Self inflicted scars.

We were walking together, watching the waves crash into each other. The birds sang, as we walked together, acknowledging each other's presence, wanting to hold hands, but not doing so. In our heads, we knew, how much we'd both love that. Being able to be, what we were once.

A group of children ran by, happy and content with life. The weather was perfect. It was warm, and a breeze would visit every now and then. Her hair flew each time it did, and I couldn't help but stare. She acted oblivious, but I knew she knew. She just wouldn't show it, but in her mind she blushed. And her cheeks showed it.

Everything was perfect. Except for the lump in my throat, that would find it's way there, every now and then. Except for the churning in my stomach, the gloom I felt inside my chest. Which would always find it's way, somehow, every now and then. I tried ignoring it, and it worked to a certain extent. But in our minds we knew we wanted it so bad. To be able to hold hands, and just walk, and indulge in conversations we didn't want to have. Conversations we hated, but smiled involuntarily anyway.

We walked to the benches, and decided to sit down. The wind blew, the clouds parted, the sun shone brighter. The waves continued to collide, the sea breeze, like lemonade on a hot day. Birds of all kinds came to see. We didn't know what to call them, but we named names. It was cute, and everything we'd wanted, but we weren't holding hands. In our minds, we wanted to. We wanted to hold hands, to connect physically, on the level we connected on mentally. Spiritually. But we couldn't. We wouldn't. We shouldn't.

We shouldn't have. But it was all over. As abruptly as it started. We held hands. We kissed, we cried, we laughed together, voluntarily now, and we stared in each others eyes. We looked. We saw the ages we had gone through together. The times we had shared, the feelings we had once experienced. But the lump wouldn't go away. The void couldn't be filled anymore. We struggled to decide, whether it was true or not. Whether we were just playing games with each other. We probably were.

She cried as we walked, not uttering anymore words. Made our way back to where we came from. The waves had stopped, and the sun was clouded. The sunshine had disappeared, and the birds weren't singing anymore. The only sounds that fell in my years were the cries and whimpers of a heart broken. Not by anyone else, for time mends scars caused by other people. These were self inflicted scars, and self inflicted damage that would never go away. We both knew it, in our minds. But we had denied it for so long. We would disagree on agreeing, and we would agree to disagree.
For so long it had worked. But the lump wouldn't go away, there was nothing that could settle in the void.

It was all over. The last drop of tears, her and mine, we promised ourselves would be the last bit of emotions we felt for each other. At least I did. Forever, I decided.

We walked, and she insisted on holding hands. Insisted on making things work. Insisted on the waves to start moving again, for the birds to start singing again, for the sun to shine again. But it wouldn't work. The lump was permanent now, and the void would go on forever.

And it wasn't the first end we had experienced. It was one of many. But the last of it's kind.

Riddle me this.

Bad things aren't limited to bad people.
Bad things happen to good people too. And good things happen to bad people, too.

So what is to stop someone from being bad? Where is the motivation to being good?

I've seen doing things the wrong way has achieved far better results anyway. Tricking people into things is easier and takes lesser time, than explaining things. It's funny.

But everything happens for a reason right? So according to that, all the idiots and stupid people in the world were born, just so smart people could take advantage of them and help themselves.

It goes without saying, not like that hasn't been happening for as long as we've had planet Earth.

Does Karma exist? Really? If it does, than it's definitely broken and God hasn't gotten around to fixing it yet.

Even if we believe in God or not, how exactly is it changing anything? Atheists are still alive and well, and that too in the life that we're certain of. How is that fair?

We are handed our religions are birth, we rarely get to choose them, and whatever we're taught at an early age, we'd rather stick with that, right? Can't treason against God and religion, not most people do. Then how is it someone's fault if he's born to a religion that isn't the "right" one, and doesn't have the Real God directing it?

If I come clean, I have to say; I probably wouldn't be a muslim if I wasn't born in a muslim household. Does that mean I'd be going to hell, and wouldn't get 72 virgins? How would it be my fault, anyway?

Fin.

Michael Jackson

How does the world's best selling artist's life end like it did?

The reason he was going ahead with the last concert? To pay off debt and bills, and to survive.

Reminds me of Mozart - another genius that met death without riches, even after contributing so much to the world.

MJ, they say he wasn't eating anymore, cancer was taking over his body, he was hooked to various painkillers, and investigation after his death shows how needle marks covered his whole body.

