If you say so, love.

I’ve spoken about being self sabotaging, a lot.

Also, of being careless, and irresponsible.

I let everyone know just how guile I am. Just how two faced, and reckless.

A proper dosage, really.

I say it out loud, I try expressing it to the best I can.

Like sand. I’ve written it about it numerous times. So that it won’t go away, and be there always.

About not knowing what I want, but wanting everything – so I can take my pick.

Agnostic. On the bench. About most things. Or everything, if you say so.

I’m getting predictable, say the masses. And why wouldn’t I, when you put your eyes on me and refuse to look the other way.

Why wouldn’t I, when I want just that?

It’s like leading this nation. This nation of people, this pool of humans. You, and everyone else I can manage to. But not to lead, but to learn something from. And I do, I really do.

It’s you, that has taught me everything I know. All of it. So I try giving it back somehow, to the best I can. But it never works in the favor of the messenger.

I try to prove, to the best I can, how messed up humans really are. How messed up the human mind really is.

But if only things worked that way, yeah?

But if only you were any different, yeah?

But if only I knew any better, yeah?

But if only I really was who you expect me to be, yeah?

If only you didn’t put me in a chair so high, that I couldn’t help but fall off of it… yeah?

And fall so deep each time, that I wouldn’t want to climb back up … yeah.

If only my mind was in the right place. And not all over the place.

If there wasn’t so much to learn from everything. From all of this.

If only you could keep me in your palm, I would love to have sat right there – and wouldn’t ever even contemplate moving.

Does that make you wonder if I will?

Why are you so predictable, world?

Why are you so cold, harsh, and similar to each other?

I have a feeling, my search will continue. And continue. And continue.

Forever perhaps.

Until the world is colder. Darker. Lonelier.

And until this ends.

Till death do us part, perhaps.

The only thing that set you apart. The others all left.

See the similarity yet? The predictability yet?

Things will happen if they’re meant to happen.

If you say so, love.