Make Believe.

I know what it is. I get it.

I don't want to go on anymore. Not for anyone, not for myself.. for nothing.

I'd rather just self destruct. I don't want to think anymore, I really don't. I don't want to think about anything.

I just need to blow up. Take down everything around me with me probably. Create a large crater on the ground.

But just not be anymore.

I think, therefore I am.

I don't want to be. I don't like thinking anymore. I want to stop.

I don't care anymore. Haven't really cared about myself since a very long time now, but now I don't care about anyone or anything else at all.

I don't want anything in life. I don't want 'life.'

I'd rather not be here anymore, if it means finding out once and for all what we were supposed to be doing here to begin with. And see if there really is a God or not.

My crazy hair, that I never pay any attention to. My fingers that always have a cigarette in between them. My confused mind that's constantly finding something wrong with everything.

Nothing is ever satisfactory. Nothing at all.

People find peace in Religion somehow, and I don't get it.

" Isn't itenough to see that a garden is beautiful without having to believe that there are fairies at the bottom of it too? ..."

- Douglas Adams, The Hitchiker's Guide To The Galaxy.

But is the garden really beautiful? Why are we not in Eden? We didn't eat the forbidden fruit. We do now, but we can't help it, can we?

What about people that are still oblivious to religion and God. How is it their fault that they don't believe, if they don't even know? Are they getting a free pass to heaven, then?

If they are, why was I told about Religion to begin with?

What is better? Living happy in the life you are certain about, or thinking about being happy in a life no one is really certain of? And if you are, then I don't understand how you can just believe things without actually ...

Let's not get into this.

"Dunya ke is shor main, seekha hai mar ke hoti hai zindagi kya."

Dhalta din majboor hai, aur manzil bohot door hai.

I'm not a very nice person, stop thinking that I am. Stop making me feel guilty, for giving everyone the impression that I'm this perfect human being. I'm not. There's no such thing.

In fact - if God spoke to you, told you a sure fire way to get into heaven? He'd probably tell you to stay as far away from me as possible.

I know what it is, the secret to making it in this world. To all the riches. It's fooling the people you can fool, tricking the people you can trick, lying to the people you can lie to. And that is success. Being better.

People don't have good intentions, no one really does. Neither do they have bad intentions. All intentions are just to satisfy their own needs. Good or Bad can't define it.

There is no Good, there is no Evil. There's just us. Humans.

Good things don't just happen to people, people have to make good things happen. Bad things, however, just do. How is that fair?

Cynacism, and Agnosticism. That's where it really is. Sitting on the fence. I don't want to know what's going on either sides, I just can't be bothered anymore.

Why do people read love poems and then wait their whole lives waiting for 'the one'?

The 'one' doesn't exist. There are just people, here and there. There is no one perfect, and you're never going to find anyone perfect. There are people with things you like, and the same people also have things you hate it. Live with it.

So why do you insist on placing people on a high chair, and then get disappointed when they show you just how human they are?

There's no point. Why are we dying to live, when we're just living to die?

Everything in between? How is any of it worth it. Happiness is just a myth. No one can ever, really be happy. Just like world peace is. It's just not possible. Humans WANT to kill each other. We'll never get tired of it. We want conflict. Without conflict, there won't even be temporary peace. World peace, forever, is a myth. Happiness is a myth.

What's the point in feeling sorry for anyone? Either acknowledge that there is no God, or acknowledge that bad things only happen to people because of what they do themselves. So which one is it?

Love.

Valentine's day cards, are just that. They're not good love poems. Love poems aren't happy, love poems are supposed to be dark, and gritty. That's how it is, that's just what love is. You can't really give your 'lover' a love poem on valentine's day. Unless you want them wondering whether you really 'love' them or not. And that's where hallmark and valentine's day cards come in.

Selling people what they want to believe. And everyone just gulps it up. Humans.

"Balance will help you not to destroy yourself," my professor tells me.

Define Balance.

Don't Panic. And don't bother commenting.

I'm trying to put words to my thoughts, but it's not working. At all.

I woke up around, half an hour ago.

I'm hungry, but I'm not.

I'm weirdly depressed, but I'm not.

I'm annoyingly melancholic, but I'm not sure why.

And I don't know how to describe it, but I feel guilty...

I just read a post BoogieMonsterMan made on her blog about me, and I think that's why it is..

I'm at a loss of words. And it's rare.

Fuck it. I can't write ...

Video Responses.

It's a start. Pardon me if it's a bit shabby. It probably is. First attempt, I can't stretch that fact enough.

Was originally to be a video response to BoogieMonsterMan. For I don't even remember which video of hers on youtube, but she kept insisting, and so I came up with something.

Something, at least it is.

Enjoy. Critique, Comments, welcome.

Mind Music.

Dhalta din majboor hai, manzil zara door hai ..

The God Delusion.

When one person is delusional, it's called insanity. When a group of people are delusional, it's called Religion. There is no God, there is no Karma, there's just fucked up shit, and it happens to each and everyone of us. Test from God? Then why does he put Atheists through it too?

More on this later.

Bachana by Bilal Khan.

"LYve"

BACHANA from Bilal Khan on Vimeo.

And the rest will flow.

Have I been here before? It all seems so new somehow. Yet, it's somehow similar.

But so much more different.

-Sigh-

So, I'm loving all my new classes. Creative Writing and Philosophy, most of all. Not so much English 102 though, the professor seems like a ... well, you know.

According to him; "Every other English 102 class has options and choices you can make, but not mine. Mine has substance, not choices or options. You're going to have to do exactly what I tell you, and that's it. There will be substance, though."

Substance. Well said, good sir. You almost had me there, for a second. No choices? I thrive for choices. I make choices. I create, choices. I AM, choices.

No space to creatively move around? Not me. At all.

This is going to be a conflict of interest. In fact, I always sold my work to my english 101 professor this way. He'd ask me to talk about Mangoes, I'd end up describing every other fruit and adding 'and what I haven't talked about in this paper, is a mango.'

And it worked, it really did. He did end up calling me Sly and Guile. But in a good way, he said. In a good way. Right.

Creative Writing is going to be hilarious though. The professor asked us what we thought gave story tellers back in the days their creativity. Then he answered it himself, and said 'Drugs.'

"See, that was a joke, but no one's really laughing," he said.

That's my kind of professor, right there. A student asked if he's got any, and he didn't really answer. I wonder, though.

Philosophy seems like fun. The professor made sure we realize that, we're going to talk about controversial concepts a lot, like, 'Is there a God?'. Fun stuff, really.

On a seperate note, like where I'm going with the new banner design? I am.

-Sigh- my sugar muffin, how I miss you so, already. You can't be too good for me, it seems.

Run a Chpeck by me, though, and everything will be fine.

And everything will be fine.

And the rest will flow.

And nothing else compares.

And we float.

Don't Panic.

There comes a time in my life, ever so often, when I just want to disappear.

It's been delayed for quite a long time now, and I feel like this is it.

Thank you for witnessing the Danish show. I hope I've pleased and entertained all of you enough to last a while.

I need a break though, as sad as that is. Pity, really. You'll get along just fine without me though, I know that much too.

It's not that I need some personal time for myself, I really don't, because I don't see that happening anyhow. It won't ever work.

I just need some time off of my self-sabotaging, world-loathing, self indulging, ways.

And yes, I still feel sheer disappointment from everything that has happened to this very day.

But the world won't learn, no one ever changes, no one ever will. Neither will I.
And it's just ironic, that everyone I come across is just the same.

The system has either made us this way, or we all opt to be so. It's just sad.

I don't like pushing people away, it just happens. As cliche' as that is. If you don't believe me, pause for a while and think about it. Yes, I have. You have seen and/or witnessed it yourself.

But remember. If I don't come back, for some of you. If I like disappearing a little too much. If I decide to turn selfish.

Don't panic.

"...as hollow as a life."

A statue that everyone came to, at all the odd hours of their day.

They'd take out time from their busy lives, but they were sure to show up.

And they'd sit there, talking to the statue. And the statue would always have this really huge smile on his face. He couldn't help it. He was created this way.

And he'd listen, and listen, and listen. And the smile wouldn't fade.

Came rain, came storms. Came birds of all kinds. They all whispered.

They all whispered in his ears, their tales of the seven seas. And how they'd been hurt on their way. They all talked to him, and wouldn't stop. They realized they couldn't stop.

The statue was a friend who would listen. And only listen.

And that's what everyone needed.

But no one really thought ahead, they never really figured. What would they be if the statue wasn't there anymore?

But it never mattered. The statue wasn't going anywhere.

Till death do us part.

Danish this, Danish that.

"Please, Danish."

"I need you, Danish."

"Where have you been, Danish?"

Please, you.

What about what Danish needs?

Danish hasn't been here, but it's obvious, he's been someone else's shoulder to cry on.

Where the fuck you been?

Danish isn't playing no more.

