In my nightmares, I'm mostly in Riyadh. The backdrop and lighting is almost always dark red or maroon. I wake up depressed, and as if I've witnessed or experienced something deeply disturbing. I feel sick to the stomach, and very sad.
The nightmares come and go, though. Every now and then, sometimes multiple ones in a night. Sometimes they're just dreams and not that overwhelming even - but it surprises me each time when that happens and I wake up feeling just as depressed as I would if it weren't just a simple dream.
I'll wake up humming an old tune, something I heard when I was growing up. So I'll put my headphones on and revisit it for a few minutes. Sometimes I wake up humming to something I've already revisited a day or two ago. Sometimes I wake up and hum something I haven't thought about in a while, and then I revisit it. It's very weird. I'm kinda confused.
Every book I read gives me an analogy, or reference that I can't get over for a few days. That's why I like good works of art and the sort - they leave imprints on your brain for a while. At least for me they always have. I find it hard to let go of grasping subjects and details from any story. Even if it's fictitious, but not only if.
I read Farenheit 451 by Ray Bradbury a few days ago. I can compare myself to Guy Montag in this situation then - just because of the confusion.
I might just be homesick. Not so much that I'm sick of not being home, but that the thoughts of going back home are making me sick. I don't know.
I'm anxious and nervous to going back to my previous lifestyle for various reasons. Mostly alienation.
I remember the last couple of times I went back home, and things were completely different for some reason.
I hate the fact that I can't just write whatever I want here. I also hate not being able to say what I want, when I want to. This has got me into trouble in the past, and I'm afraid of it getting me in trouble again, especially when I go back home.
The nightmares come and go, though. Every now and then, sometimes multiple ones in a night. Sometimes they're just dreams and not that overwhelming even - but it surprises me each time when that happens and I wake up feeling just as depressed as I would if it weren't just a simple dream.
I'll wake up humming an old tune, something I heard when I was growing up. So I'll put my headphones on and revisit it for a few minutes. Sometimes I wake up humming to something I've already revisited a day or two ago. Sometimes I wake up and hum something I haven't thought about in a while, and then I revisit it. It's very weird. I'm kinda confused.
Every book I read gives me an analogy, or reference that I can't get over for a few days. That's why I like good works of art and the sort - they leave imprints on your brain for a while. At least for me they always have. I find it hard to let go of grasping subjects and details from any story. Even if it's fictitious, but not only if.
I read Farenheit 451 by Ray Bradbury a few days ago. I can compare myself to Guy Montag in this situation then - just because of the confusion.
I might just be homesick. Not so much that I'm sick of not being home, but that the thoughts of going back home are making me sick. I don't know.
I'm anxious and nervous to going back to my previous lifestyle for various reasons. Mostly alienation.
I remember the last couple of times I went back home, and things were completely different for some reason.
I hate the fact that I can't just write whatever I want here. I also hate not being able to say what I want, when I want to. This has got me into trouble in the past, and I'm afraid of it getting me in trouble again, especially when I go back home.
A question that sometimes drives me hazy,
Am I, or are the others crazy?
1 comment:
The others are...
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