It's a pity. The man who owned empires and lived like a King, had to go this way.

Covered in debt, and struggling to survive.

R.I.P.

Bored.

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/ - Danish. /
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Cute

The irony.

Cute girls are not single, BECAUSE they are cute. What the hell?

Almost every cute girl has a boyfriend already. BECAUSE she's cute! What the hell?

Not only the 'good looking' cute. I mean the overall cute. Cute in every way, cute.

How hard is it then, to look for a single cute female? Very.

*sigh*
Depressing.

Grassy Knolls.

::

I was just reading back to 2003, all my old posts and what not, and I've realized. It's amusing, the pace life is going at. Living in first person, it may not seem that way. But take a step back, and watch it pass you by .. we're circling the sun, and it's pretty much a big deal. We just don't realize it, we're too busy circling things ourselves.

I'm having this mood-swing thing, I can't describe it. Somehow, I just feel like I'm missing out on something, somewhere. There's this gap, inside my soul - as lame as that sounds, but I can't fill it. Does that make any sense to anyone?

So I stop to wonder. What is it, that I don't have? There's nothing I don't have. I have everything I could want... everything realistic, anyway. Here are some things I still want;

The ability to fly. I would love, just taking off, landing feet away from population. Looking over the world, closer to the stars than everyone below me. That's why I probably keep seeing skies and airplanes in my dreams. And why my photo gallery consists of more sky photos, than, well, other things.

The ability to read minds. See people for what they really are. I fail at that. All ways, all the time, no lie. Not because I can't tell when a person is actually nice on the inside, no. I fail at that, because I take humans to be peaceful, happy and kind people. But it always turns out the other way around. Ironic?

I've realized, the reason we don't have world peace - is not because we're different. It's because we're all so alike, sheep that we are. And we'll kill each other for each last bit and strand of grass.

"We make war, that we may live in peace."


...

I don't know what I was writing about, or why. I can read what I was writing - but it's lost it's meaning. *Sigh*

I used to be such an idiot. I've changed though ... I've realized how desperate for attention I was ... was? ... I've changed though ... right?

See, I kept begging people to email me. In every, God-damn post. Every post. 22 posts in an year, and I've actually asked the following question a number of times;

"Does anyone even read this stuff?"

But I kept going, for who knows what reason. And now I have 5-6 years of blog posts. Maybe I really was writing for myself. That's the only logical explanation I can come up with.

I would've made such good friends with Aristotle. Or Socrates. Or Machiavelli, actually. Would've learned a lot. Things books can't teach. Yes, there exist things like that.

How about a little random, this and that?

~~

Nom, nom, nom.
Scooters, vacation, fall. April. *sigh*


It's quiet, but in my mind, I shout
It's lonely now, where I lie about
I lay alone, on this grassy knoll
though we walked together, when I set out

star gazing, you're never really alone
around you lays the rest of the night
dark sky, the real reason stars shine
we just don't see beyond their light


::


Remember the Sopranos series finale?

Tobacco

Obama signs historic tobacco law

http://news.yahoo.com/s/afp/20090622/pl_afp/healthuspoliticstobaccoobama
by Stephen Collinson – 41 mins ago