"Love Letters"

mainu kisi de dil naal khedne da shok nahi
ek waari dil dekhe dekhiye, eh boht nahi

par zulfaan teri kaali
tere wich sohniye koii gal wei niraali
mainu raatan nu jagaan teri gallan
yaad dilaan teri gallan
yehi gallan main pehle moon soniya kisi hor de
jaal wich phassiya kisi aur de
yaadan jagaan teri gallan

hun tere kol o rabbawe main door
dooron tenu dekhda zaroor
jiwwey tere toh main darda
samjhe tu mainu maghroor
hun wich mera kii kasoor
mera dil nahiyo mannda

chadd de pyaar de sandese mainu bhej ne
hun tere jaal wich phass na nii main
mera naseeb hawwa wich urhna
tere dil te pinjre ch' bas na nii main

girl: *remiiind me*
koi yaad mainu aaya
woh bhi tere warge si jidde naal dil main lagaya
te dil de ke chein gawaya

gurh naal ishq mitha, oh ho
ni gurh naal ishq mitha, aye haye

aar ya paar
aaj di raat faisla main karna
tere piche sohniye main khuwaar par
aaj di raat sab kuch saaf saaf teinu dasna
jooth bolna nahi sajna
saaade do waddey wich koi ghalat faimi rahe na

haan main sharabi par tere piche chad da sharab
bhung, udha koi nahi ilaaj
haan mainu yaaran naal sarkan da phiran da shok
hmmm, udha bhi koi nahi ilaaj

tera rang tera roop
naale dil nu pilaan di gallan teri khoob
jaddon tere naal howa, main araam naal sowaan
par ek gal khaawe, main wekha tere wal par yaad mainu koi hor aawey

girl: *remiiind me*
yaad mainu koi hor aawe
woh bhi tere warge si jidde naal dil main lagaya
te dil de ke chein gawaya


girl: so what are you doing?
bohemia : shit nothin, just finishin up this third verse
girl : youre always in the studio
bohemia: yeah, whassup wid you tho?
girl: uhh, well i was hopin you'd come over later tonight, after the studio, whatever you knw
bohemia : aah, i'll probably be busy tonight though
girl: bahane, bahane .. you knw they're talkin about us?
bohemia : well, who?
girl : friends, family, everybody
bohemia: i don't care about that .. look, tomorrow ima sneak by 10, 1030
girl: *laughs* I'll be at the window


kive kara main pyar da ikrar
main aadmi awara tu soni mutiyaar
tu naal mere jaan nu tayar, tera piyo, police nu bulaan nu tayaar
hun eda de mauke mainnu lagde nahi change
par jitthey dil di gal, udey laye na koi mere naal pangeyy
main galach nii aana
hun das de sab nu tu naal mere jaaney ya phir
aaj de baad mainu karii na tu yaad naal yaad rakhi mere dukhii dil di faryaad
mere baad, mere warga na aayega, na aaya
tenu dil deke chein main gawaya

girl: *remiiind me*
koi yaad mainu aaya
woh bhi tere warge si jidde naal dil main lagaya
te dil de ke chein gawaya

