The nightmares have gotten a lot more vivid since the last time.
Dreams of being hurt by her, while being torn in between a broken self esteem and a pathetic desire to be desired.
You are consumed by whatever has your attention. It's a pity I don't have enough control over my own thoughts, or I wouldn't be constantly hurting myself like this.
Coupled by the fact that proper sleep is a luxury I haven't enjoyed in months.
How would I? Stay up to toss and turn with clenched fists, unable to forget everything that happened, like a broken record, the needle scratching the insides of my head and making every sensation hurt.
Over and over and over.
The little sleep that I do manage to sneak in only makes me regret ever trying, to begin with. Dreams of how things could've been even worse then they were, or perhaps the exact same as they were and my memory just isn't as great as I would like to think so.
I wish to completely forget about everything. I wish to forget about where I was, and never go back. I wish to start completely over.
It pains me greatly to think how the dynamics of our acquaintanceship changed. It pains me to feel the polar opposite of how I used to when I used to think about you.
It pains me to know that it had to come to this, things could've been different. I didn't want to feel this way, I never have, but if only you had left me any other choice.
I wasn't asking for too much.
It's just not fair... Why do I constantly feel like shit, and not have the will to look forward to anything anymore?
I fucking hate you more than I've ever hated anything else.
Dreams of being hurt by her, while being torn in between a broken self esteem and a pathetic desire to be desired.
You are consumed by whatever has your attention. It's a pity I don't have enough control over my own thoughts, or I wouldn't be constantly hurting myself like this.
Coupled by the fact that proper sleep is a luxury I haven't enjoyed in months.
How would I? Stay up to toss and turn with clenched fists, unable to forget everything that happened, like a broken record, the needle scratching the insides of my head and making every sensation hurt.
Over and over and over.
The little sleep that I do manage to sneak in only makes me regret ever trying, to begin with. Dreams of how things could've been even worse then they were, or perhaps the exact same as they were and my memory just isn't as great as I would like to think so.
I wish to completely forget about everything. I wish to forget about where I was, and never go back. I wish to start completely over.
It pains me greatly to think how the dynamics of our acquaintanceship changed. It pains me to feel the polar opposite of how I used to when I used to think about you.
It pains me to know that it had to come to this, things could've been different. I didn't want to feel this way, I never have, but if only you had left me any other choice.
I wasn't asking for too much.
It's just not fair... Why do I constantly feel like shit, and not have the will to look forward to anything anymore?
I fucking hate you more than I've ever hated anything else.
No comments:
Post a Comment