So this whole thing about being constantly miserable.
How much longer can I play this fucked up game with myself, I constantly wonder. There's got to be a time where I just stop, right? Grow up, maybe. Or whatever the fuck it's supposed to be that makes it stop. Everything's eventual, I suppose, but death is eventual and I don't feel like waiting that long. For it to stop, I mean. Not that I haven't been goth as fuck, and everything. A change of pace would be nice. Do I even want that? A change of everything. I want to start over.
I want to forget all about the heartbreak. The constant heartbreak, over and over. Like a scratched up record on loop. Like a curse, or perhaps just a few bad moves. A few horrible decisions, a few wrong steps.
Each and every time, just like the last. As if I've always been asking for it, as if it's what I've always wanted all along.
People have asked me multiple times if I enjoy putting myself through this. If I enjoy being miserable, if I look forward to it. It would make sense, I suppose, wouldn't it? Just some kind of twisted fucking irony. Not that it ever isn't, but I wish it would just be lost to me sometimes. I'm tired of picking up on it, finding it in the most convenient of places, placed like a word that fits in a short poetic piece. Fuck.
If no other answers, I wish to have that one. Let it be the only one I ever get, but let it arrive, late but definitely. Speaking of some twisted fucking irony, it's the only one I've never gotten. The yearning evidently exists for a reason then, I suppose. As always of course.
Fuck this in between bull shit. Being stuck is never any fun, but being stuck in the past is exceptionally fucked. Having to live with your decisions can be tough as it is, but having to live with someone else's is a little worst.
How much longer can I play this fucked up game with myself, I constantly wonder. There's got to be a time where I just stop, right? Grow up, maybe. Or whatever the fuck it's supposed to be that makes it stop. Everything's eventual, I suppose, but death is eventual and I don't feel like waiting that long. For it to stop, I mean. Not that I haven't been goth as fuck, and everything. A change of pace would be nice. Do I even want that? A change of everything. I want to start over.
I want to forget all about the heartbreak. The constant heartbreak, over and over. Like a scratched up record on loop. Like a curse, or perhaps just a few bad moves. A few horrible decisions, a few wrong steps.
Each and every time, just like the last. As if I've always been asking for it, as if it's what I've always wanted all along.
People have asked me multiple times if I enjoy putting myself through this. If I enjoy being miserable, if I look forward to it. It would make sense, I suppose, wouldn't it? Just some kind of twisted fucking irony. Not that it ever isn't, but I wish it would just be lost to me sometimes. I'm tired of picking up on it, finding it in the most convenient of places, placed like a word that fits in a short poetic piece. Fuck.
Why?
Fuck this in between bull shit. Being stuck is never any fun, but being stuck in the past is exceptionally fucked. Having to live with your decisions can be tough as it is, but having to live with someone else's is a little worst.
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