- *help (%) (%) x t 0 2 (%) (%) says:
*ye man
- *help (%) (%) x t 0 2 (%) (%) just sent you a nudge.
- *help (%) (%) x t 0 2 (%) (%) says:
*telll me a gud software to edit photos
*a lil basic one than photoshop
- *help (%) (%) x t 0 2 (%) (%) just sent you a nudge.
Danish says:
*how about
*gimp
*get it from download.com
- *help (%) (%) x t 0 2 (%) (%) says:
*gud?
Danish says:
*yeah
*ppl compare it to photoshop
- *help (%) (%) x t 0 2 (%) (%) says:
*alright
*nd u were lookin for me ?
Danish says:
*just wanted to say hi
*what's up?
- *help (%) (%) x t 0 2 (%) (%) says:
*hello
*just had sehri
Danish says:
*nice
*what'd you have for sehri? =p
- *help (%) (%) x t 0 2 (%) (%) says:
*a read bean curry with paratha:P
Danish says:
*lol
*where'd you get that stuff from?
- *help (%) (%) x t 0 2 (%) (%) says:
*made the curry at home, got the ready made (only to fry) paratha:P
Danish says:
*niiice
*those things save lives
- *help (%) (%) x t 0 2 (%) (%) says:
*they do
*even the ready made shaan pakora mix, for iftar:P
*lol
*i sound so damn chicky
Danish says:
*hahaha
*no way
*and what else do you use in your recipes? =p
- *help (%) (%) x t 0 2 (%) (%) says:
*well the fruit salad has nuthin to it :P nd there is nuthin else in iftar but Roooooooooh afzaaahhh:P
Danish says:
*lol
*You drink rooh afza over there?!
*Where did you even find it?
- *help (%) (%) x t 0 2 (%) (%) says:
*u hav to go to the desi areas, grocerry stores there sell all kinds of shit, even ready made rolls nd sambosa and all kinds of crap
Danish says:
*no way
- *help (%) (%) x t 0 2 (%) (%) says:
*but they rip u off, a bottle of rooh afzah is like 3 pounds here.. thts about 20 riyals
Danish says:
*there are no desi places in philadelphia man
*all the desis in america
*are in chicago, texas, minnesota
*or new york
- *help (%) (%) x t 0 2 (%) (%) says:
*oh, u better shift to queens thn:P
Danish says:
*lol
*shit expensive there
- *help (%) (%) x t 0 2 (%) (%) says:
*so i heard
*hw r u holdn up, first couple of weeks r hard when u come back frm riyadh
Danish says:
*It's not that bad man
*I'm hungry tho
*and all shops are closed
*lol
*except for the 7/11 in front of my house
*but im too darn lazy to even walk there and get something =p
- *help (%) (%) x t 0 2 (%) (%) says:
*dang, ur worse thn me at times:P
Danish says:
*lol
*and that's really bad, right =p
- *help (%) (%) x t 0 2 (%) (%) says:
*nah, humans r born lazy, think of this, our moms have to ''push '' us out literally, we cant even come to this world by our selves...
*makes u think hw God realy wanted us :P
*LAZY
*:D
*makes me feel alrigh:P
Danish says:
*lol
*lol
*that is quite a theory man
- *help (%) (%) x t 0 2 (%) (%) says:
*yeh i am planning to stand up against tht jack ass knws as Darwin
*:P
Danish says:
*lol
*he was a jack ass, all right
- *help (%) (%) x t 0 2 (%) (%) says:
*tht is a geeky picture if i may ... with all due respect:P
*seriously
Danish says:
*lol
- *help (%) (%) x t 0 2 (%) (%) says:
*makes ur head look like a squashed pumpkin
Danish says:
*you're quite the compliment giver
*in fact, I'm flattered
*why, thank you, Saad >_>
- *help (%) (%) x t 0 2 (%) (%) says:
*lol
*ahh u r a were wolf (hw do u spell tht)
*wear wolf?
Danish says:
*lol
*were wolf
*but that's a fox, not a wolf =p
*and when I tried to find a picture of a fox
*I wrote fox, on image searches
*an all I got was pictures of Megan Fox
- *help (%) (%) x t 0 2 (%) (%) says:
*lol
Danish says:
*note, though, that I'm not complaining =p
- *help (%) (%) x t 0 2 (%) (%) says:
*foxy ;)
*so whos ginger ale?
Danish says:
*Canada Dry man
*lol
- *help (%) (%) x t 0 2 (%) (%) says:
*i see
Danish says:
*yeah >_>
*IT's good stuff
*we bought a whole pack with 12 cans
*it's still in the fridge
*oh, and you know
*Adeel is still in riyadh
- *help (%) (%) x t 0 2 (%) (%) says:
*yeh i heard iqama tension
Danish says:
*who told you iqama tension?
- *help (%) (%) x t 0 2 (%) (%) says:
*some document tension otherwise
*i keep my sources unanimous.. (hw ever u spell tht word)
*:P
Danish says:
*lol
- *help (%) (%) x t 0 2 (%) (%) says:
*i need to learn to spell seriously
Danish says:
*anonymous
*lol
*hahaha
*unanimous was funny tho
- *help (%) (%) x t 0 2 (%) (%) says:
*ms word has destroyed me !
Danish says:
*use that all the time =p
- *help (%) (%) x t 0 2 (%) (%) says:
*hey if u r as bored as i am at times, i wud recommend this documentry :
*http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=1485155465058882626&ei=nhufStyuF5fW-Abtv4SQCw&q=space+&dur=3#
Danish says:
*what's it about?
- *help (%) (%) x t 0 2 (%) (%) says:
*the lies an the truths, like UFO nd some USA govt shit ... nd no moon landing
*allot of stuff
*but its pretty gud
Danish says:
*oh, dude
*you know how they say
*the moon landing was fake right?
- *help (%) (%) x t 0 2 (%) (%) says:
*yeh ofcourse
Danish says:
*like
*after that mission
*NASA gifted a lot of countries
*these 'moon' rocks
*right
- *help (%) (%) x t 0 2 (%) (%) says:
*read the link i put on fb?
Danish says:
*which they claimed are rly expensive and stuff?
*the geniuses put them in museums
*some country, dont know which
*just did research on the 'moon rock'
*and they just realized that they are fake >_>
*they're just made of plain wood
- *help (%) (%) x t 0 2 (%) (%) says:
*yeh armstrong admited it was all fake man
Danish says:
*rly??
*when?
- *help (%) (%) x t 0 2 (%) (%) says:
*u didnt see my post on fb then
*lemme grab it for u
Danish says:
*arite o_o
- *help (%) (%) x t 0 2 (%) (%) says:
*http://gizmodo.com/5349736/moon-conspiracy-theorist-makes-neil-armstrong-realize-obvious-truth
*plus i knw a 100 reasons why man never cud hav gone to the moon
*the space suit has NO prtection to radiation.... buggest truth, thts why russia never sent a man to the moon, they knw it
Danish says:
*well, duh
*why didn't any other country follow america
- *help (%) (%) x t 0 2 (%) (%) says:
*the pictures show multiple sources oflight, while in truth there cud be only one, the sun
Danish says:
*america claims to be the only country, right?
*yeah
- *help (%) (%) x t 0 2 (%) (%) says:
*yeh
Danish says:
*and the flag is wavy
- *help (%) (%) x t 0 2 (%) (%) says:
*stupidness
Danish says:
*when there can't be any air
*on the frigging moon
*OUTER SPACE
*lol
*damn, man
*either the American's think everyone else is too stupid
*or they are too stupid themselves
- *help (%) (%) x t 0 2 (%) (%) says:
*true, reasons after reasons man, ieven posted a video on ur profile..
Danish says:
*I think it's a mixture of both
- *help (%) (%) x t 0 2 (%) (%) says:
*nd u r still in US of A
*:P
Danish says:
*lol
*you have to admit
*the rest of us ARE pretty stupid
*an American Degree can get you a job
*in a minute
*in other countries
- *help (%) (%) x t 0 2 (%) (%) says:
*with u on tthh
Danish says:
*specially where you and I are going
*the land of dates and camel milk =p
*I mean female camel milk o_o
- *help (%) (%) x t 0 2 (%) (%) says:
*lol
*u nver knw ;)
Danish says:
*lol
- *help (%) (%) x t 0 2 (%) (%) says:
*sometimes it is unusually thicker:P
Danish says:
*hahaha
*looks like you have tried =p
*damn man
*the joys of
*lighting a cigarette indoors
*without any tensions
*and just walking around with it
*making an ashtray with whatever you find
- *help (%) (%) x t 0 2 (%) (%) says:
*yeah :(
Danish says:
*what, you can't smoke there?
*Oh wait
*aren't you fasting?
- *help (%) (%) x t 0 2 (%) (%) says:
*well i m fasting right nw, so i cant help but envy u for the moment
Danish says:
*lol
*shit man
*I totally forgot
*sorry =p
*think about other stuff
*like babes
*oh wait
*shit
*don't think about that either
*think about
- *help (%) (%) x t 0 2 (%) (%) says:
*:P
Danish says:
*computers!
*lol
*wait
*knowing you
*don't even think about computers
- *help (%) (%) x t 0 2 (%) (%) says:
*wat if tht gives me a boner:P
Danish says:
*God knows what turns you on
*hahahahaha
*exactly what I ws saying
- *help (%) (%) x t 0 2 (%) (%) says:
*hw bout sam's wet hairy ass:P
Danish says:
*lmao
*hahahaha
*that is a good thing you know
*I mean, not his ass
*but
*if you have a boner
- *help (%) (%) x t 0 2 (%) (%) says:
*lol
Danish says:
*but can't do anything about it
- *help (%) (%) x t 0 2 (%) (%) says:
*lol
Danish says:
*just think about sam
*and, that
- *help (%) (%) x t 0 2 (%) (%) says:
*fuk thts true
Danish says:
*piece of
*amazing science
*on God's part
- *help (%) (%) x t 0 2 (%) (%) says:
*like if someone comes nd u r ahem ahem, think of sam sam sam
*nd its gne
Danish says:
*hahahaha
*shit
- *help (%) (%) x t 0 2 (%) (%) says:
*wat a wonderful brain we both have
*we should publish this
*with a pic of it :P if u hav one:P
*nd we can have our names in history books
Danish says:
*lol
- *help (%) (%) x t 0 2 (%) (%) says:
*Dr Saad nd Dr Danish who found a way to kill a wood
*:P
Danish says:
*I could put this whole conversation
*on my blog
- *help (%) (%) x t 0 2 (%) (%) says:
*yeh nd if sam reads it, i am gonna say my laptop has been busted for over a week, i didnt say tht
*:P
Danish says:
*lol
*this is going to be on the blog too
- *help (%) (%) x t 0 2 (%) (%) says:
**silence*...
Danish says:
*lmao
- *help (%) (%) x t 0 2 (%) (%) says:
*>.>
Danish says:
*besides man
*Sam is such a nice guy
*and such a nice friend
*he wouldn't say anything =D
*right?
- *help (%) (%) x t 0 2 (%) (%) says:
*oh yes i kwn in wat sense he is nice, r u touching urself ?:P
Danish says:
*(get the hint, ass)
*lmao
*no, dumbass
*I was adding nice things about him
- *help (%) (%) x t 0 2 (%) (%) says:
*oh rite
Danish says:
*so he doesn't mind the post
- *help (%) (%) x t 0 2 (%) (%) says:
*yes sam is a lovely guy
Danish says:
*lol
- *help (%) (%) x t 0 2 (%) (%) says:
*best friend of mine
*since GRADE 3 u knw
*I LOVE U SAM
Danish says:
*hahaha
- *help (%) (%) x t 0 2 (%) (%) says:
*:P
Danish says:
*Me too MAn
- *help (%) (%) x t 0 2 (%) (%) says:
*if he reads;)
Danish says:
*yeah
*lmao
*now brb
- *help (%) (%) x t 0 2 (%) (%) says:
*brb = i m not really goin newhere, but seriously, neither is this conversation :P
Danish says:
*lmao
*I'm going to get food
*yet I'm still here O_O
- *help (%) (%) x t 0 2 (%) (%) says:
*or to the washroom with sam pic;)
Danish says:
*It's cuz I was saying brb to all the chicks
- *help (%) (%) x t 0 2 (%) (%) says:
*ahem ok brb
*:P
Danish says:
*lol
*ass
*brb
- *help (%) (%) x t 0 2 (%) (%) says:
*oh i m fasting
*shit
*sorry
*so i m here
*:P
Danish says:
*hahaha

Airplane Sounds

I don't really feel like writing, but I realized that I hadn't posted anything on the blog in a while now .. I didn't have internet for 2 days though, so I can just blame it on that, maybe.

Plus, I'm in a blah mood, because I'm going back in less than 24 hours. Back to Philadelphia!

And it's been one hell of a time here - 3 months to be exact. It's probably been said a million times before, but I can't resist - time does fly by really fast.

I didn't feel this way when I left the first time, 9 months ago, but I'm really going to miss Riyadh, my Parents, and all the lousy blokes I call friends.

Specially Sam, Lala, and Panda. Feel special.

And my Dad, and how he keeps telling me how much my Mom missed me, when in all actuality, it's him that did. Probably even more than my mom did.

And my Mom, that starts crying out of nowhere at all, right after she says things like "So what if you're going back, you'll be back in Riyadh in no time =]" I <3 me Mom.

Also her cooking. God, my mom is definitely the best cook in the world.

And my idiot brother. Whose turning out to be more like me every day, and I wonder sometimes if that's a good thing. But it has to be.

And my other idiot brother, who can't get enough of the World Wresting Entertainment, for some odd reason. He even literally dreams about it, and talks about nothing else, at all. *sigh* I'm just waiting till he finds a girlfriend.

And my idiot sister, who always hides behind my mom and whispers things into her ears, which in turn my Mom says to me. It's funny, because I always say No to them, by adding; "I was going to do that just now, but now that you've mentioned it, I'm thinking otherwise..."

Evil.

Khair, I am looking forward to a Philosophy and Graphic Designs class. Should be fun.

I am dreading however, the packing process. And I'll have this weird feeling in my stomach that's begun now, till the time I'm in my apartment in Philly and I have all my possessed belongings within my sight. *sigh*

I miss Elmo =[ You better come back and be reading all this, you idiot.

Ok, I can't think of anything to write, and staring at the aquarium isn't helping. I'm going to take leave now =]

This isn't like a, farewell to Riyadh, post or anything, so pardon me if I'm missing anything or if this is too abrupt.

Much love.

Freakin' Fabulous Award

Ok, I'm not quite sure how this works, really, but BoogieMonsterMan (drum roll and monster sounds) tagged me on her blog, and decided I deserve the freakin' fabulous award.



Much love =]

The rules for this award:
* List 5 obsessions
* Pass the award to 5 other blogs, with their links
* Make sure you leave a comment on their blog, so they know about it
* Link to the person that gave you the award.

So, people that know me well probably already know what my obsessions are, right. In fact, I believe there are so many, that it's going to be hard to list only 5. And bear in mind, they're in no specific order! Let's continue =]

1. Megan Fox. It's true, you know it, I know it. I <3 Megan Fox. End of story.



2. Colors. If we don't acknowledge and appreciate ever color ever produced, I have a feeling God wouldn't like that somehow. Hell, I wouldn't like that somehow! Colors are the best thing to happen to man kind since eyes.