WASHINGTON (AFP) – US President Barack Obama Monday signed into law a bill giving the government historic powers to curb cigarette makers, declaring the move emblematic of the change he is bringing to Washington.
Obama affixed his signature to the measure with a nod to his own struggles to kick the habit, and lamented the fact that 1,000 people under the age of 18 become regular smokers every day, courting a range of grave health risks.
"I know, I was one of these teenagers, and so I know how difficult it can be to break this habit when it's been with you for a long time," Obama said.
"I also know that kids today don't just start smoking for no reason -- they're aggressively targeted as customers by the tobacco industry.
"They're exposed to a constant and insidious barrage of advertising where they live, where they learn, and where they play."
The law grants the Food and Drug Administration (FDA), a regulatory body, the authority to ban flavorings added to some tobacco products and require tough new warning labels, in a bid to lessen tobacco use among young people.
Obama argued that the bill's passage was just the latest sign that he was living up to his promise to forge fundamental political reform.
"When I ran for president, I did so because I believed that, despite the power of the status quo and the influence of special interests, it was possible for us to bring change to Washington," Obama said.
"And today, despite decades of lobbying and advertising by the tobacco industry, we passed a law to help protect the next generation of Americans from growing up with a deadly habit that so many of our generation have lived with."
Under the new law, the FDA will create a new Center for Tobacco Products to oversee the science-based regulation of tobacco products in the United States.
It bans cigarettes dominantly flavored with candy, fruit and spice by October this year, and forces tobacco firms and importers to submit information to the FDA about ingredients and additives in tobacco products.
The measure places strict limits on tobacco advertising in publications with a significant teenage readership, and bans the use of words like "mild" or "light" in advertisements that make tobacco products seem safer.
The FDA will now be required to enforce a rule banning all outdoor tobacco advertising within 1,000 feet of schools and playgrounds, and the bill ends all tobacco-brand sponsorship of sport and entertainment events.
Under the measure, tobacco companies must disclose to the FDA the ingredients in their products, and allow the agency to require changes to protect public health, though not to reduce nicotine content to zero or ban a class of tobacco products.
Larger and more specific health warnings will now have to cover the top third of the front and rear panels of tobacco product packages and the FDA will have the power to require graphic warning labels that cover half of the front and rear panels.
The bill was backed by health groups like the American Cancer Society, the American Heart Association and the American Lung Association for its curbs on smoking, the number one cause of preventable death in the United States.
Senator Edward Kennedy, who is battling brain cancer, warmly welcomed the bill's passage into law, after years of fighting to protect children from tobacco advertising.
"Decade after decade, Big Tobacco has seduced millions of teenagers into lifetimes of addiction and premature death," Kennedy said.
"Enactment of this legislation will finally put a stop to that.
"It is truly a life-saving act, and a welcome demonstration that this Congress is capable of enacting major health reform."
Obama has fought a public battle to give up smoking, and promised his wife he would quit when he ran for president -- but he has admitted succumbing to the occasional cigarette several times since.
Obama's spokesman Robert Gibbs on Monday said he had not asked the president whether he was still smoking.

The road not travelled by anymore

The one thing I found that could make me happy, and that was ruined too, not too long ago.
The one thing I thought was worth living for, and spending an eternity fighting for, and throwing myself away for. And you ruined it. Forever, presumably.

And now I have nothing left. It's ironic - I've never been sad and happy about something at the same time before. Thanks a lot, though, my eyes are open now. And I'm not going back.

let go of expectations, Close all the doors,
nothing will pass through here anymore
can't expect anyone to come along
nothing left here for anyone to come looking for

Perfect Circle - 3 Libras.

threw you the obvious
and you flew with it on your back,
a name in your recollection,
thrown down among a million same.

difficult not to feel a little bit, disappointed
and passed over
when i've looked right through
to see you naked and oblivious

and you don't
see
me

but I threw you the obvious
just to see if there's more behind the eyes
of a fallen angel,
the eyes of a tragedy.

here I am expecting just a little bit
too much from
the wounded.

but I see through it all
and see you.

so I threw you the obvious
to see what occurs
behind the eyes of a fallen angel,
eyes of a tragedy.

Oh, well. Apparently nothing.

you don't see me.
you don't see me at all.

Anger Management.

Fuck this. Seriously.

Fuck the world, fuck everything. Fuck our existence, fuck why we're here. Does it even matter? Why we're here? No, it doesn't. We should just fucking give up. Give up, looking for an answer. Seriously.

I mean - fuck the world, fuck everyone in it. No one really gives a shit, we're all leading everyone else down into the drain.

Fuck trust, fuck respect, fuck everything. Fuck the world.

Fuck the law, fuck the government. Fuck the Illuminati.

Fuck Socrates, fuck Chuck Palahniuk and Stephen King, fuck Slipknot.

Fuck everyone and everything, it doesn't fucking matter anymore - everything's a fucking lie, and everyone's a fucking hypocrite.

Fuck this blog, fuck your blog, fuck everyone else's blog.

Fuck technology, fuck spirituality, fuck karma, and fuck this all.

Fuck love, fuck fidelity, fuck information technology, fuck this all.

Fuck myspace, facebook, starbucks, iphones, and Paris Hilton.

Fuck your mocha latte, fuck tall and grande', fuck it all.

Fuck, this, shit.

Oh, and fuck my thoughts, opinions, and Fuck Me. I'm nothing more than a fucking pessimist that would love seeing everything going down in flames.

Nicotine.

