It's weird, the phase I'm currently going through.
I made sure I stopped thinking about all my old flings, and crushes, and the several "ones that got away." But lately I feel I can't help it, and they end up in my dreams.
This one in particular was perhaps the prettiest of them all. I can still remember the dream, it was as vivid as daylight. With her huge round eyes, made to stand out with eyeliner. It felt like she was whispering every time she opened her mouth to speak.
Because her eyes were lighter and weren't dark brown like most people's are, the sunlight would gleam and reflect in them. They'd turn golden. Golden brown, in fact. The prettiest things I've perhaps ever seen.
It reminds me of the nicknames we had for each other, the things she would call me on the phone right before she would fall asleep. Or just pretended to, so she could hear me tell her incredibly pointless nothings.
When we'd argue, it'd be beautiful. The pain in my heart would assure me I'm alive, and that there exists something between us, otherwise we couldn't have cared less. They didn't last long, she couldn't stand me being mad at her for long. And if she was mad at me, I wouldn't let her stay mad at me for long either.
Things ended, but they weren't ugly for long. For that, I'm perhaps most appreciative. We've talked again, several times after. Discussed where we went wrong, made sure we each knew how much we cared for each other. Sometimes it's just the situation that makes things go awry.
It's way better that way, come to think of it. Much better than when people themselves decide to change courses overnight.
Then there are the regrets. Things I wish I had done differently.. things I wish I hadn't done at all.. some painful burdens that I will have to live with for the rest of my life. Be responsible for the heartache, and for the shaping of some poor soul. Blue on blue, heartache on heartache.
Some I've forgotten, and only remember when I try real hard to. We played silly games for a while, going back and forth on our own words, just unsure about what we wanted.
Should I wish I had done things differently? Sometimes I do. Other times I feel I wouldn't be true to myself if I did, and I've learned living with yourself is much harder sometimes.
It's perhaps time to stop regretting, and be glad I've experienced so much. Scars give you personality. I perhaps owe myself to all the women that have shaped me over the years. I can choose to be thankful in a lot of ways. Deep down inside, I can't help but feel they'll always remember too, and that I made sure of that somehow. By being unforgettable, in ways sometimes good, and sometimes not so much.
At the end of the day, I can only hope they're all happy. It's all I have ever wanted, not to sound too cliche or dramatic. Checking to make sure is a privilege I may or may not have, and that's another story.
People may not necessarily remember you by what you did, or what you said. But they will remember you by how you made them feel.
"Yeh dil, yeh pagal dil mera.. kyun bujh gaya? Aawaragi."
I made sure I stopped thinking about all my old flings, and crushes, and the several "ones that got away." But lately I feel I can't help it, and they end up in my dreams.
This one in particular was perhaps the prettiest of them all. I can still remember the dream, it was as vivid as daylight. With her huge round eyes, made to stand out with eyeliner. It felt like she was whispering every time she opened her mouth to speak.
Because her eyes were lighter and weren't dark brown like most people's are, the sunlight would gleam and reflect in them. They'd turn golden. Golden brown, in fact. The prettiest things I've perhaps ever seen.
It reminds me of the nicknames we had for each other, the things she would call me on the phone right before she would fall asleep. Or just pretended to, so she could hear me tell her incredibly pointless nothings.
When we'd argue, it'd be beautiful. The pain in my heart would assure me I'm alive, and that there exists something between us, otherwise we couldn't have cared less. They didn't last long, she couldn't stand me being mad at her for long. And if she was mad at me, I wouldn't let her stay mad at me for long either.
Things ended, but they weren't ugly for long. For that, I'm perhaps most appreciative. We've talked again, several times after. Discussed where we went wrong, made sure we each knew how much we cared for each other. Sometimes it's just the situation that makes things go awry.
It's way better that way, come to think of it. Much better than when people themselves decide to change courses overnight.
Then there are the regrets. Things I wish I had done differently.. things I wish I hadn't done at all.. some painful burdens that I will have to live with for the rest of my life. Be responsible for the heartache, and for the shaping of some poor soul. Blue on blue, heartache on heartache.
Some I've forgotten, and only remember when I try real hard to. We played silly games for a while, going back and forth on our own words, just unsure about what we wanted.
Should I wish I had done things differently? Sometimes I do. Other times I feel I wouldn't be true to myself if I did, and I've learned living with yourself is much harder sometimes.
It's perhaps time to stop regretting, and be glad I've experienced so much. Scars give you personality. I perhaps owe myself to all the women that have shaped me over the years. I can choose to be thankful in a lot of ways. Deep down inside, I can't help but feel they'll always remember too, and that I made sure of that somehow. By being unforgettable, in ways sometimes good, and sometimes not so much.
At the end of the day, I can only hope they're all happy. It's all I have ever wanted, not to sound too cliche or dramatic. Checking to make sure is a privilege I may or may not have, and that's another story.
People may not necessarily remember you by what you did, or what you said. But they will remember you by how you made them feel.
"Yeh dil, yeh pagal dil mera.. kyun bujh gaya? Aawaragi."
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