3. Writing/reading/information gathering/philosphy/psychology/astrology. I was born to think. With a name like Danish, and a star sign like Gemini - I can't imagine myself doing anything else. I need to find things out, and I obsess about information =]


4. Gadgets, technology. I am to technology, what Wine Testers are to wine.


5. Pictures/Photography. And sometimes I wish I could take pictures of how I see things directly through my eyes, because it's so darn hard to get the essence of it and what not down in a single picture. But I try!


Now, the list could only be 5 things long, because of well, the rules. But, I have so many obsessions, this post would be incomplete without a few honorable mentions.
* Wristbands and other sorts of thingies like wristbands.
* People, and finding out about their personalities.
* Wordplay.

Ok, now the part where I tag other people, riiight.

I tag;
1. BoogieMonsterMan herself =] Much wuv.
2. Rija. (Red Arabian Dust)
3. "Angel Eyes" (Life Story of a Crazy Girl)
4. Nobia (Purple Stilletos)
5. Sam (Duct Tape Nation)

Can I bend the rules just a wee bit and also squeeze in Rida? kthx! ^__^

6. Rida ^_____^ (Reeedhaw)

That is all =] Remember to link back to me!

=[

When I have dreams, they're usually so vivid - I wake up believing them for a few minutes.

I know you're supposed to forget and move on, when you have a nightmare. I know you're supposed to tell everyone and be happy, if you see a good dream.

What do you do, when you see a dream that you want to come true, but only wake up to find that it's not true?

It's like God teasing you. *sigh*

Cookie and Elmo.

<3 This is for a special someone. =]

Oh snap, there goes my brain

Maybe I don't want to be happy.

Maybe I'm just self sabotaging.

Maybe I'm not looking for anything at all.

Maybe I'm just having an episode at the moment.

Maybe my life is supposed to be, one big episode.

It seems like it, sometimes.

Sometimes I wonder why I even bother thinking so much.

Then I ponder about whether I want to be happy or not, to begin with. And it all repeats itself ...

Looking for something

Life sucks. That's about it, really.

I hate it, I don't know about you. But I do.

It most definitely isn't as fun as it should be, or has the potential of being.

In fact, it's the opposite. It sucks. I hate it.

I don't know whether I'm depressed, or angry, but it feels like a little of both.

And I hate it.

And there's nothing anyone, or anything, can do about it.

Thank you for coming though. What did you come looking for?

Here's to the dream

Screw this. Seriously.

Nothing is worth it. Nothing. Nothing is worth you, stressing or worrying over.

NOTHING AT ALL.

Nothing matters, really. Nothing. Stop working for a good future, hoping to live your dream. You're not even promised a tomorrow. You aren't, really. You might not be here in a matter of days, yet, we cry over our futures - trying to build one. Trying to build THE perfect future.

And who set the bar as to what the perfect future is? Us, humans. Rather, OTHER humans. That's how it is for most of us, isn't it? It isn't OUR perfect future, it's the perfect future people before us has set down in books as the PERFECT future.

A wife, a car, a good paying job, a million dollar house. A few kids, running around here and there.

Perfect future? American dream? A "good" life?

Really?

What about why we are alive? What about why we're HERE, of all places. What about God insisting there's only one of him, yet there being so many Gods in the minds of all the 'different people' all over the world? Why?

What about us all being human, yet everyone owning a passport that's a different color?

What about all of us, not living life for free, and working our asses off, till the day we die, only to somehow survive in this world - where you NEED to be a part of the system in order to maintain and achieve the PERFECT life.

Why are we working our assess off, to get to the perfect life - where we believe we'll be satisfied, with our cars, our wife (or wives), our million dollar palace, and our little children. Will we be? Satisfied? EVER?

Why bother, trying to get into a relationship? Is being Single not the same as, finding someone, getting your heart broken - as cliche' as you and I both know that is, and then distrusting every other male/female on planet earth? Is it not the same, to screw fidelity, and expect the same - so you don't get your expectations down? Yes it is. Don't expect from the world, what it can't deliver. We're all humans, not Gods. We're not perfect, no one is.

Stop expecting anyone to be.

In absentia of our hopes and our pride, you and I could've survived. But we can't.

It's just wouldn't be human.

Lists and what not

One of the hardest things to do is picking out a frame for your future seeing glasses. I mean, seriously. Why are there so many kinds?!

Rimless, frame-less (don't know if that's the same thing or not), with all these colors, and what not. It confuses the crap out of me, more than Socrates ever did.

I despise it, to say the least, much like I despise almost everything else. And I had to do just that today; pick out a frame.

But I've learnt this new trick, to not really give a crap and worry so much about detail when picking things out, and rather growing into them as time progresses.

Even though, as I type this, I'm having second thoughts about the frame I did actually pick, and wondering if I made the right choice. "Right choice considering what?" asks another voice in my head. I'm only going to use them to actually be able to see, right? Right. Like that's why they have so many colors and types to them.

That's why contact lenses were invented. Well, probably one of the reasons anyway.

How do you like the new theme by the way? I have all these new logos I designed, but they work better with a gray color scheme. And I want to use this one, for a while at least. Megan Fox <3 MmMm.

Ooh, almost forgot. BoogieMonsterMan did this list of things she collects, and I realize that I collect things too, and therefore I must make a list too. Besides, she 'tagged' me in her post, and it's probably now my duty or something to carry forth the torch. Or something like that, anyway. Here it goes;

1. Friends. Not in a materialistic and selfish way, no, but I like having as many friends as possible. And if not friends, then lets just say, associates. People I like being associated with, and therefore, using when need comes. No, not USING as per se, Using, as in ... well, you know, when you want something, and only a certain someone can get it for you? Ok, step out of my life for a while, you are definitely not getting it.

2. Cell Phones. And all other sorts of gadgets, in fact. If it has been invented, I absolutely must own one. That's the rule. Uh, huh. It is, too. And if you know me, you probably already know this too. No, I'm not materialistic, I just love owning things. Yes, there's a difference. Cell phones, digital cameras, mp3 players. All of the above. I just love technology, is all.

3. Pictures. Yes, pictures. I have to has a large collection of pictures of whatever thing it is like. For example; Gibson Les Pauls, Megan Fox and Jessica Alba, and Mitsubishi Lancer Evos'.

4. MUSIC! I has to have discographies of whatever artist it is that I have a fresh interest in. Absolutely.

5. Wristbands and other jewelry/accessories of sorts. Specially silver and/or bright colored stuff. I love, love, owning as much pieces of flair as I possibly can, as lame as pieces of flair sounds. Even if I don't have room on my wrists for any of it anymore. And even if it is preserved inside the closets of my immediate home. I still must have it! Bottom line.

6. People. Oh wait, did I already say friends?

7. Information. Does that work? It's still being ''collected'', right? Yes.

8. Pens and pencils. Colored pencils, too.

9. Notebooks, just like BoogieMonsterMan, yes.

10. Business cards. Or any other card or piece of paper that can fit in my wallet, actually.

11. Books!! How could I ever forget books. Grrrr. BOOKS!!!

12. Keychains! =]

13. Good photography. Yes! Go take a look at my deviantArt page, under ''collections'' ^__^

14. I still have a LOT of pokemon cards. And I'm not throwing them away. Does that count? Gotta catch em' all! I think I actually did, in fact. Catch em all. The card versions, anyway.

15. Perfumes and colognes! How could I forget. Calvin Klein One, Be, Truth, Eternity, Man, Obsession, Euphoria, Dunhill Fresh, Davidoff Cool Water, Ferrari Black, Allure Homme Sport, Aspen, Armani Black Code, Dunhill Desire Red, Basi Homme by Armand Basi ... God, I love lists.

16. Watches.

Aargh, have to run, can't stay and finish the list. Maybe later!

I don't mean to brag, but Rida Kokab is very kind.

No, really

I beg to dream and differ, from the hollow lies.
This is the dawning of the rest, of our lives ...

It's funny, but I don't think that once you're done feeling a certain way, it's highly unlikely that you'll feel the same exact way ever again. Ever.

It may come close, very close in fact, but it's never going to be the same. Even if it seems the same, if you think about it - deep down inside, it's not.

It's never going to be.

But the million dollar question then has to be - is that a good thing, or a bad thing?

Do you mourn for how you'll never be or feel the same again, or do you make way and be glad for a new beginning - and a chance to make more memories?

Sure, but that doesn't really change the fact that you did leave behind something. Right?

Think about all the times you've lost something, or experienced a feeling. Happiness, love, or content-ness. It's never going to come back, no matter what. And even though that's good for the feelings you don't want to experience anymore, what about the times you'd want to re-live?

Nothing is relive-able.

But everything is at least memorable.

It's funny how I write mostly when I'm suffering from the lack of nicotine. Hmmm .. it's also when I'm most moody. I'm moody almost all the time though ... I'm sure lots of you would agree. Rida agrees.