It's funny how people lie. Specially people in charge, in control, people with power. Power is corrupting, Abraham Lincoln agreed. It's what got John F. Kennedy killed.

It's amazing, really, how they fed our brains with lies, at such an early stage. Childhood, to be precise. Science class, to be exact. Darwin's theory of evolution, to pin point.

Didn't force these ideas, but so cleverly programmed and fed them to us. And the human brain is only so sufficient, we need not question, right? We never do. No one ever does. It's the blindfolds that are strapped across our sight, before we can even open our mouths to protest. It's sheer genius, really.

My science book told me, Nicotine - most commonly found in cigarettes - is harmful to the body. Years after that, I find an article stating facts that no one is ever told. About how nicotine is actually an organic substance, commonly found in tomatoes, to be precise, and makes up our daily digestion process, and food intake. You don't say.

It's funny really, but I never quite got how anything that just naturally grows, sprouts out from under the dirt, could ever be harmful. Marijuana for instance. But let's put aside illegal drugs for a minute, and talk about the drugs that kill us, but are sold widely across the world. And ironically, Marijuana, that is proven to NOT be harmful at all (except for the THC which is easily filtered out via water pipes) is banned, illegal, and shunned from society. It's funny, really.

But here's the deal, right. Cigarettes equal big money. Economical growth, in fact. They've been making them and selling them for all these years, in a way, making money via the deaths of smokers all across the world. Think Iraq, but on a longer term.

Coming back to my argument, tomatoes actually contain nicotine. In FACT, Digest this:

"nicotine in its natural form is totally non-toxic. In fact, there is nicotine in tomatoes and potatoes and it is hence consumed every day.

There have been a number of research studies to test the effects of the natural nicotine as depression medication and the overall verdict is that it is indeed helpful in reversing depression successfully."

Fact: Nicotine is safe and non toxic
Fact – We consume it everyday

It’s present in many common foods such as potatoes, tomatoes chillies and tea

Fact – Nicotine is good for you.

It improves memory, concentration and mood, by influencing the neuro transmitters in the brain and is the subject of intense medical research, to treat diseases such as
Parkinson’s and Altzeimer’s Disease, depression and Attention disorders.

I'm speechless. Now, one could argue, that facts such as these are not yet universally known. Not a lot of people know about things like this.

But then again; Why the fuck not?

My science book, was ages ago. Research such as this, was probably not done back then. Right? Marijuana was illegalized ages ago. Are you telling me it has changed over the years? Evolved maybe, right? Darwinized, correct?

Wrong.

There are only SEVEN people in the United States right now that can smoke Marijuana freely, wherever they want. Medical Marijuana, to be exact, but seriously - what difference does a name make?

Irv Rosenfeld's been smoking "Medical" Marijuana for 25 years of his life. He is alive, and well, and has been in the top shape for years. Watch his testimony here and Read all about him here.

He has no lung problems, his body works perfectly. In fact, he had a birth defect, concerning his bones (I'm not sure of the details but the links posted above has all the info covered) and Marijuana has been the only 'drug' that's helped him survive all these years. Fact. His body, after smoking Marijuana for 25 years, has been in way better shape, than the bodies of people that have smoked Cigarettes for, say, less than 15 years.

I just said cigarettes are bad, in an article I'm posting, claiming Nicotine to be unharmful. Well, here's some more facts.


Cigarettes contain MORE than 4000 chemicals in them. Which include Pesticides, Tar, Ammonia, Carbon Monoxide and Arsenic (rat poison), to name a few.


Is Nicotine Good For The Heart?

I'm just going to sum this up, by asking you to pray and hope with me - that mankind DOES actually evolve. Evolve, from the idiots that we have been. Hope with me, for a smarter future (which is hard to imagine, really, considering what we've put ourselves, and everyone else through, all these years.) And if that's not possible, let's hope mankind can survive with all this stupidity, caused by ignorance and the inability to even ask questions. Instead, we all follow - I hate to say it over and over - like Sheep.

Fear of finding out, and then bearing the responsibility? Is that even possible?

Crazier things have happened so far.

Urban Definitions, anyone?

As I suffer from nicotine withdrawal syndrome (Anger, headache-ness, frustration at everything, unable to properly function), I feel like deviating my focus from that particular pain in the neck, to something ... well, else.

