Loose Ends

I don't know what to say .. I don't know what to write ..

This is the 100th post .. and it was supposed to be a big happy one, but .. no, it's not a sad one either.

*writer's block*

I'm editing this post .. I deleted what I wrote here yesterday, and I'm going to start over today from this point ..

I have a list I'd like to make here .. to share a little wisdom, or to just give some insight on how I see things. Some points, that I've noticed reign true in life:

• "If you love something, set it free. If it comes back, it was meant to be" is a quote straight from the books ... and only for, the books. In reality, even if you set your 'love' free, and it does come back? You're going to kill it yourself ...
• I push away everything I have. I've pushed away my parents. I'm pushing away my friends. I've pushed away everything I always wanted ... and I'm pushing away life ...
• Happiness is just a state of mind. True happiness doesn't exist. There is no true happiness. You can not achieve true happiness. It's a myth .. a lie.
• They say time teaches you everything ... however one thing it can never teach you is not to be hurt. No matter how many times you've been hurt, whenever something happens to hurt you .. it feels new all over again ..
• It's fear that gives men wings. It's also fear that takes away from you everything you have ... fear turns into anger ... anger ends with regret ...
• There is no 'undo' button ... yes, you learn from your mistakes. But there's no going back. Only forward ... to make more mistakes, eventually.
• Life is a lesson ... you learn it when you're through.
• Only love can heal a wounded heart. And why not? It's love that wounds it to begin with.
• In this time, in this world, you have to learn not to love someone a 100% .. not to submit completely, not to give in to love, not to trust ... don't make that mistake. And since love has been altered like that, it's not 'love' anymore ... true love doesn't exist.
• People that are close to you claim they'll stay with you even when you're sad ... that's a lie. Don't show people you're weakness ... don't show them you're hurt, vulnerable, and sad .. you'll either be taken advantage of, or left alone with your vulnerability ...
• People fail to notice, it's depression and fear that's the root of all anger. When someone's angry at you, that's when they need you the most ... ironically, that's when people decide to leave you ...
• People that claim to love you should know what you want when you do ... but apparently when you're asking the wrong way, they're the first to leave ...
• Everyone's got a story to tell ... and unfortunately, everyone's also got their own reasons, and their own compulsion to do what they do ...
• Usually in depression, you just want to sleep. Forget everything, and close your mind. Irony is a bitch. That's exactly when you can't fall asleep.
• Usually in depression, when you realize you haven't eaten since long ... the bitch, irony, steps in and you can't digest food anymore ...
• You push away everything, mostly when you need what you push away. I would sue irony.
• You don't realize what you've done wrong till long after. You don't realize who you should've trusted since long after. You don't realize what you should've kept, till long after. Unfortunately, till long after usually means ... for the rest of your life.
• If you have a tendecy of forgiving and completely trusting people ... people will never forgive you back, and no one trusts you.
• They say people can be judged within minutes. It usually takes thems "till long after" to realize they've made the wrong judgement about me, though ... In an intense hate relationship with the word Irony now.
• Justice is not a word. Words have meanings.
• No feeling like the feeling you get when you try to fix something, and it crumbles in your hands, falling through your fingers like sand ... or sharp steel razors, actually.
• You realize you want to push everything away once you realize the world's just a big lie. Once you realize, you're living a lie ... and once you realize you've been living a lie, all your life.
• People will tell you what to do in your moment of shame, pain and agony. But one big reason why it doesn't work; they're not the ones going through it. You have to face the storm, to realize how cold and destructive it really is.
• When people see someone in pain and trouble, and help them. It's not because they care. It's because they don't want the guilt of not helping them ... and so they try to help them as soon as they can, so it's over with soon. Basically they're just helping yourself. No one helps someone else, ever.
• A depressed mind is the worst author. Not in the literal sense of the word "worst" though ...
• True, authors try to make readers happy. But marketing sadness, and packaging it to sell it, is famous for working in this world.
• We're all feeding our own depressions inside us, to gain some importance in this big vast, sad world.
  "Our generation has no great wars, no great depressions. Our wars are spiritual, our depressions are our lives" - Chuck Palahniuk.
• People that make no mistakes, are not actually doing anything.
• "Look at the mistakes of others as mildly as if they were your own." Chinese proverb that didn't make it big because it's a fish eat fish world. An eye for an eye, and so everyone is blind.
• There's a reason and meaning for everything. Everything.
• Don't ever promise what you can't fulfill ...