In fact, she just asked me how I'm not grumpy today. I mean seriously. What the hell? I'm not grumpy ALL the time. God. It's just when something ticks me off - even though something almost always ticks me off, I'm still happy sometimes!

Apparently my dad doesn't like Lamb of God much. Hmmm.

I'm waiting for a friend to show up so I can go out for a while, I feel claustrophobic all of a sudden. Hmmm.

Now I feel guilty for 400 riyal jeans and a 700 camera.

Now I feel guilty for a lot of things I've done recently.

Now I feel guilty for being so narcissistic.

Now I feel guilty for writing this.

Nicotine Withdrawal is a bad thing.

dA Stock Pictures

<3 Some of the neatest dA Stock pictures

Asos 3 by ~stormsorceress
http://stormsorceress.deviantart.com/art/Asos-3-97082827


Sky by ~chocolateir-stock
http://chocolateir-stock.deviantart.com/art/Sky-86929263


Bonsai Stock by ~Lostfiniel
http://lostfiniel.deviantart.com/art/Bonsai-Stock-69434529


Background 1 by *FrozenStarRo
http://frozenstarro.deviantart.com/art/Background-1-100322285


Wild animal 126 -sweet red fox by ~Momotte2stocks
http://momotte2stocks.deviantart.com/art/Wild-animal-126-sweet-red-fox-106682980


Sunset-Stock by ~MissyStock
http://missystock.deviantart.com/art/Sunset-Stock-27969854


ManaXmomo-Forest one by ~stocks-by-manaXmomo
http://stocks-by-manaxmomo.deviantart.com/art/ManaXmomo-Forest-one-4267336


Come on Mommy-run by ~riviera2008
http://riviera2008.deviantart.com/art/Come-on-Mommy-run-122622014

Some more pointers

If I'm selfish - either live with it, or don't bother to begin with.

It's funny, but people that aren't from my immediate family seem to know me better (and I'm happy with that, really)

I don't need people, I really don't, I'd rather be left alone than be thought to be selfish.

Oh, and not like I really trust most people's opinions, people are all stupid.

This is my blog, I come here to vent out, God isn't paying me to entertain people, and I can say whatever I want. Be grateful you have the luxury to comment.

You're welcome.

Five.

Nothing stands in front of my pride.

Nothing stands in front of my self esteem.

Nothing stands in front of what I believe in.

Forgiveness isn't delivered until you really ask for it.

I'm never wrong.

Addicted

If I could self destruct, I'd take everything around me, down with me.

Set the world on fire, blow up everything I desire.

It'd be one hell of a sight. I wouldn't do it to end the existence of it all. I'd do it, because I could.

Blow up things with my mind - now that would up the ante' a little. Make things a bit more spectacular, add pizazz a little.

Set things on fire - watch them flicker and disappear into ashes.

Because I.. I'm Addicted,
To all the colors that I see, that you hold in front of me.
And you have changed. Yeah, you have changed me...

... and don't miss me. Really.

"I'll miss you."

Really? Will you? Oh, what do you want for that, A cookie?

It's fine really. Please, don't. Embarrass yourself, I mean. Oh, and miss me. Don't do that either, really, I can live without it, I really can.

I mean, seriously. Don't do me such a huge favor. One I can't ever repay.

Miss me. Why? Why would you do that? Why. I mean, really. You shouldn't. I wouldn't be able to live with myself.

Please don't.

In fact, please think about as many other things, and people, as you can.

Let me live in peace, knowing, that I'm not being missed by you. Really. Honestly.

If you really want to do me a favor? Do me that.

Reasons why I need anger management.

I type this while suffering from nicotine withdrawl. And while laying in bed, with my face tilted and squeezed sideways into this pillow. My hands, underneath the pillow, typing.

I'm kind of sleepy, but don't really feel like sleeping. No one, is on at msn. So I have no one to talk to. Not like I have anyone to talk to when there are, around, 28 people online on my list, which is always. But yeah. That's what I mean when I say I have no one to talk to online. A lot of people are online at my list, just no one I would talk to.. Am I making any sense?

Aah, I feel like going out. But then again, I always do. I'm rarely ever at home, as a matter of fact. Which is very, sad. I should spend more time at home, I really should.

I want an ipod touch. Why? Don't know, I just do. I'm very materialistic like that. You probably already know that. It's just intriguing, that's all. An intriguing piece of hardware. I want.

I also want a new laptop. A Sony Vaio. Yes, I've made up my mind. The Vaio because not only is it pretty, but they have good battery life now, finally. And also because they are performing much better than they used to.

I also want a Sony Cybershot. Hey, I need to capture moments in time, and save them somewhere. It's this new thing I'm going to try out. Should be fun, I love pictures and taking them.

Hmmm .. I can't think of anything else I want at this point in time. Maybe all the knowledge in the world, though. That sounds like something nice to have.

"Don't smoke, it's bad for you."

Why does everyone use that line? Every female, I mean. I get the point, really, ladies. We men, we know it. Bad for us. Yes, it says so on the damn packet. And we do read things here and there, really, we do.

Yes, yes, lung cancer, mouth cancer, Every-kind-of-God-forsaken cancer. Yes, I know.

Yes, yes, breathing problems, and asthma. Thank you so much, you big scientist you, for telling me cigarettes are bad for me. I would've never gotten that on my own.

Jesus.

Oh, and this reminds me of a funny story.

This waste of precious oxygen, right. A female I knew. Not really the sharpest tool in the shed. A few blocks short of a brick wall. I was having an argument with her, right. One she started, and for no bloody reason, either. And I have this habit of sighing under my breath, and muttering "Jesus Christ...", right. Just a habit, really, no biggie.

Guess what she says. She says, "Oh, Jesus, huh? What happened, you're Christian now?"

I swear to God, those were her exact words.

For crying out loud, people, if you really want to act like you're all goody two shoes Muslim, please read the book your God sent down and realize this little tidbit of information; Jesus Christ, a.k.a. Hazrat ISA (PBUH), was a Prophet of Islam just like Prophet Muhammed (PBUH) was.

If you know who you are that I'm talking about here, please don't be taken back by shock, really, you ignorant hypocrite. Go ask someone that knows their facts and religion, before opening your mouth only to make yourself look like a bigger jackass.

Oh, and I do hope you read this somehow. And I will delete all comments you make, twit.

End.

Amplifiya.. FIYA.

"Ni gaddi saadi beja, ni jattiye.
Ni door tenu leja, ve arriye.
Ni woofer tu meri, meri..
Main tera AmpliFIYA .. FIYA ..."

One of the catchiest songs I've come across in my lifetime. Right next to all the songs from that album, in fact. Just like I Kissed a Girl, by Katy Perry. You might hate yourself for liking that song, but you know you do.

Khair ... I've been saying that word a lot; Khair. Weird.

I was thinking about the last time I blogged, and it seems like a long time, so here I are. With nothing special to talk about, but what the hell.

Still haven't gotten my teeth back. Which is ticking me off, because I've lost all the weight I managed to regain in Riyadh. In fact, I might have become even weaker. I'm not eating even a single meal all day. Not one.

It's just either milk, or juices, or some other liquid. I'm not even bothering with trying to chew things anymore, it's sad like that. I've completely lost my appetite, due to that, it's not even funny.

Khair.

Kendiyaa; nerreya, mere naal vi tu nachda kyun nahi? Main tune wekhaan, tu mainu wekhe, ne saanu pata chal gaya tere dil 'ich kiiiii ..

I can write lyrics from punjabi songs all day. Punjabi intrigues me. Much like any other language does, but punjabi comes a little closer to home, due to the fact, that it's a tad bit easier to understand. Considering the fact, that I already understand Urdu, and what not. BURRUWAAH.

I should come back when I actually have things to talk about.

How we're funny, pain and us.

The place that used to have a teeth in my mouth, still hurts. Is even hurting right now. It's been what, two days? I've lost count. In fact, I don't even notice it much anymore, it always hurts. Maybe if it stopped hurting, I'd grow worried then. Where did the pain disappear to, and how? Jees.

Have another appointment with the scariest man in my life, and probably the man I'll ever fear. After my Dad, of course. Yes, I am talking about my dentist, and his set of pliers and other sharp things, that you probably shouldn't be moving around inside of people's mouths. But he has a degree that says he can, and therefore he does. Gets paid for it too, heh. That's how a degree can change things. You'd probably get under trouble with the law if you even come near people, holding what he does. But he can move them around inside people's mouths, poking them here and there, sometimes probably just to see how you sound when you yelp. Because he has a degree that says he can. I'd hate to be enemies with a dentist.

God, I don't even feel like talking bad about him. What if he's into stalking his patients, and finds my blog? And then takes out another tooth. It wouldn't really matter though, he's taken out all the useful teeth, to begin with. I can't really even chew food anymore, that's how useful. And if you can't chew food, life becomes very tasteless indeed, all puns intended.