Bear in mind, my brain is NOT working properly at the moment. As I wait for some food, and ponder the whereabouts of my fucked up topyfying bastard friends, I surf urban definitions, and here I present them to you. Because of the sheer genius with which they were thought up. Am I making any sense, by the way? Because I can't tell.

chai anxiety
Feeling overwhelmed by the ridiculous number of options at the coffee shop.
Venti? Double soy-based foam? A shot of what? Yeesh I have chai anxiety -- I need some caffeine!

Caps Lock Voice
When a normally calm person has to raise their voice and use an authortative tone. It is the equivalent to using the caps lock key in the digital world.
Sara tried to get an attitude with me yesterday and I had to turn on my caps lock voice and put her in check.
Chris was being run over at work, so Jason told him it was time to turn on his caps lock voice.


Neighbornet
What you get when you connect to your neighbor's wireless (or wired, for that matter) internet, with or without his or her knowledge.
Didja hear? Johnny connected his wireless ethernet card to his neighbor's wireless network, and now he's got neighbornet!

missing link
A man who is covered head to toe with thick and wiry hair. He's so hairy, he's the missing link that connects humans to apes.

Life Password
The password that you use for every website, email account, facebook, twitter, everything. Having a 'life password' is not a good idea, but everyone does it.

Facebookemon
The term used for the collection of people, on your Facebook friends list, that you don’t actually talk to or know in real life. Related to popular tv program and game pokeamon, where the aim is to collect as many diffrent Pocket Monsters as possible.
Dave - "Hey, my friends collection is getting up to two hundred"

Steve - "How many do you really know? go admit it, most of them are Facebookemon"

John - "Gotta catch em all, gotta catch em all"

Social Notworking
The practice of spending time unproductively on social-networking websites, especially when one should be working.
Joe - Hey, Mark is constantly updating his Facebook status, does he not have any work to do?

John - His company obviously doesnt realise how much Social Notworking he is doing!

Lifeless

I never thought Riyadh would be so ... lifeless.

There is absolutely NOTHING to do in this country. Seriously.

Someone do something interesting =(

Tell me about?

You know what's hilarious?

Writer's block.

This book lays on the table as I write this, called "Tell me about?" And under the title, it says "Who was king of the franks?", "What is a pangolin?", "Can plants feel?"

"Answers to hundreds of questions."

This is probably why books say "Best Selling" and the list is called that too. It's never "Best Author" or "This book was on top of the New York's very well written list!"

Best Selling. Selling. And this book on my table had that potential - which prompted the publishers to warm up the printers.

But my question to you is - who gives a flying fuck about the king of the franks? The only franks I'm concerned with are the ones in between my hot dog bun.

Because I've realized, that information like that bears no fruits, has no use.

Because it's all about the green. Best selling, not best written. Do not forget.

Trying to make myself happy.

butterscotch. name, not the flavor.

cookie dough.

cookies and cream.

colors.

yellow, orange.

the sky.

blue.

more colors.

Colors we don't know of yet .. hmm .. are there? More colors that those, that we know of?

The sky. Clouds. Lots of grass. And infinite sky. 1:1 sky-grass ratio.

Water. Enough to drink, too little to drown in.

Music. Guitars.

Beautiful women.

Love.

Chocolate.

Sugar.

Soda.

Black.

Darkness.

Loneliness.

... definitely deviating ...

losing control of thoughts. definitely bipolar.

Chocolate milk - spilled on brother's laptop. Shit.

Focus. Let's get to "Fuck, Yes!" What's that? You shall find out.

I'm still alive.

"Is something wrong?" she said.
Of course, there is.
"You're still alive," she said.
Oh, and do I deserve to be? Is that the question? And if so, who answers?

"I hope that girl hurts you more than I did," she said.

Compassion.

Saw someone else's blog today, which is rare, really, but Wijdan called it 'kinda funny' so I had to check it out.

There, I found this quiz, and since I love quizzes, I took it. Here's my result:

People Envy Your Compassion

You have a kind heart and an unusual empathy for all living creatures. You tend to absorb others' happiness and pain.
People envy your compassion, and more importantly, the connections it helps you build. And compassionate as you are, you feel for them.

The funny thing is, I have a feeling I'm a little too compassionate. Too compassionate for my own good, in fact. Irony works that way, and karma is a myth.

?

Experiment.

If you came and saw this post by yourself, please leave a comment WITH your name.

Thanks.