advo: And vote for that guy with the blonde hair on American Idol?
We will
so who needs to figure out why we're here
at least we have our iphones telling us the weather for the next 5 days.
(5:33 PM) - [iris]: its just because life's become so much more easier
(5:34 PM) The Devil's Advo: It hasn't become easier
we've made it easier for ourselves
just completely believing in religion
and that's it
our duty's done
we're praying five times a day
and attending church on sunday
end of story
(5:34 PM) The Devil's Advo: just because everyone else belives in it
and has, for so many years
it's gotta be right, right?
no doubt about it
a million people can't be wrong?
(5:35 PM) - [iris]: its not about a million people its about individual faith
i agree you cant do much about what faith youre born into
(5:35 PM) - [iris]: but reading/learning about other religions..its not hard to figure out whats right and wrong
(5:35 PM) The Devil's Advo: that's one of the problems
our cognitive crest
the limit
it ends right there
organized religion
people aren't even aware
(5:36 PM) The Devil's Advo: that there is so much more
We've somehow managed to
describe God
(5:36 PM) The Devil's Advo: in a few hundred pages, isn't it?
In our books and what not
and that's it
We have the definition down
memorized it
now it's just blind faith to take care off, and we're made
one way ticket to heaven
(5:37 PM) The Devil's Advo: what about things religion doesn't answer?
I don't get how so many people say
Religion answers all questions
it doesn't
really
(5:37 PM) The Devil's Advo: because we're not aware of most questions to begin with
(5:37 PM) - [iris]: like?
(5:37 PM) The Devil's Advo: and plus
what about the questions it raises in itself?
Like God for instance
if he's so merciful
why'd he completely banish Lucifer?
(5:38 PM) The Devil's Advo: Why did he create hell?
Hell, where we're going to rot and burn and be in immense agony
How could God have created hell?
If he did
then he's no Saint now is he?
(5:38 PM) The Devil's Advo: Kicked lucifer out
couldn't he have forgiven him?
(5:38 PM) - [iris]: lucifer never asked
(5:39 PM) The Devil's Advo: lol
(5:39 PM) - [iris]: for forgiveness
(5:39 PM) The Devil's Advo: and we know this for certain how?
blind faith?
how do we know for certain lucifer even existed?
(5:39 PM) - [iris]: how do you know lucifer exists then?
lol
(5:39 PM) The Devil's Advo: exactly
how do we know Eden ever existed?
History is like Religion, right
(5:39 PM) The Devil's Advo: and History is the version of past events that people have decided to agree upon
that's it
I'm not saying God doesn't exist
I'm not
(5:40 PM) - [iris]: there are witnesses
(5:40 PM) The Devil's Advo: that's just sheer ignorance
witnesses?
There were witnesses to OJ Simpson's trial too
he walked a free man
(5:40 PM) The Devil's Advo: but here's what I'm saying
I think mankind
trying to somehow define God
is plain stupid
but we did, we did it through religion
(5:41 PM) The Devil's Advo: The same thing Shakespeare did with 'Love'
define it so well, that everyone now has the same answer
if you ask them what Love is.
(5:41 PM) The Devil's Advo: but deep down inside everyone should realize
no one is certain what Love is
and you know what's even worse?
(5:42 PM) The Devil's Advo: if you take the way I think for Atheism
(5:42 PM) - [iris]: i know that you know god exists
(5:42 PM) The Devil's Advo: I don't know, God exists
I haven't ever met him
but
there are chances he does
and perhaps it's just me making things simpler for myself
saying there's a God, who created everything
(5:43 PM) The Devil's Advo: just so I'm not forever stuck with the riddle
of why we're here, and what we're supposed to be doing
(5:43 PM) The Devil's Advo: it all comes down to that
people making things easier for themselves
with things like Destiny, Fate, Luck, Love and Religion
(5:44 PM) - [iris]: but what if there really is a god
just like how they say it
and a hell
where you go if you dont follow the rules
are you willing to take the chance
(5:44 PM) The Devil's Advo: Of course I am
they also say He is the most merciful and most forgiving, right?
I have all right to take a chance
(5:44 PM) - [iris]: not for the non believers
he isnt
(5:44 PM) The Devil's Advo: And besides, how stupid is it if you don't question and try figuring out?
lol
(5:44 PM) - [iris]: that why he wasnt forgiving with lucifer
(5:45 PM) The Devil's Advo: that's just so convenient isn't it?
You either follow religion, or you don't. And if you don't you're going to hell.
Makes me think how
(5:45 PM) The Devil's Advo: whoever came up with religion
or the group of people
such smartasses
that there is simply no way out
no way of thinking 'outside the box'
no way of questioning
(5:45 PM) The Devil's Advo: you're stuck, that's it
(5:45 PM) - [iris]: you're not even sure
(5:45 PM) The Devil's Advo: right at birth, too
(5:45 PM) - [iris]: if 'people' came out with religion
(5:46 PM) The Devil's Advo: Why else do you think I question?
Are you sure they didn't?
(5:46 PM) - [iris]: i'm sure they just didnt think of it out of boredom
(5:46 PM) The Devil's Advo: of course not
they thought it up to make things easier for everyone
but everyone just took it the wrong way
(5:47 PM) - [iris]: i doubt they were that smart
if so many people
believed just one man
blindly
(5:47 PM) The Devil's Advo: lol
but we have, haven't we?
All of our Prophets?
One person.
(5:47 PM) - [iris]: that's what im saying
(5:47 PM) The Devil's Advo: through out history
(5:47 PM) - [iris]: there must have been
some reason
why ALL of them
beleived just one
(5:48 PM) The Devil's Advo: all the more convinent, don't you think?
(5:48 PM) - [iris]: but
they already had their god
to believe in
their deities
(5:48 PM) The Devil's Advo: yes, but don't you see how
say for example
the Gods they worshipped before Islam
Horus, Ra, right?
There must've been some other God, even before
Horus and Ra, right?
And when Horus came along
(5:49 PM) The Devil's Advo: the God that was already there, ended up being the Bad guy
to make way for Horus
and that's just what keeps on going through out history
until it ended up at
Hindu-ism, Christainity, and Islam
(5:49 PM) The Devil's Advo: I'm just saying
why is it wrong to question?
To try thinking for yourself?
(5:51 PM) - [iris]: its maybe coz there have been so many signs, and so many people sent to you, and now its upto you to believe
(5:52 PM) The Devil's Advo: no matter how many people have been sent and what not
at the end of the day
why does it all end at blind faith?
(5:52 PM) The Devil's Advo: there is no definite, tangible, visible, proof
Why?
Are we not deserving enough?
It makes no logical sense, yes
(5:52 PM) The Devil's Advo: but even if I do choose to believe in God
I'd want it to make sense
rather than just blind faith
(5:54 PM) - [iris]: yeah point but how will we ever know whats right?
theres no way
(6:13 PM) The Devil's Advo: you think it's impossible?
(6:13 PM) - [iris]: yeah
do you think
people havent tried?
(6:14 PM) The Devil's Advo: but isn't everything, until someone goes ahead and does it?
oh but that doesn't mean we just give up and stop does it?


Does it?