It's hilarious though, how God decided to play this game with me. All my life, I've ran from things like vegetables and soups. Because I'm a Man, and on top of the food chain, I saw no reason to actually munch and chew grass, and drink a meal. And by rendering me toothless, God is probably high-fiving angels up there, while pointing at me and laughing. Also, he's been making sure I notice Restaurant and Fast Food place Sign boards. I can't miss them! I involuntarily start reading, and then recalling the menus inside. Aah, and then remembering how I used to teeth all those things down, sometimes even gulp them down without really bringing teeth into the equation. The only thing I gulp down now is either milk, or my own saliva. And trust me, both these things get just as tasteless if you have had a good amount.

I have been noticing the aquarium I've had in all the places I've ever lived (except philly), and how it only has 4 fish at the moment. It used to have around twenty, at times. The problem's been this one brown, piranha looking, fish that we got. It's been attacking and probably devouring, other fish. And now we have only 4 left. Two really large Catfishes that we've had for as long as I can remember, and this orange tailed something-else fish. Oh, and the piranha-looking itself.

The brown evil fish keeps running after the catfishes to bite or whatever, even though they're much larger AND have a friend in the tank. And the catfish keep running away, instead of fighting back or anything. Even though there are two of them! AND they're much larger.

It's just funny how mammals can't do things because they haven't been programmed to.

And can't ever be.

But it puts a larger smile on my face when I think about Karma.

And then it reminds me of the over-used and worn out quote; Why so Serious?

Then I hate mankind for emulating things like lemmings and sheep so much.

Then I ponder a title for this post, and hit the orange Publish Post button.

For the rest of the day; I have more adventures and don't stop loving myself. You shouldn't either, but just don't get cocky with me. Planet earth isn't big enough for just my single ego, let alone the both of ours'.

Walk in the park.

Woke up in the afternoon, with the highest fever I've had in years, and this bad pain in my mouth. Can't take medicine on an empty stomach, and I have no teeth to eat. But thank God for milk.

A glass of milk, multiple pills, and an hour later - after I climbed into two pairs of blankets with the air conditioning off - I doctored myself to the point where I no longer feared for my life.

But the amount of blood I've lost, I have no clue how I'm still alive. It's sad, really. My body is in a constant state of hurt. I can only imagine how it's going to be when they try implanting teeth in my jaw, in a few days.

By far, the most physical pain I've gone through in my life, (yet) is this.

Two more tooth extractions...

... and Seven (or Eight, lost count) anesthesia injections later.

My bottom lip, and most of my gums are numb at the moment, but I can feel the pain re-surfacing.

So guess what. The dentist did decide on taking them out.

Same exact story, with two different teeth. Probably the most pain I have ever felt, for a short amount of time. Or maybe not, I can remember when my Wisdom tooth came out, in a single day. *cringes*

But yeah. I can't find any teeth in my mouth at the moment. And I'm going to be in a world of hurt, in say, another half an hour, roughly.

The sound of teeth being pulled out of gums, I heard it again today. The anesthesia just wouldn't work, so I had to get another Root Canal.

So wonderful, really.

Plus, blood and infection spilled out of the tooth the doc removed, and made way straight do the deepest corners of my throat.

I actually ended up choking on it.

Was the worst experience I've had in a while now. I'm probably going to have nightmares. If I can sleep with all this pain, of course.

Eleanor Rigby

Aah, look at all the lonely people.

Just woke up, because the pain started to come back. It's weird how it disappeared all the while I slept. Maybe it was the muscle relaxant. Maybe it's some other reason I can't comprehend.

All the lonely people. Where do they all come from? All the lonely people. Where do they all belong?

Have two more extractions in a while. Or maybe not - if the dentist decides to have a little mercy, feels a little sympathetic. Maybe he'll just inject me with some anesthesia, or spray that numbness spray, so the pain goes away for a while. Maybe. Or maybe, I'll just get so tired of this, I'll ask him to rip them out of my gums once and for all, and get it over with.

Aah, look at all the lonely people. Where do they all belong?

Nothing has ever given me any more physical pain, than my teeth, or sometimes, even the lack of them. Like right now.

Where do they all come from? Aah, look at all the lonely people.

Toothless Agony.

Immense Agony.

I don't like dentists much, anymore.

Had to have two extractions yesterday, and the anesthesia wouldn't work on me, even after 6 injections.

So he just pulled them out without bothering, even though I insisted it hurt like a mother.

The cracking sound when teeth is pulled out of gum. I can still hear it in my head, and I cringe every time I do.

Aah, the agony.

Letter to God.

I don't ask for much. Just a little understanding.

Just a little idea, of what I'm going through, constantly, too. Just a little realization of what goes on in my head, and what I've been living like.

Just a little realization, that I am actually very lonely on the inside, I just don't like to show it.

A little actualization, of what I do, and why I do it. Just someone that can actually understand my actions, without me having to justify them. Realize that I don't want to hurt people, or do anything wrong, and that I don't.

I just hate being misunderstood. And it's ironic it happens ever so often.

I just hate having to talk about my feelings. I wish people could read my mind instead.

I just hate being lonely.

But I'm sure now, more than ever, that I'm going to die a very lonely man. That's just how it's meant to/going to happen. Watch...

Thank you, though. At least I give people something to talk about.

If I could fly, I'd wander off so far from everyone and everything. It's the absence of light, that makes people realize how much they hate the darkness. Maybe that would work.

Or maybe not. I don't know.

I wonder what's at the other end of the tunnel. I don't believe in heaven and hell anymore, maybe it's just the end of existence. And that scares me. Having no thoughts, no soul. It scares me.

Makes me wonder why we're bothering .. why we're ... I don't know .. and it doesn't really matter.

If I weren't this cynical, I wouldn't have 9 followers.

If I'm not sad all the time with my blogging persona, no one would come and read.

And if I don't wear a happy mask in real life, no one would bother with me.

I'm stuck in between death and purgatory.

And it's sad.

!@#$%^&*()_+-=

In such a weird, depressed, angry, mood, I don't even get it.

And I don't know what to do about it.

Plus, I don't have anyone to talk to about it.

Plus, I feel like I'm the most misunderstood person on earth right now.

And everything is so wonderful.

I love womankind.

I'll probably never get womankind. Or understand any female.

Other than my mother.

Womankind. God's punishment for men, or just plain torture? Probably the latter, as far as I have seen.

And God couldn't have picked out a straighter bone from ol' Adam's body. It had to be the rib. One of the crooked ones. The bone that could never be straightened, and would only end up breaking if you tried straightening it out.

*sigh*

Womankind. My money is with Jerry Seinfeld, when he says the only thing going on in the female brain is new ideas about how to manipulate men. It's probably true, why else are woman on earth?

They were once rumored to be good cooks. But let's face it, the world's best chefs are actually all men.

And what is up with feminists? Seriously. With their short hair and what not most of the time, it's clear something is so wrong with them.

Equal rights for men and women, eh? Isn't this the 21st century. Why do we still have feminists? If they need something else to do, the cooking and cleaning department could use a hand. Someone send that to the National Organization for Woman.

God, womankind, what do you want from us?

I mean it's clear you're all I think about. You're driving me insane here. I'm trying to figure out what you want, and why you're here on earth with us, but it's not coming to me. A lot of men have been trying to figure it out, but they haven't been successful either. And God has a way of keeping you guessing whether he's there or not, all the time, so asking him isn't working either.

Plus, we know we've come a long way from the days of Adam, and with the probable hoax of evolution and what not going around, we've grown smarter. But so have you, manipulating sirens and vixens from the Garden of Eden. The fruits have all changed, but they're still there, and they're still forbidden. The only thing different is, there might or might not be a snake in the grass anymore. But it's all the same thing, really. For history repeats itself, yes? Then, for as long as there are Sons of Adam, Eves all over the world will keep screwing them over.

And it's not helping MANkind, the fact that we're outnumbered 1 to 4. That number will probably keep growing, woman care to stick out for each other. Man has this other problem, it's called an Ego. We can't help it, we really can't. We were born with it, probably got it from our own dads. But woman, man, woman are organized. So damn organized, they could jump the Russian mafia, and scare the shit out of Vladimir, or Boris, or whoever it is working that night. Boris, the cold blooded hitman, that likes the smell of blood. Or Vladimir, the man who likes to stare you straight in the eyes, before shooting you right in between them. Vladimir and Boris are probably scared of woman, deep down inside, too.

Woman are so organized. They probably plan in advance for their own marriage, their future children's marriages, their grandchildren's names, and where they'll be living while all this is happening. I just haven't gotten my hands on the documented proof and blue prints yet. But soon.

But I love my mom, man. There can't be anyone like her. The only reason she's ever lied to me, was for my own good. Something woman rarely do. Not the lying, lying isn't rare to them. I meant 'doing things for someone else's good'. That's the rare part.

Oh, and don't get offended, womankind. I haven't taken any names, right? So assume, that I'm not talking about you. If you aren't like how I just described above, because believe me, I wasn't being vague or anything, to talk about as many woman as I could, no. I was actually pin pointing female traits, because there do exist woman exactly as I just described. And if you aren't like that, then please don't complain and be glad you weren't mentioned.

But if you ARE somehow a kind and loving female, that doesn't intend to torture men, marry me, would you?

But then It'd probably drive me crazy to understand whether you are real or not. Whether it's me, or everyone else that's crazy.

If it turns out to be just me, though, that would just explain a lot.

Laugh with me, then.

It's funny how people just see the book cover and not what's really inside.

It's funny how people only see the mask, and not the face wearing it.

It's funny how people take to what they see, hear, and feel to be real, and don't bother after that point.

It's funny how the book cover is strapped on to the book so tight.

It's funny how masks become really hard to take off after a while.

It's funny, the measures people end up taking, to be anything but lonely.

It's funny how it can be so sad.

Danish's Guide to (this side of) the galaxy.

I'm shit tired as I type this, I still haven't done that whole "200 posts, woohoo!" thing, chronic procrastinator that I am, *sigh*.

But! I want to brag about the fact, that I have already gotten two people to take up podcasting!

So, the stats read: Got 8 people to take up blogging, and 2 to take up podcasting. Woot!

Anywho, credit to Rija who got me to podcast in the first place ^_^. I wish I could share this glory with her =( ... soon, hopefully.

I'm addicted to this Deep Purple song Sam introduced me to a while ago, called Hush. Trippy stuff, indeed.

Aah, I'm sipping on this huge glass of pepsi, while me mommy has tea on the stove for me. I lovez tea. It be wunnderful.

I got these two books, one's the infamous Douglas Adams classic, The Hitchhiker's Guide To The Galaxy. Dagda told me to pick it up, and even though his real name is Hammad, and was only Dagda ONCE on msn, I still prefer calling him that. Hmm.

The other one is this philosophical book with a pink cover, called Sophie's World by Jostein Gaarder. If you haven't heard of it, wiki or google it already. And guess what, first I got looks for holding a pink book, right. Then the sales person, who actually read it himself, tells me how good it is, but also adds that, quote; "... Although, I have to say, I've seen mostly females pick that book up ..."

But see, here's the deal, which I also explained to the sales person. If you look at the numbers of people that come to the bookstore itself and buy books, gender wise, don't be surprised when you see more Females buying books than Males. How is it not just understandable and logical that more females buy ANY book then? And all of a sudden, the guy's eyes lit up with agreement. "Oh, yes, definitely, yeah."

Yeah, jackass, all points turn pointless with my logic. I didn't even know if what I had just said was any true, but if the sales person himself agrees, then it must be, right? Sheer luck? No, I figured the sales person wouldn't probably know himself. I got him to buy it. Heh, sold the sales person something. Ain't I wunnnderful. And full of myself.

It's just sad though. Guys not liking books. Specially how people's answers to questions like "fav. books" on social networking websites are plain idiotic. Doesn't really make any difference to me, see. With my understanding of it, God only made stupid people, to make life all the easier for people that actually use their brains. Like me, for instance. So as long as there are stupid people, I have all the chances in the world to hit success.

Oh, and philosophy FTW. Finish.

2o1.

201th post. I thought I'd photoshop a new banner at least, or maybe make up a whole new blog theme + color scheme .. but blah. Maybe later. For the 202nd post. I make up the rules here, right?

Hmmm .. I can't fall asleep. I've been trying for around, 2 hours. The time reads to 11.12 AM. And I have to wake up, in like, 3 - 4 hours. *sigh*

I miss Elmo, I really did. Idiot that Elmo was. Grrrrr.

Aaah, I wish my schedule wasn't as messed up as it is. I wish I wasn't nocturnal. I wish I could fly. I wish so many things, it's funny. I wish I could decide between a Vaio and a XPS.

Materialistic bastard, aren't I? Well, so is 80% of the world. At least I'm not part of the flock, and own an iphone or a mac. Was thinking about getting a mac, yes. Then I remembered who I was and what I do. Stand out, and not fall for corporate bullshit and advertising tactics.

Macs are for graphic designers. Fuck that, ever hear of photoshop and after effects on windows? With 80% of the world's software developers working on software for Microsoft Windows and NOT Mac OSX, how the fuck can Windows NOT have graphic design software?

Reason why Microsoft never bothers making ADs to get back at the Macintosh's "I'm a Mac, I'm a PC" ADs: Because Microsoft knows, that if a person is stupid enough to fall for those, they are better off with a Mac.

Jeez, I am brilliant.

Oh, and if I want a unique operating system, I'd rather run Linux.

*e-mails Microsoft his resume and this blog post*

Fin.

200th Post.

Elmo has left the country, and I'm sad. Left me a really big surprise, which made me go =o hawww but then something even sadder happened.

See, my laptop was being a total bitch, crashing and just slowing down and what not. And GOD, I hate that. So I picked it up and slammed it down real hard. Now, I realized even then, that doing so would not actually fix anything, but I just didn't care, so please stop judging me in your heads, with things like 'oh, that is so stupid.' I know it is so stupid, I just felt like being stupid, kthx.

Anywho, the operating system just crashed, nothing worked, so I manual-restarted the system. Bad, move.

Apparently, my primary master hard disk harboring Windows XP has been fried, the file system has gone awry, and the Boot.ini file is not accessible. On top of that, chkdsk can't do shit. Forget /r and /p command line additions.

The boot file just isn't accessible =/ and won't even be replaced. Proper Fucked royally, sideways, the works.

Didn't get what I said? My computer won't start, and I'm going to lose all my data.

Because the only way to make it work (hopefully) is to re-format and reinstall Windows from scratch. And I'm not even sure if that'll work.

But someone has taught me something important right before leaving. It's called Optimism.

So what do I do? Simply put my finger on the next laptop I want and then buy it.

So, things on my list to buy: New laptop, a camera, and a new cell phone.

That's optimism for me.

Oh, and by the way. 200th Post!! Big whoop.

Pikchurz R Preddy

And now, I will take a bow.

I've been blogging for more than 5 years, with no one reading. And after not giving up, and so many years, I now have 9 followers.

Lead and they will follow, I read some place. Interestingly, all I've learnt is from other people's writings. Maybe that's what draws me to writing so much. So much, that I'm taking English 102 and Creative Writing when I go back to Philludelpheya. And spell checker didn't underline that voluntarily mispelt word. It did underline mispelt though. Oh, it's 'spelt' misspelled. Whoops.

What I said about the Philadelphia (not taking risks with spell checker embarrassing me, anymore) picture thingy .. Ugh, thingy is not in the dictionary? Jesus.

Anywho. Here's are samples of what I was talking about in the previous post;









And also, I'm attaching this picture from the Lamb of God concert I got to see a few months ago. Just because it is so amazing.



All Images Protected Under Copyrights!

Hehe.

CONVERSE-ation.

Daaa, na na naaaa, na na naaaa, na na naaa ... (SWAT theme. YouTube it.)

Ok, so. Rij said it'd be ok if I be completely random, so I'm going to do just that. Be completely random.

Did absolutely nothing today, haven't been doing absolutely anything for a while now, and it's getting on my own nerves now. Have photoshopped a bunch of pictures I took in Philadelphia, will put them up soon somewhere, thinking of Flickr. Not sure how it works though, want someplace I can create like an album or something, with some eye candy and what not. Ya' know?

So if you have any suggestions or whatever. Be kind and leave em. See, its kind of like this, magazine type thing I did, like a feature, covering Philadelphia and what not.. or not, actually, just my 6 month stay there. So maybe we'll see like a sequel when I go back. Or something.


Hey, wait! I've got a new complaint. Forever in debt to your priceless advice. Your advice.
She eyes me like a Pisces when I am weak ...

I need to do a podcast! Need to do so many things and time is running by so fast. It's sad. Blah. =(

The Billie Jean's not my lover. She's just a girl, who says that I am the one. But, the kid is not my son.

She says I am The One.

And now, why this post is called Converse-ation.



Blah.

There you go, Elmo. ^_^

Just something that caught my fancy;

When your Gemini child finally grows up, lots of people will tell you disapprovingly that "he has too many fingers stuck in too many pies." You'll smile then, and they may be annoyed. But you'll be remembering one spring day when he was seven. He stuck his fingers in your chocolate pies, his father's shaving cream, the fish bowl, the garbage can, a pot of hot soup and an electric socket. You were furious. Later, at twilight, you watched him run around chasing lightning bugs in the grass. After a while, you sighed, and asked yourself aloud, "Why must he rush around so? Why must he get into everything? What in the world is he searching for?" He overheard you and it troubled him. You'll never forget the look in his bright, clear eyes when he answered. "Gee, Mommy ... I don't know. But don't you worry. I'll find it."

Masked

I walked inside the empty castle, as dark as it was, but I had a torch. The flame flickered, the light reflected against my face, but I wasn't sure what was there anymore.

I reached the first set of words engraved on the wall, as if it was left there for me.

“Clowns wear a face that's painted intentionally on them so they appear to be happy or sad. What kind of mask are you wearing today?”
- Anonymous

It felt as if I had read the words before, in a life I lived before this one. But the only difference was, I hadn't died in between.

“The play is done; the curtain drops,

Slow falling to the prompter's bell

A moment yet the actor stops

And looks around to say farewell.

It is an irksome word and task:

And when he's laughed and said his say,

He shows, as he removes the mask,

A face that's anything but gay.”
-William Makepeace Thackeray

After the curtain did fall, when I had played my part, I stepped back inside the real me.

Miserable, weak, and not alive anymore. But the only question without an answer is - why?

“He who wears a mask cannot see within himself.”
- Anonymous

I walked further along the empty castle, as dark as it was. I had a torch, and the light fell across my face, but I wasn't sure what was there anymore.

“Sometimes people carry to such perfection the mask they have assumed that in due course they actually become the person they seem.”
- William Somerset Maugham

~~

"I've had people worry 'bout this mask before,

and what I've been wearing it for

but whenever I've let go off it, I've

found no one to recognize me anymore."
- Danish Arif

If life were on tv...

Just woke up, and had really weird sleep .. my body hurts, so does my jaw. My skull doesn't, like yesterday. I have got to quit my routine. Going to sleep only when my body can't withstand staying up anymore. It can't be good for me.

So I look through twitter updates. Decide to add one of my own, for the world to witness. My mom sat down besides me a while ago, asking why I always turn on my laptop first thing after waking up. Why I can't spend a little more time with them instead. *sigh*.

Asked me if I could go to the hospital with them, my parents, today. Need to see a doctor who would take my tonsillitis out. Not looking forward to that.

Then she asked me if I could go to Chillies or Apple bees with them today. And before I answered, I tried thinking really hard to see when I'd get the time to have a little nicotine, so the whole fiasco becomes bearable for a while.

Then I realize how fucking sad that is, and how dependent I am on tobacco, that I can't even spend time with my parents without it.

To me, that is just fucked up. And don't get me wrong, it's fucked up on my part. But to fight my case; I wouldn't have realized it'd be this way, until I came this far. And now that I have, *sigh*, yes, I wish I didn't. But I wouldn't have realized it'd be this way, until I ...

Crack my knuckles, twist my neck around, ask mum for tea. Aah, a day in the life of me.

If that were a show, and I were watching it on tv, I'd probably turn it off after the first few minutes, because it'd just seem too cynical, depressing, and pessimistic.

...

*sigh*

I thought I could, but I can't write. Not right now. *sigh*

Riot in my head.

::

Waking up pissed off every day can not be good for you, I assume.

I just woke up, say, roughly an hour ago. My head hurts, and I can't concentrate properly on things. It's the nicotine. Or actually the lack of it.

I want to start podcasting soon, but this being angry most of the time interferes with any serious productivity. Oh, thanks to Rija for pointing out podcasting. I know she's probably going to read this and then be like, *gasp, no mention of who introduced him to it, yada yada*

It's not even about being angry, I don't think this can be classified as that. This is just, being ticked off. Being irritated. Gahh. *fists clenched*

Has anyone seen Prison Break? Doesn't it seem like they keep the guy playing Michael Schofield - Wentworth Miller, away from cigarettes for like an hour before his shots? Because he seems nicotine deprived in every scene and take himself. Heh. Specially with the whispering and rubbing his forehead all the time. At least I only do that when I'm suffering from nicotine withdrawal. Oh well.

Plus, I think I might have a reason to be pissed off this time around, too. Yeah, because I've been working my ass of for something, but it all fell apart, and yeah, it's depressing, and fucked up. *sigh*

Anywho, more shit as it happens. Stay tuned.

Oh, and I got that title from the television blaring in the background. Apparently another riot in Karachi. Pity.

"It could be worse."

::

"You know, it could be worse," she said.

Everything could be worse, with that point of view. But that's the thing.

I'm grateful it's not worse. I'm just sad, that it's as bad as it is.


::

I love making lists. Hehe.

I need to start sleeping and waking up on time. Seeeerious.

Nocturnal moron that I am, I end up sleeping at 12 in the afternoon, and waking up at 7-8 PM.

I've spent a month like that, and I only have a few more days in Riyadh. And I haven't gotten anything done!

Here's the list of things I need to do while I'm here:

1. Bug the sanity out of my parents. (Almost accomplished)
2. Learn how to cook! At least basic things, anyway.
3. Join a Gym. Get in shape. Anything other than looking anorexic, that is.
4. Gain some bloody weight. Anything other than looking anorexic, that is.
5. Learn how to drive already! Jeezaz.
6. Go to Jeddah!
7. Go to Bahrain!
8. Spend lots of time with my parents. (To bug the sanity out of them).
9. Make my Dad buy me a lot of things to satisfy my materialistic drive. A new laptop, a new cell phone, etc, etc.


And that's basically it. Not a lot, right?

Listening to: Climbing up the walls by Chris Cornell from Scream (2009)

*sigh*

Just took a quiz on facebook.

As if I wasn't depressed already. Here's the result I got:

A Smokelike Person
You tend to hide your emotions. You are at a very low point in life. You almost seem to not want to go on anymore, to fade away into smoke, not exist. You feel alone in life. You feel as if nobody could ever understand you. But there is only one thing that you cling to in life: You want to belong, but you dont want to change. You want to be around people you want to have a reason to go on. You are sometimes envious of other people's seemingly perfect lives. If you want to have a seemingly perfect life, then you should start hanging around warm sunlike people, or friendly earthlike people, or tell your problems to an quiet listener moon person. And you always have a speck of hope inside of you. Even if you feel all hope is lost, hope is hard to fully kill. so nurture and try to see life through different eyes, and maybe it'll be a brighter world.


*sigh*

Tea.

Just woke up, but I saw no dreams in my sleep, and I don't feel as cynical as I usually do. Just ... blah, though. For no reason, apparently. I need to go out or something.

My mum's handed me my daily cup o' tea, something I look forward to. My mom makes the best tea in the world, it's amazing.

That's it =)

capital f.

fuck this life, and every dream that you had. when shit's meant to happen, shit will just happen no matter what.

fuck motivation, and optimism. fuck capital letters after full stops, fuck using commas, at the ri,ght places. fuck corporate bullshit, with their rich getting richer and poor struggling to survive.

fuck alphabets. fuck slgnlnaseuiqa.

"It's always starving artist.
It's never starving art museum owner."

It's funny like that, but life has a way of ending early, everytime.

If you die in childhood, you don't get to witness puberty and growing up. See 'falling in love.'
If you die young, you don't get to experience the joys of marriage, having children, etc.
If you die a man, you don't get to experience the joys of wisdom, and the respect you're supposed to get when you're old.
If you die old, you die in regret, no matter what - because it's impossible not to feel regret, isn't it?

So either prepare yourselves for the upsets of your life, or stop regretting shit. Because shit would happen, even if earth stops spinning.

No one has figured out life, it's insane. Not until we're all unable to appreciate it anymore, ironic isn't it?

- Reaper says:
*man im tired of everyone talkng about how awesome michael jackson was
Danish A. says:
*yeah
*everyone just realized
- Reaper says:
*when they were the ones who sued him in the first place bhenchod.
Danish A. says:
*I know right
*and everyone
*including m
*me*
*was like
*heh, kiddie fucker.

^^ That's how fucked up we are, really.

Talk not ill of the dead. Where were you when the dead were alive? You had your chance to speak ill of them then, why'd you waste it?

Fuck.

JEEZ. I can't write anymore, forgive me.

Flying.

I just woke up, but I faintly remember the dream I had;

I'm inside a plane, and the plane's flying in between skyscrapers. The city below us is shrouded with clouds, but some skyscrapers are tall enough to be above them.

And it was beautiful.

My mum says it was a 'good dream'. What I would give to be able to fly.

Setting things free.

Fuck everything, seriously.

A car ran into a kitten's head today, pushing it's eyeballs out of it's sockets and leaving it fluttering on the ground, pouncing involuntarily a foot above the ground, shaken and not knowing what to do. It finally settled in the middle of the road, not moving, possibly brain dead, but still breathing.

Breathing, but not alive. For I will not call that living. I refuse to.

The only thing that I thought to do, was relieve the cat of it's misery. To kill it. It's promised a better world after, too, isn't it? Or did the cat not believe in God either?

I can't be sure of that, but while all my friends prompted me and a very close friend of mine to just let it go, I insisted we finish the job. For the cat wasn't living, and taking it out of it's misery should be looked at as a noble deed. Or actually, I didn't care if it is or not.

So we ran it over, probably one of the hardest things to do, taking the life of a breathing organism. Or not. Just setting it free.

So, do I feel guilty? Possibly a little. But I'm angry at myself for feeling guilty. For I shouldn't. You can not kill what you did not create? Well, I can't witness suffering either. I did the right thing. Yet I hate myself for it at the moment. But above all that, I hate myself for hating myself for it.

Fuck the world. Life isn't fair anyway.

Morning.

I wake up with this pain on the left side of my skull. I stretch open my jaw until I hear it crack, and feel my muscles relax a bit. Then I do the same with my neck, by circling my head in a 360 motion.

I don't feel like getting out of bed, I really don't.

My stomach hurts, and I can feel the nothing inside it. Other than stomach acid of course. I can feel that, and it hurts.

I feel weak, but I have to get up, without wanting to.

I take a look at my cell phone, and it's 7.15 AM. Great. I can see how this day is going to go ...